Feel so sorry for my elderly neighbour

[Ocre373]

My neighbour is in her 70’s, she has COPD and is over weight. She hasn’t been over her door step for 6 weeks. She has a little dog that we walk for her, he only needs a 10 minute walk to the patch of grass at the end of our quiet street. 2 mins there, little sniff around and back again. She’s terrified to even do that.

Is this right for her? Would she be ok to do it? It’s not a problem for us at all but I can see how low she’s getting and it could go on for months yet!

In short, no. She’s not been told to stay home to punish her, it’s to stop her dying. Which is ultimately what would happen if she got the virus. As shit as it is is he needs to continue as she is for her own safety.

She will have had the shielding letter which has guidance, it is guidance for them to interpret, however it does say to stay inside yes.

FIL also has the same and is going out and in the car, he thinks this is Ok for him. They send him texts telling him what to do.

She’s not been told to stay home to punish her, it’s to stop her dying. Which is ultimately what would happen if she got the virus. True. But it's in order for her not to be a burden on the NHS while she's dying, rather than purely to stop her dying.

There's another thread, on the prospect of indefinite lockdown for all over 70s, and people are being very firmly told on that it doesn't matter if they are willing to take their chances, that life under house arrest is not life worth living, they've got to put up with it because it's for other people's benefit not theirs.

My dad is over 70 and is overweight COPD and has diabetes
He’s not had a shielding letter .
He is staying in though and I’m doing most of his shopping and care stuff for him
He sits outside the front of his house on the wall to get fresh air and sunshine and chat to his neighbours .
Yesterday was the first time he went out for a podiatrist appointment. And I took him there she back .
We did a sneaky drive by all the shops though so he could see the queues and see how quiet our city is atm

I understand it’s trying to protect her and the nhs but I logically can’t see what can happen to her in the 2 mins it takes to walk to the end of the street. What I can see is the constant tears in her eyes. I think that 10 mins out of the house would do her the world of good.

I don’t know why I’m posting this really. She’s terrified to go out so she won’t and I genuinely don’t want to start a debate I just feel so sad and angry and frustrated by the whole thing (I mean by the virus not by the guidance)

It must be unimaginably hard for people who live alone and are in the shielding category. Particularly older people who may not have experience connecting with family and friends over social media.

I have an elderly aunt in this category, but she’s always been a bit of a hermit and is lucky enough to have a brilliant twice-daily carer who is still attending (no choice really) and let’s us FaceTime her for chats.

*lets us

My son (11) is shielding and after 3 weeks being in I took him for a short bike ride last night - he needed to leave the house, I decided the risk to his mental health was greater than the chances of him catching corona. Going out really lifted his spirits.

It's hard but plenty of us are in that situation. I haven't been out for 7 weeks. Have you asked her how she feels? Maune she is lonely but doesn't want to go out? Does she have a garden?

If I were your neighbour I'd stick a middle finger up to the guidelines & the virus & still go out. tbh, I see a lot of elderly out & about who seem to feel the same. Especially dog walkers. They aren't fined if they go out.

Sorry your neighbour feels so terrified. You can't make any decisions for her. She has to do what she feels ok to do.

I would too. What harm can a ten minute walk do when there’s nobody else around?

What harm can a ten minute walk do when there’s nobody else around?

Yes OP, please do take the advice of this random mumsnetter over that of the public health experts and medical doctors 🙄

OK. Explain exactly what harm she could come to walking outside for ten minutes if she doesn’t see or meet anyone. Go on, this should be really interesting.

It becomes a matter of quality over quantity. Watching the Panorama 'can science beat the virus?' we aren't getting a vaccine suitable for the over 65's anytime soon.

If she honestly won't see anyone else, then there isn't a risk of transmission. I'm in the shielding group and at first we were told not to go out at all. Now we can go into the garden.

The longer you stay in for, the better chance you have because we are learning what works. But at what cost? She may never get to go out again.

It's important to realise that the over 70's aren't going to get an answer to this, until we do have herd immunity, either via vaccine (which selfishly some won't get) or antibodies.

It's like nursing home care, is the longer life worth having? It's very much up to the individual once we have PPE.

There's another thread, on the prospect of indefinite lockdown for all over 70s, and people are being very firmly told on that it doesn't matter if they are willing to take their chances, that life under house arrest is not life worth living, they've got to put up with it because it's for other people's benefit not theirs.

God, which thread is that?!

I’d like to know which thread too.

I think that might have been the post I did about the Times article? Maybe? I'll link. It's just saying they should have the choice and not have to be told what to do.

Don't think it is in the fresh air either.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3890390-I-agree-with-this-article-on-older-people

Oh sorry actually don't think it sounds like that at all, the opposite in fact. Not sure of the other thread

One difficulty is that for those who are older and frail (perhaps like OP's neighbour) is that if they stop participating in any form of exercise, they will lose muscle strength and most likely never get it back, in turn reducing their mobility, shortening their life due to inactivity, and significantly reducing their quality of life to boot. I've seen a fair few people where I am going out for a daily walk with a frame, and I suspect it's actually better for them than staying at home. They don't need to touch anything outside or come into close contact with anyone else.

One of my neighbours is 70+ and clearly thinks the guidelines are a load of hooey. She's out every day with her dog and will talk your ear off if she can catch you while she's out. She's made the choice that is right for her and I can't criticise her for it.

my elderly mum went out to the shops - she has in immune condition and should be sheilding but given that she has severe depression and lives alone, I'm not going to argue with her decision to go to a quiet click and collect where there are few people around. The risk to her mental health and mobility are more of a worry to me than CV in her case.

Not all over 70s are in the shielding group. Everyone entitled to a flu jab including over 70s is supposed to take extra precautions and follow social distancing rules more rigidly but the actual shielding group where you are not supposed to leave the house at all is relatively small and doesn't encompass all older people

oops! posted too soon - so I understand you. I feel so sorry for people like this. Risk takes many forms.

Frailty is meant to be a risk factor for the virus as well, along with vitamin d deficiency

we know someone with cancer late stage and who is going out for walks etc. it does say especially for very ill people i is their choice to shield under the circumstances and to think through it carefully.