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Original poster

Allow my yound daughter to move to her grandparents

50 replies

Lifesabeach86 · 19/04/2020 15:17

I'm feeling so conflicted. We live in a small terraced house, my son and daughter (5, 8) share a bedroom and do not get on at all. I'm spending my days being a referee and we are all miserable. My husband and I are working from home and only leave the house once a week for shopping and once a day or two for a walk. My husband's parents have offered to have my daughter to give her some space and peace and quiet. They are both retired (early 60s) and only shop once every 2 weeks. Both in good health. Would I be unreasonable to take them up on their offer? My daughter wants desperately to go and will happily stay for a week or two. I think I already know the answer...

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifesabeach86 · 19/04/2020 16:16

Thank you treacletoots I really wasn't expecting such kind responses. I love being a mum and have been a SAHM for 6years in total so I'm very used to being with both the children day in day out but this is something else. They are such different characters and being stuck in the house without having their own space from eachother has taken their fallouts to another level. It is constant. Feeling more confident with our decision now.

OP posts:
Krapom · 19/04/2020 16:20

I’d let her go.

Soubriquet · 19/04/2020 16:22

Yeah I would let her go

DramaAlpaca · 19/04/2020 16:25

I would let her go too.

8by8 · 19/04/2020 16:25

Yeah I’d let her go. It’s allowed under the rules, and makes sense,
Really helps the kids to have their own space sometimes.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 19/04/2020 16:34

Absolutely let her go. This is a practical solution to stressful times. I would suggest that she goes for a minimum of two weeks.

Lol at responses that this is a good time to sort your parenting. Do whatever is reasonable to get through.

It sounds like she will have a great time. It will give her grandparents something to do (they are happy to have her - not saying grandparents sit around doing nothing!) and it will give you one on one time with your son.

Not everything has to be 'even' so there is no need for your son to go. Sounds like he wouldn't like it!

If my daughter was younger I would have considered this. She would have loved it! (She is 19 and actually in U.S at the moment)

Good choice :-)

LilyPond2 · 19/04/2020 16:38

Am assuming you can get your DD to her grandparents without any need to use public transport?

Noworrieshere · 19/04/2020 16:48

I'm debating doing exactly the same. I have 3 kids and I am just not managing to give them all they need emotionally, it's really tough. They don't have enough space from each other, they all just want and need attention all the time. It's so hard.

I was thinking a week, meet up just to hand him over then go, pick him up a week later. I'm as confident as I ever can be that he won't be infectious. I feel like now is the safest time for him to go, once schools are open it will be too late. And it would be a massive mental health boost to my parents too to have one of their grandkids around. He's 14, he's sensible.

So I know I'm breaking the rules but I don't think I'm massively increasing our risk. But equally if everyone thought that way what would be the point of lockdown? It's a tough one.

I am leaning towards letting him go but my dad is worried about rule breaking and everyone in their town knowing that their grandson is there against the rules. We live about 60 miles away so if he suddenly appeared it would be obvious.

I'm curious to see what decision you end up making op

Original poster
Lifesabeach86 · 19/04/2020 16:54

And she's gone! My husband is just driving her over now, they live 20mins away. We've been going back and forth for days but after seeing the Police Council advice and all your supportive comments we've decided it's for the best. We are all feeling fine, my husband last went shopping 7 days ago, his parents are due a shop tomorrow so it feels like kow is the best time. Thank you all again for your support!

OP posts:
DBML · 19/04/2020 16:56

I’m debating the same thing.

My parents are in heir late 50s and no TV very healthy. They live in a huge house with lots of land. It’s beautiful and peaceful where they live and only 20 mins from us.

They have offered for my child to go and live with them for the foreseeable. Not something I ever thought I’d want to do, but he would have the ability to play outside, horse ride, swim etc where he can do nothing here. All in the confines of their private land.

All I am trying to reconcile with myself, is how much I’ll miss him. But I think we’ve made the decision and will take him soon.

AnneOfCloves · 19/04/2020 16:57

That sounds a very sensible solution, OP. It gives everyone a break, and company for your parents.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 19/04/2020 17:01

@DBML sounds like a fabulous place for him to be. As much as you will miss him he will have a great time :-)

Good you have made a decision OP. I think everyone will be happier and look back at this time as a little weird but wonderful!

Purplequalitystreet · 19/04/2020 17:02

I think you did the right thing for everyone OP.

A little off topic, but is there anyway you can partition the bedroom on her return so she can have her own space?

blankethog · 19/04/2020 17:04

If my mums household wasn't vulnerable I'd have shipped DS off at least a week ago! In your situation I'd do it

Justyou · 19/04/2020 17:07

I wish my neighbours were this sensible, a couple in their 80’s with significant heart issues and they have their great grandchild all day every day to give his mother a break, she’s not working and they go shopping daily- it’s crazy but don’t know what I can do.

PinkyU · 19/04/2020 17:08

There’s no way I’d be separated from my very young child for an undefined period of time (but weeks at the minimum), especially if it was solely based on mine and their dad’s inability to teach them to get along.

I do appreciate that my opinion goes against the grain and may result in ire, but to contemplate let alone actually doing it seems very remiss parenting and beyond my belief that any parent would consider this sn option for young children. They’re 5 & 8, surely to goodness you have some degree of control over how they interact with each?

Original poster
Lifesabeach86 · 19/04/2020 17:13

purplequalitystreet we were just about to put our house on the market before this all happened. Both their beds are high off the ground so they have all the floor space to play on. We might have to get creative until we move and put curtains up round her bed or something.

OP posts:
betty2020 · 19/04/2020 17:13

I think most people would do the sane in your position the only thing is she may be there until June / July? We have no idea when.

My mum has offered to have one of mine as I suffer with lots of MH issues. I have two close in age though so I would t be able to chose and they wouldn't be able to swap.

Original poster
Lifesabeach86 · 19/04/2020 17:24

PinkyU I think you may have misunderstood my post. I'm not sending her away, she wants some space and peace and her grandparents are desperate for her company. Before this she would often stay at with my parents or my husband's parents for a night once a week. This was originally my daughters idea. Rest assured that I have no doubt in my ability to parent. But these are tricky times for us all. Children have lost all normal routine, the freedom to play outside other than the garden, not seeing their friends and relatives, having to do school work at home whilst parents are also working from home. This has nothing to do with my inability to 'control' them. Life is different and at times pretty hard right now and as a result their behaviour (my son's actually) is incredibly challenging.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 19/04/2020 17:35

Sounds like it was the right plan all round. I realise there was no virus involved but my (now adult) children loved going to their grandparents for a few days individually and my parents loved it too - it sounds like your situation with your daughter is similar.

Ariela · 19/04/2020 17:36

In reality it's better than being evacuated during the war!
(My mother hated her first placement and came home!)

Sally872 · 21/04/2020 10:00

@PinkyU I would miss my child terribly. But I would put their feelings above my own if somewhere is else was better for them just now.

Mustbethewine · 21/04/2020 10:01

If you're all miserable about the constant fighting then yes I'd let her go.

Headintheshedagain · 21/04/2020 13:08

Yes I would let her go. It's not the same thing but my two go between their dad and me and my youngest sometimes goes for a few days more than his brother so they get a bit of time from each other. They fight and drive each other mad and are not used to spending so much time together

MarieQueenofScots · 21/04/2020 13:10

I think it sounds a sensible solution.

My DD is still having her normal contact with her father; IMO this is no different.

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