Juggling but crumbling

[boomshakalika]

Hi folks.
I know I am in an extremely lucky position to have a roof over our heads, to have a job and salary coming in and have access to food etc.

I am however struggling with this whole situation (who isn't!) and finding it really hard to be positive. I am finding it hard to keep perspective and wonder how the heck I am going to get through the next week's / months. It feels like everything is piling up and I am losing any problem solving skills.

I don't want this to be a "woe is me' post but would appreciate some objective advice and outside perspective.

My partner is nursing on a covid ward. He is doing nights for the foreseeable future. He is finding it v tough (his ward deals mainly with patients who are going to die and won't be heading up to ICU). He is a very calm rationale person and not prone to emotional outbursts but is dealing with very very sad and occasionally very traumatic situations. I am doing my best to comfort him when he comes home but I have never seen him like this.
He needs to sleep and is sleeping much more than usual on his days off. It's like his brain and body go into shutdown when he off the ward. His colleagues are struggling too and quite a few are off sick / isolating. They are catching covid so it's a possibility he will too.

I have 2 kids and trying to help them with school work as well as keep them amused, happy and quiet so their dad can sleep. My 5 yr old is struggling with being inside all day and her fuse has become even shorter. I know they are not getting what they need from me, I am grabbing minutes with them in between meetings and all the other work.

We live in a top floor flat and whilst we have use of a shared garden, our neighbours have commandeered it. Their friends and family are round most days and their idea of social distancing is not quite what the advice is.

I have suggested some kind of rota but was basically told no. They would go mad apparently if they couldn't have free reign of it all day. My DP spoke with them too and got the same response. He framed it that he was worried about transmitting it to them but they said not to worry about that as they think they had covid before Christmas so not at risk from him.

I am working full time from home and have been brought into a new national role as part of emergency planning for the short and medium term but also looking at "post covid' strategies. We are working on best and worst case scenarios and I am exposed to information that tbh terrifies me. It is incredibly intense. I can't share this with anyone and am brought into a new group specifically for this so am no longer working with my own team but am still managing them along with new responsibilities. My usual supports aren't there. I am working v long days - usually 10 hours and already feel mentally and physically knackered. My work has to fit with others work patterns and some days I have to be available from 6am until 10pm. Most days I manage one meal and don't make it out for exercise.

DP has been the one to take the kids out for a walk when he is off.

I have an autoimmune disorder and been advised that whilst I am not shielded, it puts me at higher risk. DP spoke to the consultant at work about my health and she advised DP to find somewhere else to stay to minimise my risk in case he catches it but is asymptotic.
We already do full decontamination upon his return from work but he is now moving out next week to a flat close to his work. We don't know at this stage for how long but he has taken a 3 month lease out.

The kids are really upset at this but kinda understand why. My eldest cries alot about this and blames me for it. So do I in ways and cry a fair amount it but don't do it in front of them.

I honestly don't know how I am going to cope with the kids, their school work / keeping them occupied and sane/ happy, my job, no garden and no partner.
It just feels too much.

Of course we will just have to do it and I will get by but struggling to see the practicalities to make that happen. I feel too deep in to see the possible solutions.

So wise mumsnetters - what would you do in this situation? How would you make it easier?

First of all people like you are heroes. Re the no garden- report the neighbours to the police. Take pictures, tell the police your story. Re the kid blaming you - your husband needs to chat with her before he leaves to make it clear he’s doing this for the whole family and it’s not your fault. Re the job - couldn’t someone deputise for you on your old team management so you can do the Covid stuff? You need to make it clear to your bosses that you are now effectively a single parent and that you will struggle with the workload. What ages are your kids (so I can try to suggest some things there and advice on schooling)? Also make sure you really savour your days off and go long walks, eat, do whatever the kids want in way of fun.

Hopefully schools will be back soon. Just do what you can and try not to worry x

Thanks folks.

My kids are 5 and 11. My eldest can get on with stuff but still needs me. My youngest seems to needs much muchnmore attention than usual. Understandable.
Their schools haven't overloaded them with work ; focusing more on projects and family activities which DP has been doing some of with them. They aren't doing wonderful alternative learning experiences and making happy memories instead tbh which makes me feel guilty. That is not likely to change once DP leaves.
dd2 brings notes into our kitchen which doubles as my office, asking me to spend time with her. It breaks my heart to always shoo her away.

My usual area of work is very specialised. I can't say too much in case I out myself but we are considered "experts" and there are only a handful of us across the country working on our particular issue so not many who could deputise easily. My team are truly amazing but are dealing with traumatic issues too as their work is now also covid focused. They do need my support. I have sourced some external supervision to take some of that load off me.
I don't really have a boss as such to talk issues over - again hard to explain without outing but i now report directly into a high level.

I haven't had a weekend off since end of February when we started to focus on covid. It felt more manageable then as we weren't on full lockdown and dp wasn't on a covid ward. We put ourselves into semi lockdown at the beginning of March with me wfm and only going out to leave kids to school / get shopping, well ahead of official govt advice. Most of my new colleagues did too once we moved into these roles.

Spinnaker - sadly I really don't think schools will be back soon in my region. It simply is not on the cards or included in any plans / discussions no matter what the media says.
Neither of my kids spend much time online - gaming or such like. They are not into it. As a family, we are usually out n about all the time at activities / sports. I have tried to get the wee one to do some online learning like Teach Your Monster to Read but she isn't interested. She will do them if DP or I sit with her.

I had been hoping it would get easier but if anything the work is getting tougher as the potential full impact of this pandemic becomes clearer.

I am going to miss DP so much. We won't see each other for a long time or until proper testing is implemented. I hate that I wont be able to hug and comfort him.

I know this all appears v negative. It may seem more manageable in the cold light of another day.

@boomshakalika another suggestion. Could the 11 year old help to teach the 5 year old? They might actually enjoy it. Get them to play a board game together, get them to plan a sports day and what would be included in it when this is over. I have so many ideas. Hell I would even teach them over Skype or zoom or something if it helped you. Think of as many out of the box wacky things. For example, would friends or family maybe talk to the little one and ask her to read to them etc?

I also notice you say “ they are not having some wonderful alternative learning experience”. That’s a rose tinted view of the world, very few children are. Just try and do what you can do for them.