Allowing gardener to continue working?

[PoppliosBubble]

My mother is elderly and vulnerable and is currently isolating on her own (although we’re FaceTiming a lot and waving through the window when we walk past). Dm lives in a big house with a big garden which she’s very proud of but is too frail to maintain herself.

On a recent family FaceTime session she mentioned that she was glad her gardener could still come, that I’d he’d stopped coming now she’d have to get him in for loads of extra time when this is over to sort out all the overgrown bits that would have grown. My brother told her that she’s being completely irresponsible, that she clearly thinks the rules don’t apply to her, that if she gets ill it will be all her fault. He then phoned the gardener and cancelled him on her behalf and gave him a mouthful for putting dm at risk.

I have a pretty volatile relationship with my brother but I’m tempted to phone gardener and ask him to come back again. My dm doesn’t go in her garden. At all. She sits in her conservatory and looks at it but for years she hasn’t actually gone out there. My brother wouldn’t know this as he never visits dm. The gardener had worked for her for years. I’m guessing apart from the couple of days a week he does for dm he’s retired anyway. He also always leaves something on the doorstep for dm - a cake or biscuits or a bunch of flowers from the garden. Dm leaves the money for him on the doorstep so there’s no physical interaction (I know this as when lockdown first happened I told her that pinning an envelope with ‘£50 for Dave’ written on it wasn’t the most sensible thing to pin to your front door 🤦‍♀️.

Should I ask gardener to come back? I know strictly speaking it’s not essential. But there’s no risk of being within 2m, gardener only lives down the road so not driving, it keeps my isolated dm happy and gives the gardener some extra cash.

Wwyd?

Your brother is an idiot.

What does he get about it being perfectly acceptable to go to work, if you can't work from home?

*not get

My mother's gardener is still coming. It works for them both.

l'd apologise to the gardener for your brother's behaviour and ask him to come back. Say it wasn't your mother's (or your!) decision and was 'clearly the result of a misunderstanding'.
What does your brother think will happen if he's pissed the gardener off and he won't come back? ls he going to do it?
lt sounds like a complete overreaction. Your mum isn't in any contact with the gardener, and l imagine if she's used to having the garden done regularly, she'll get stressed if she see it not being maintained.
l'd just do it, and hope he'll come back.
Good luck! x

If she isn't going into the garden and having zero contact with the gardener then I really dont see the issue??

I too would call the gardener and explain that your brother is an idiot and ask him to go back.

Tell your brother to mind his own business, apologise to the gardener and go back to usual.
Your mothers mental health and well-being are also important and it sounds like this was a good thing for her

Thanks for the advice. I wasn’t sure if my feelings towards my brother was skewing my reaction. My dm still thinks dbro is gods gift so is now upset that he’s cross with her. At least him being cross with her is better than him ignoring her like he usually does 🙄

mustbethewine that’s what I kept saying to my brother. His reply was ‘oh well if there’s no contact then I’m ok to spend the day on the beach am I? Or go on holiday as long as I make sure there’s no contact? Or go and stay at my girlfriends?’ etc etc

Why does your brother think he has the authority to cancel your mother's gardener, if she organises, communicates and pays for him herself? I assume she's not incapable, just physically frail?

Please please please call the gardener and apologise. I am a self employed gardener myself. Still have all my customers wanting work done. The grass and weeds don’t know it’s a lockdown and everything would be very wild if left indefinitely! Cash in an envelope or bank transfers done by sons/daughters seems to be the preferred method of paying. Jobs lists and coffee time chat can be done over the phone. I also go shopping for a few of them. In my experience, old people eat a LOT of cake and biscuits based on the shopping lists!
I don’t actually see many customers now but they are all relieved to hear I’m still working.
Your mothers gardener sounds lovely. Don’t lose him now as he may well find someone else willing to pay to fill the gap. Self employed financial help won’t arrive until JUNE!!

My mum works as a gardener and she's still working (she only gardens for one client, anyway). Massive garden, she goes no where near the house. Don't see the risk. Plus the exercise is good for my mum (who is in her 70s).

Our gardeners are still working (communal grounds, I'm not that posh!) - they're a family firm so apparently ok for the 2 of them to work together as they also live together and they've been giving any residents a wide berth. I would maybe offer to pay him by bank transfer to save your mum having to get cash for him though.

As long as there is access to the garden without going through the house and the gardener is not coming into the house for cups of tea/to use the loo/get anything etc., then yes absolutely he should be allowed to continue working as he is able to do so while adhering to social distancing guidelines.

My gardener is still coming.

Payment done by bank transfer. He texts me to say when he’s coming, so we can all be inside the house (this is actually a long-standing routine, as dc have ASD so cant cope with the noise or strange people being in the garden!), and we get to continue using the garden which helps us all get fresh air and exercise.

Contact your mums gardener and get him to come back.

A gardener coming is fine. In fact, it's better than fine because that is a person employed, earning and helping th economy. The gardener is in the open air, presumably working in gardening gloves anyway. Your brother sounds like a halfwit.

My mum’s gardener is still coming. My mum lives alone and I think it makes a real difference to her that she can see a friendly familiar face in the garden to wave at!