I'm an AHP in a hospital. Currently trying to do my own job which is very difficult to do (we have to move around a lot of wards, PPE and infection issues with that), our service isn't particularly well respected even though we know we make a massive difference to the patients so giving us precious PPE isn't a priority etc. Constant threat of redeployment hanging over us because how important are we anyway? 🤷🏽♀️
Everyday at least 5 things change in terms of working, systems, policy, activity and every day we try to get answers, not do the wrong things, try and see the patients and the only message we get from above is 'what work are you doing? They need people to be redeployed / you need to be flexible and work extra or you might be redeployed' etc. Lots of fluffy 'isn't the NHS amazing being so flexible and doing what's needed to get the job done' nonsense but no practical help or support or even answers to basic questions.
Many people have tested positive in my team due to exposure in the hospital. There's at least 3 people crying every day and we're not a big team!
I'm due back tomorrow and I don't know how to do it. I've not really slept all weekend and lay awake with many scenarios and questions running through my head. If I do fall asleep, I have bad dreams related to work. My chest feels heavy and I'm short of breath (it's not covid, my test came back negative yesterday - it's anxiety), I'm on the verge of tears all the time and can't concentrate on anything at home except trawling news and figures for some hope that this will be over soon. I can't focus on my daughters and feel like I'm a leper in the house. I feel like I'm suffocating and I need to get away but I can't run, I'm stuck in mud and drowning. I don't know what to do. My worst nightmare is bursting in to tears at work because I've been told I must lead by example so other people don't get anxious.
I know there is nothing anyone can do but I just needed to get it off my chest I guess.