Anyone else finding this a strain on your marriage/relationship?

[Littlemiss74]

We’re just not used to spending so much time together as I’m sure everyone is finding. We’re starting to bicker and annoy each other. The children have been really good having not been anywhere for 3 weeks but yesterday ds 12 got a bit upset and said he is missing school and is bored now. He looked really down.

I’m trying my best but it it taking it’s toll. Me & DH had a petty argument earlier and I just feel really upset.
It’s been a tough few weeks with my DF being ill and I’m in a vulnerable group so my anxiety is so high.

I just wondered if anyone else was feeling similar and if we could try and support each other?
I feel like I just want to escape for a day. I do fully understand why this is necessary but it is hard work!

I think we are all feeling the same. There have been so many similar threads in AIBU area of Mumsnet.

Oh really, I never go to that area!😄

Littlemiss, it is hard work, I agree. An unnatural way to live.

I imagine there are quite a number of families in which existing undercurrents of abuse are getting amplified to a scary degree right now. And many more in which low level bickering is simply wearing people down.

I know yesterday I wanted to escape on my own into nature which is what I would normally do, but felt I couldn't.

Do you have a garden at all where you could be by yourself for a while? Or could you maybe take a long bath?

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. And for me!

We’re giving each other as much space as we can! We’ve not had any rows but we’re definitely irritating each other a little bit.

DD is driving me absolutely bonkers though, I actually feel quite sad about it as I love her so much. She has turned into an absolute horror and isn’t pleasant to be with. I’m trying so hard to be empathetic as this must all be so odd for her and she’s poorly too, but my word she’s pushing my buttons!!

Thank you @OutwiththeOutCrowd - we do have a garden but the dc’s are out there so much which is lovely with this weather so I am never alone. I feel like my dd 7 wants us to entertain her all day long. I know it’s hard for her and she’s probably a bit unsettled but I can’t even go to the toilet without her hunting me down and calling me! This morning she appeared at 7.30 in our bedroom and said she was bored!

My DH and I have very little time alone together and when we do we’re knackered so just stick tv on for a bit and then go to bed.

I’m trying to wfh although have this week off which is nice but I just feel like more and more little things are irritating us about each other.
I’m so anxious about having to isolate for 12 weeks as at some point he’s going to have to go back to work and I’m worried he’ll bring it home. I am more irritable than usual because I’m anxious but I don’t think he really gets it and I think I’m just irritating him by talking about it.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

@Gillian1980 I totally understand! How old is your dd? The thing is I know they need us at this strange time but I feel we also need some self-preservation for our own sanity!!

You’re not alone OP. I love DP to pieces but he’s a sports coach, who works 12-14 hour days 7 days a week, typically burning about 2,000 calories a day and now can’t work and we live in a tiny 1 bedroom flat! We’re just not used to ever spending more than a couple of hours at a time together. He is driving me insane!
It’s the inane chat all day, he’s just constantly making a noise And asking me a million questions just for something to talk about. I’ve taken to telling him I have important work to focus on and he needs to be quiet for half an hour.

@littlemiss74
Dd is 4 and was just getting used to school (reception) so is feeling very unsettled. She needs constant attention as is to be expected at her age, but she loses it completely if we have to do anything else. Also have Ds 10 months and both trying to wfh. 😭

@Gillian1980 wow that is hard, feel for you there

Yes. Little things that are usually minor irritations are becoming magnified. I really need my own space and usually have a day off work in the week for precious 'me time' but obviously now with no school it's not a day off so I'm feeling the lack of time alone. We have a small flat too albeit with a garden so nowhere to escape to!!! Gareden is a section shared with neighbours (separate sections) and its stressing me out having to discreetly explain to the kids that social distancing still applies when they wander into the other gardens. DH is failing to remind them.

I miss proper exercise too. I prefer swimming and classes in person and not getting on with online yoga etc. I'm not a runner and not about to start now. I think that isn't helping. I'm usually more active and swimming is my stress relief.

Dh loves work too and is missing not working properly. In 'normal life' we have a good work life balance. We both have the right amount of time off, down time, social time etc to suit our personalities and are able to play to our strengths.

Aware we are very fortunate and able to stay in and my heart goes out to frontline workers but you did ask and yes, its taking its toll on the marriage!

Kids are happy as Larry though so at least we have that!

Yes! I’m ready to murder DH, and I’m fairly confident he feels the same. We’ve actually been doing pretty much ok until today, but I flipped at him being on his phone constantly, even when I’m talking to him. He’s now in a huff as he obviously thinks I’m being unreasonable. Usually we’d go to work and by the time we’re home it’s forgotten about, but with no escape everything is amplified.

Yes - DH is great but we're really starting to irritate each other and we're both snappy. Alternating walks with the children helps - one of us will take the children out and the other goes for a walk on their own. The next day we swap.

I have a 3 year old and an almost two year - both relentless and exhausting! Love them but do count the minutes down to bedtime most evenings.

Yes unfortunately. DH working from home needs quiet to concentrate. Combined with an ADHD teen at home it is horrible. I'm spending all my days trying to help ds to not shreik /make noises, in-between trying to get him to do some school work.
I'm can't relax at all and feeling constantly anxious. It's just survival mode

Make time for each other without the tv. It's amazing how much you can connect over 15 minutes of card games (for example) once dc are in bed.