I’m suddenly just a bit lonely

[firstdatesfear]

I’ve been doing ok, I still have to work but I guess it keeps some routine and human contact going. I go to the shops once a week and I run some days too. Because I have to work 4 days a week I don’t go out every day to exercise- I feel like my quota for going out is already partly taken with work.

I live on my own, and have been on my own for 6 years- not through want of trying. And suddenly, just thinking about a very intense fling from the end of last year, a wave of total and utter sadness just cake over me. It’s quiet in my house, terrestrial tv isn’t currently working in the living room and so unusually I’ve got it off. I’m going to do some tidying in a minute.

I had to ‘unfriend’ the man from fb, every time he ‘liked’ something of mine, a pic of him with his new girlfriend would pop up and I didn’t want to keep seeing it. He follows me on another app, I don’t care about that as I don’t follow him, and he’s just popped up on another one. Yes, I know I can get rid on those too, it’s ok.

But these are strange times and here I am on my own, I just went to find someone for me, a partner, a best friend. I generally love such a full busy life- being single doesn’t stop me doing anything and I do online dating too though the most recent potential from there has stopped messaging now, I think his interest ran out when we couldn’t meet.

I’m really good in my own company, I happily spend nights and weekends on my own, dotted through the year with really busy other ones but I just feel really sad and lonely tonight. I’d like to have someone to talk to, someone to discuss everything with, someone to cuddle up to on the sofa and I’ve not had that for 6 years.

I could be more melodramatic and I’m holding back because it’s a stupidly embarrassing side to myself that I hate. I just wanted to reach out because there’s a lump in my throat and I don’t know where it came from 😔

Firstly, you sound lovely and like you have lots of things going for you.
Secondly, these are strange times and our emotions are no doubt heightened and all over the place. I know I’ve been having very vivid dreams about people, relationships from the past. I think we naturally think about people we had important connections with when we’re faced with a crisis, and the reality of mortality.
Being on your own is a bit different when it’s not a choice, I think. And right now our choices are vastly reduced, and we don’t know when that will alter. So it’s perfectly natural to feel pretty despondent when we can’t see any sign of an unhappy state coming to an end in the near future.
You sound like you’re coping with current circumstances really well, by exercising sometimes and keeping routines going - these things are really important.

You’re feeling sad and you’ve been courageous to acknowledge that and write about it.

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice as such, but I really wanted you to know that you’re not alone, even though you might feel that way tonight ❤️

Oh, that does sound tough! I’m crap at advice, sorry. But hang in there. Hopefully this will all be over soon and you can find someone to share your sofa with!

Thank you, I really appreciate your reply. I just feel really snappy with people online at the moment, but feel like I need that social media contact to keep busy if that makes sense. I’m fairly reliant on it on a good day, so even more so at the moment.

I’m not finding the lack of social contact as bad as a lot of people but the outrush of emotion I’m seeing so much of I find so cringy even though I feel I should find joy and hope in it, it makes me feel annoyed and embarrassed instead. 2 of my favourite programmes are down from 5x a week to 2x and that’s my little after work wind down routine gone!

I know I’m moaning, and I know so many people have it so much worse than me but I just feel lonely and sad. I don’t massively miss nights out or even days out I don’t feel- but maybe I just miss freedom and potential. I can’t see myself living a life with no children in it (though thank god I don’t have my own at the moment, massive well done to all parents!!) but this is even more time that I can’t be dating and trying to find someone for me. I just feel a bit shit.

I’m snapping at people, I’m annoyed and cross at everyone and I’m frustrated. But I’m also being misunderstood in what I’m saying so maybe others are just as snappy as I am right now, I don’t know.

In so many ways I’m having a lovely time, time to get my house in order a bit, the washing, loving the baking time and runs in the sunshine- long lie ins. But perhaps it’s a bit too much thinking time that’s sneaked up on me.

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling lonely :(
It's hard to find something to look forward to at the moment even in the best circumstances!
Please remember that this too will pass, despite the doom and gloom things will get better xx

I hear you OP. I have been single for 8 years (?!) and recently got a new job, full of optimism about meeting someone going out after work. I am running out of fertile time. I would very much love a boyfriend. I do find music, radio etc. helps. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for your replies, it’s just very up and down I think. I’m not sleeping very well (for me) and that’s not helping either. Keeping busy is, though, so that’s something I guess.