It's hard and lonely

[catflapuk]

Week four for me working from home. I live on my own. My DP lives in another country. Long distance relationship. He has a SEN son who leaves us little or no time atm. It's hard for everyone.

I haven't had a face to face conversation in over three weeks. I go for my daily walk. It's my lifeline! But my life is very silent. I catch up with friends over video. But what do you discuss when life is on hold? It's either Corona or trivial stuff you have tried to keep yourself busy with.

It's hitting home now how lonely I am atm. I do manage to get busy and stay sane..but right now I feel very down. I have already cried a couple of times today.

Good thing my job is quite safe so I don't need to worry about financials.

I remember the last time I spoke to a friend in person so vividly. Precious memory

Hi yes it’s tough on your own 💐

I'm in a similar boat, minus the bf and the work. I really don't understand why people struggle with it if I'm honest. Though perhaps being lonely in love is harder than being single?

Has the fact that your partner isnt really there for you weighing on you? I dont think having a kid with sen is a reason not to skype in three weeks. And neither do you, right? Maybe you are thinking of cutting things off, but worried about feeling more alone...

I think when you are happy in your own company, being on your own a lot, isn't a struggle. Maybe this time could be used to practice some self love. Know that you dont need any half-assed people in your life.

Pick out some box sets. Maybe start learning a language or something. Use this time to get comfortable being on your own. We might find that skill will come in useful a lit more in future.

I’m sorry you’re feeling low and lonely. It is just a bit shit isn’t it (understatement)?

I think whatever your situation feelings of how crap this is can hit and knock you for six. But the knocking for six is likely to be there and then, with time, you’ll feel better.

I don’t know, I go through periods of depression and anxiety (long standing, not Cv related) and i find it helpful to know however bad it feels you can count on the fact that these feelings will pass - through changing circumstances (yay, for no lockdown!) or changing perspective (don’t really mean blithely ‘looking on the bright side’ just your mood can shift, with just something - possibly something random - that lifts you).

I really don't understand why people struggle with it if I'm honest

Because all people are different?

Same here. I'm a Norse so still working although it's very quiet at the minute. However I'm now on annual leave and every single thing I had planned is cancelled. I was so looking forward to this week. 9 more days to go till I go back to work. I offered to work extra but they don't need Any extra staff.

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP, it sounds very lonely. My heart goes out to those who are doing this in isolation with nobody else with them.

@wanderlust21 good for you if that's how you feel, but clearly the OP doesn't feel that way! Box sets or a new language just aren't going to cut it when the loneliness takes over. I always considered myself to be an introvert but I'd struggle massively if it was just me. And I consider myself to be a happy person!

It will pass OP. Keep up the contact. I get what you're saying about there not being much to talk about but could you try something like playing an online pub quiz? Virtual disco? Eat a meal with a friend online? We are planning to have my parents 'join' is for Easter Sunday lunch via Zoom, they will eat at the same time as us! Something that would have sounded crazy a few weeks ago, but we are trying to be as inventive as we can.

How well do you know your neighbours? I'm hearing of some communities where people are enjoying a socially distance cuppa together to support those who are in solo isolation.

Sorry if any of these are not plausible, just trying to think my way round new ways to connect...

Nurse. Not Norse!

Do you meet people on your daily walk?

I meet a few people when out and about and nearly everyone is happy to have a chat, at a distance of course.

It is lonely. I have kids at home but keep remembering the last day they were at school and the parents I chatted to in the playground. They're not even particular friends but I would give a million pounds to be chatting about insignificant rubbish in the playground with them at 3pm tomorrow.

I would also say that rather than a prob with your relationship it sounds like what you’re seeking is connections where conversations with friends aren’t as deep as they usually would be because it’s all just by video and phone about ‘stuff’.

I’ve found this - I chat to friends but it’s almost like we’re all putting on this facade of normalcy, positivity and good humour. Whereas sometimes you just want to say it’s not fair, I’m bored, I’m sad, this is crap. I know I don’t really want to as I don’t want them to worry. But could you reach out to them to really let them know how you feel? Just have a blow out to a pal - I did, made me feel much chirpier to get everything out!

Thank you all! No I don't meet people on my daily walk. I'm in London and meeting friends used up be a day out or somewhere central after work.

I didn't mean I didn't talk to my DP for three weeks. I was referring to face to face conversations in general. It's quite tough for DP and his son really and I want to stay strong for them. But I'm sick with worry that they may catch it.

I hope you are all safe and well. So far I have kept myself busy with baking, cooking, jigsaws, netflix and my plants.

Are you having to self isolate or in vulnerable health?

There are volunteering opportunities around, either with the NHS or bound to be something local to you? I volunteer with a local project and can still get out and about to help vulnerable people ... and (carefully) meet my friends who also volunteer.

I started this thread last week:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3868104-Feeling-isolated-Lets-share-links-to-online-events

I've been taking part in online events with friends and family - pub quizzes, live comedy, an open mic music night, watching the National Theatre, play One Man, Two Guvnors. It's not quite the same but it gives us all something to talk about...