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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Visiting elderly parents

33 replies

Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 11:40

My parents have both had Covid 19 and one was hospitalised. Both now home but very elderly and struggling to do basic things.

They want me to go and help them. Is it ok to go down for a week to help them get back on their feet? Will they still be infectious?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 11:41

Sorry meant to put this on Coronavirus section and didn’t want voting!

OP posts:
MouthBreathingRage · 06/04/2020 11:43

We have no idea if people can get reinfected if they have already caught it. Is it a risk you or them want to take? You would probably have to stay with them indefinitely, do you have your own family at home that you could be away from?

PotteringAlong · 06/04/2020 11:45

No, it isn’t. You can go and move in with them for the duration (or they with you) but you cannot go and visit for a week

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 06/04/2020 11:46

You need to work out all the tasks they are finding difficult and work out how to get them done without visiting

cologne4711 · 06/04/2020 11:54

Yes you can go because it's for caring responsibilities.

However pp's have pointed out they could still be infectious so you need to consider your own family if you have one. You might have to stay longer than you thought - or you may become ill yourself and they may not be well enough to care for you. I think those considerations are more important than whether it technically comes within the rules.

If there are other options I'd explore those first (though not sure if carers or volunteers are going to want to go into a house with confirmed COVID-19 sufferers). However, if it's just about food shopping and the like, that should be possible to organise.

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/04/2020 11:55

Yes you can visit them for caring purposes just wash your hands as much as possible and if possible keep your distance - but that’s not always possible

Pinkdelight3 · 06/04/2020 11:55

What sort of things are they struggling with?

Original poster
Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 11:56

I don’t think I should not go at all. It’s a long drive but emotionally they are pressuring me to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 11:57
  • don’t think I should go.

They are struggling cooking and still recovering from the virus.

OP posts:
Kit19 · 06/04/2020 11:59

I sympathise OP but I would exhaust every other option first. There will be help locally - covid19 mutual aid groups, most local authorities have set up hubs which are coordinating all the different local services, local Age UK is usually a good place to start to find out what's available

coconutpie · 06/04/2020 11:59

Can you arrange for cooked food to be sent to them that they can just reheat? If they are still infectious, you will catch it too and end up giving it to your family ....

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2020 11:59

I think technically you are allowed it.
I think it is a bit risky for you and anyone you come into contact with though

HeartyGreenSalad · 06/04/2020 12:01

Check with your local age concern, they are supporting a lot of people like your parents
I don't think you should go unless you have ruled everything out

MNHQ
JoMumsnet · 06/04/2020 12:01

@Pamlaaaa

Sorry meant to put this on Coronavirus section and didn’t want voting!

Hi Pamlaaaa, we're moved your thread over to the Coronavirus topic and have switched off the vote function.

Original poster
Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 12:02

It’s me catching it that’s my worry. This makes me feel selfish as they would never normally plead with me to go and help out.

They were released from hospital last week but given no advice on whether they are still infectious.

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 06/04/2020 12:03

Okay well they don't need to cook for the time being so that's not a reason to go. As long as you can arrange food deliveries for them and they can eat (if not cook), then that's not a situation that needs you to put your health and that of others in danger for. They shouldn't be emotionally pressuring you and you don't have to go against your better judgement to give into it. They need to take things slowly and look after each other.

astropoodle · 06/04/2020 12:10

The guidelines say that you can leave your house to fulfil caring responsibilities for people who are vulnerable. I'd be cautious of taking the infection back to your own family, you might find you have to stay at your parents house until this is over.

prisonofficersareimportanttoo · 06/04/2020 12:11

Have a look and see if local cafes and restaurants are doing a meal delivery services - there is one near us who posts weekly what the menu is and prices. That would help out with them eating, and avoid the hassle of preparing a meal if they don't feel up to it as well.

On their local FB page there may be a group who could help with dropping off shopping or even a meal for them. And register them for the vulnerable person scheme on the gov.uk website if they haven't already done this.

Original poster
Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 12:15

They’ve got relatives who can drop off shopping. Good idea about heated meals being delivered. Will look into this.

OP posts:
disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 06/04/2020 12:17

The simple answer op is yes you can visit them for caring purposes. This is specifically allowed in the list of exemptions. However you need to take all the usual precautions of hand washing, etc as no one is yet sure about reinfections.

If it's a long journey do not forget gloves for any petrol pumps/garage doors you may need to touch .

runrabbitrunrunrun · 06/04/2020 12:35

Yes I would or maybe get a carer for them?

Itsjustmee · 06/04/2020 16:50

Look on FB in their local area try it by CV19 and the postcode Then post asking for help for your parents .
There are loads of places doing on line deliveries and lots of people volunteering to do deliveries and shopping for people
I’m doing a regular weekly shop for one man who is disabled . We swooped numbers via FB and he texts me what he needs and I get it for him and he pays me. So far it’s working out well for him as I am getting to know what he wants so know where to get stuff from .
There are a lot of nice people out there OP who are willing to help if you ask

Original poster
Pamlaaaa · 06/04/2020 21:19

I spoke to them earlier and sourced a local company to o deliver meals but they are asking me to still go down to stay for a week.

Does anyone know how long the virus is infectious after being hospitalised and very ill with it? They are still coughing.

OP posts:
Buzztothemoon · 06/04/2020 21:25

Viral coughs can last a long time. So it’s rather a question of other symptoms. Are they still running a temperature for example which would indicate they were still fighting infection. But otherwise generally you wouldn’t expect people to be infectious after 3-5 days which is why the advice is to go stay in for 7 days after symptoms (although longer if you still have a temp for example). So you are probably fine to go if you want to from an infection perspective. But that doesn’t mean you have to of course if you’re worried.

cologne4711 · 06/04/2020 21:32

The National Blood Service will take blood from you if you have had it and are still coughing as long as you are well. "Recovery from Coronavirus definition: If you are well and free of fever and respiratory symptoms. A cough may persist for several weeks in some people, despite the coronavirus infection having cleared, but this won’t stop you donating if you are otherwise well and all guidance above has been followed" my.blood.co.uk/KnowledgeBase/Index/coronavirus

Maybe wait until after Easter and then consider going. It sounds like they're ok if there are relatives locally to help out with food shopping etc. It's not selfish not to go immediately, you need to consider your own health and that of your family if you have one.

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