Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

I think my nan is dying and I can't see her

14 replies

Knocksomesense · 04/04/2020 14:13

My nan is desperately ill and in her mid/late 80's. She hasn't got CV but has a "mass" and also hasn't urinated properly in more than a week (inserted a cathater).

She's not well but being treated at home and I'm so desperate to see her. I won't see her, I can't but its so horrible to feel that she is alone in this

OP posts:
Cornishbelle · 04/04/2020 14:57

Don't know what to say except I'm sorry OP that must be very hard xx

twinnywinny14 · 04/04/2020 14:58

Oh that’s horrible, I sympathise as when my Nan was really poorly with little chance of recovery I couldn’t visit as I had norovirus. I felt so frustrated and upset but in the end it’s a short period of time in your relationship together and doesn’t take away from all the times you have spent together over the years xx

Doyoumind · 04/04/2020 14:59

This so sad. Are those treating her able to help with a video call?

bobbityboop · 04/04/2020 15:04

If you've been advised she could go imminently or it's a matter of days I would go and see her.

The point of isolating the elderly is to protect them from getting CV but in this situation I think that point is moot.

I feel for you OP. I lost my Nan in Jan 18 and my chest still pangs when I think of how much I miss her. She was my rock.

If you can see her without putting anybody else in the house at risk I would go and say goodbye Thanks

Original poster
Knocksomesense · 04/04/2020 16:22

I haven't been told it's imminent but it seems very obvious to me and my family that the end is near.

I've been calling her every day. She sleeps a lot. She is retaining fluid which is beginning to settle on her lungs. They have treated this before which caused her sodium levels to drop and issues with her heart. She's not in a good day.

This sounds selfish but I wouldn't be giving it to her. It's the potential of me catching it. The family member who is caring for her is a key worker and my son is vulnerable. I can't see her. Although my family member is only.popping in twice a day briefly for medication.

My poor nan is dying all alone

OP posts:
Original poster
Knocksomesense · 05/04/2020 22:28

I've hit a massive low today. Nan didn't sound good when I spoke to her earlier - a little breathless.

She doesn't want to go to hospital for her scan because she is worried she won't be let out because of CV.

It's hit me today that I might never see my nan again

OP posts:
Iris243 · 05/04/2020 22:34

I’m so sorry. I’m glad you were able to talk to her on the phone a little.

Is it possible to write her a letter? Or send her a photo of you both to keep with her?

Toothsil · 05/04/2020 22:37

I understand how you feel. We almost lost my grandma a couple of months ago, she was in hospital with pneumonia. She pulled through - she'd been so poorly we were called to say goodbye - and is now home with carers and we can't visit. I'm so scared we won't see her again, and two of her carers have confirmed COVID-19 and are now off, which is a huge worry.

How2Help · 05/04/2020 22:38

Big hugs, this is very hard. I’m glad you can speak to her and she will know you are thinking of her. I’m also glad she can make her own decision about going to hospital or not.

It is tough feeling you may not see her again. But you will never forget her. However, I hope this passes and you do see her again.

Original poster
Knocksomesense · 07/04/2020 12:16

Nan has an emergency appointment at the hospital for a scan on her lump tomorrow. She is in good spirits today but said it's getting her down not being able to breathe properly.

They've changed her meds so I'm watching closely for signs of confusion.

This is really so hard from 200 miles away

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 07/04/2020 12:23

I'm so sorry OP. Sorry for your poorly nan and sorry that you can't see her. Flowers

Original poster
Knocksomesense · 09/04/2020 23:10

So weirdly the abdomen scan (which apparently was an internal pelvic scan) shows an issue with her heart.

I hate listening to her deteriorating and not knowing or understanding.

Still looking for the inevitable sodium drop and confusion. At least she was perky today when I called

OP posts:
Really12345 · 09/04/2020 23:15

I am sorry your nan is unwell. I think she (or a family member with her permission) needs to ask her doctor/nurse if she is imminently dying, if so there is no reason you should not visit, or better still move in to care for her In Her last days as as horrid as it’s sounds if she is dying already then it doesn’t matter if she catches Coronavirus, what matters is that she is as comfortable as possible. If she needs care it is acceptable for you to go and perform that care.

DandelionsDandelions · 09/04/2020 23:19

So sorry to hear this xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page