Thread for those still working without childcare

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Me and DH still both working. Not entitled to childcare as our roles are not on the list. I wfh, DH cannot wfh. Just to be clear I’m very very grateful for both our jobs right now. So far I’ve been able to reduce my hours but it’s getting more difficult to do. I don’t have anyone to talk to as I’m just so incredibly busy trying to work and do childcare (kids are young so it’s full on) while most couples I know have someone furloughed who can absorb the childcare and many are complaining of being bored and sharing what Netflix series to binge on. I just can’t relate at the moment. Anyone else in a similar situation? Just wanted to talk to people in a similar position.

[Schoolchoicesucks]

My employer is offering to discuss me reducing my hours to help with childcare. So to drop to 3 days from 4 a week. With a corresponding 25% pay cut.
I'm going to have to accept it, but it is bloody galling when half the staff have been furloughed on full pay and many others whose workload has been reduced have been told they don't need to work full 8 hour days - 6 is enough.

[Taswama]

Is there a company policy of topping up furloughed staff? If so, you’d be better off being furloughed due to caring responsibilities.

[Elizadoingverylittle]

Keyworker but lucky to be able to work from home and not on frontline. DH frontline keyworker. Working 14 hour days with a teething 8 month old who screams when he's not directly beside me or sitting on my knee, and a 3 year old who is used to spending most of the week running around outside with her friends at nursery. Expectations at work are huge, deadlines ridiculous. I'm almost on my knees and need a good cry everyday. Suspect I'm not the only one!
Only getting through it by taking a day at a time and not looking beyond, and the thought that I'm bloody lucky to still have a job.

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

i think we’ve reached breaking point here. DH has said he thinks the kids will have to go and stay with a relative for a few days as he is not able to cope any longer and I feel pretty burnt out too. Not really sure what to do. We’re being asked to do the impossible and it’s basically illegal for us to get any support even for a couple of hours.

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

WhereIsTheLove is your DH still working out of the home? So you are in sole care of dc’s and wfh? It sounds absolutely impossible.

Is there any way you can speak to your employer without risking your job? I honestly don’t think some companies have a clue what some of their employees are going through. It doesn’t help that the government seem completely blind to working parents altogether.

I’ve had some relief today as DH took a day off. The difference is massive. I’ve been asked to take on some extra responsibility at work and have politely and firmly said no!

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Yes DH is working outside the home so I’m sole carer whilst wfh. My work keeps sending out helpful tips for the parents like ‘I schedule in breaks in the working day to go and do something with the kids. I enjoy some quality time with them and my wife enjoys the break’....they don’t seem to even fathom the idea that someone might not have a partner covering childcare. Also my company are not offering furlough to anyone even for childcare reasons. The only option is unpaid leave and I’d feel like I was putting my job at risk as everyone else is still working and no one is even recognising my situation as a problem. I have a day off tomorrow so will see if that refreshes us both.

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Also @JollyYellaHumberElla well done for saying no to the extra responsibilities! It’s hard to say no but in these circumstances you can’t be expected to take on more. I’m glad your DH managed to get a day off. It must have been so nice. I wonder if they will ease the restrictions enough for kids to be looked after in small groups (eg a childminder) 🤞🏻🤞🏻

[bmachine]

Oh my gosh those emails would infuriate me. Do you have somone you can raise it with at work? It sounds like a big organisation with emails like that ...surly there are a few of you in the same boat?


I feel in the same position... like i have to just suck it up to avoid sticking out when and if they do redundancies. This really isnt sustainable. And yes im up at 1:30 ..i have a deadline and obviously couldnt get solid work in during the day.

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

@bmachine sorry to hear you had to be up so late. Did you get your work finished for the deadline? I hope you weren’t too exhausted today as a consequence? Yes it’s a big organisation. They’ve just announced that they are planning a staff survey. I hope it’ll be anonymous as then I will feel free to be honest without putting myself in the firing line for any redundancies.

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Is there anything that people have found others can do to help in these circumstances? We have decided to embrace takeaways more (so one less meal to cook) and DC1 has been playing minecraft online with a relative once a week which basically keeps one of them out of our hair for an hour.

[ITasteSpring]

I started a post on this too! It is really, really hard.

[poshme]

Just joining in here.

I'm wfh & doing all the childcare/schoolwork supervising.

And getting pissed of with all the 'oh today I baked with my kids & loving all the time together' crap on social media. And 'are you getting bored' NO I'm working my arse off.

[myself2020]

Yes, both of us fulltime with a 7 year old with SENDs and a 3 year old. i’m so tired, the house looks like a tip.

[myself2020]

Luckily my boss and his wife are in the same situation. it helps lot to have a boss who really understands.
but i want to go ballistic every time someone mentions how bored they are/how nice it us to have so much free time with the kuds

[Oblomov20]

Really struggling here. Yes admittedly teens are older, so not like some of you who have primary or toddlers. But I've got an old job and also a new, very demanding job, the WiFi is now Rubbish because the world and their dog are at home using it and I am really really struggling I've shouted at the ds's and it's not good.

[jelly79]

I have my DD17 looking after my DS2 so I can WFH. She is amazing but I feel so guilty that I am asking so much of her but don't really have a choice. Trying to be flexible with my hours and give her 3 days to do her own thing (in her room or hang with us) I do t know how I would manage being a single parent without her.
I also feel really grateful to have been able to keep working and getting lots of extra time with my kids

[helia]

DH and I are both working our full time jobs from home at the moment and caring for our three year old without any childcare. DH works from approx. 6 until 10 and then I work from 10 until 3. I can manage another hour or so then if I put my son in front of the TV. My husband tends to work until 6 and then we both log in to pick up emails after DS is asleep. His days are very long. I've ended up picking up most of the housework so I'm doing all of that before I start work at 10 on top of the childcare which too often seems to involve switching Disney+ on. We've switched to eating our main meal at lunchtime as DH has more time to cook then and DS eats better when he's not tired. DS has become quite clingy since lockdown began and won't sleep by himself at night if he wakes (which he does every night) so we're quite tired.

I'm fed up tonight. My holiday year has just started so I am going to try to take a day off every week for a few weeks. It's tough at the moment as I work in the public sector and I need to be available to respond to queries which are coming through thick and fast at the moment.

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

Good idea to arrange a time for dcs to do something online with a relative.

I thought about a game (chess, scrabble) online with grandparents at a regular time in the day. Even if just for 45 mins or an hour.

My youngest simply won’t sit in front of tv or a film or iPad game independently. She’s hyper all day and needs constant supervision, so having gp’s actively playing with her online might work.

Covid press update today did actually mention working parents who are also covering childcare and finding it challenging. Companies should absolutely be noting this as an issue. With weeks of this ahead, people are going to burn out.

[helia]

How's everyone managing today?

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

I’ve managed a bit better yesterday and today (I’m having an actual lunch break!) but that’s because DH has ended up taking leave.

Dreading next week as we’re both back full time and looking at heavy workloads.

work in the public sector and I need to be available to respond to queries which are coming through thick and fast at the moment

I’m in a similar position being everyone’s emergency contact. My work is deadline based and can be multiple deadlines in the week. I’m thinking of breaking up dc’s activities into half or one hour slots. Keep things more scheduled.

[Kittywampus]

Hello everyone, this week has been tricky, they closed our local park and ds has been climbing the walls as I don't think he is getting enough fresh air or exercise. He is 4 and is missing his friends. I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday and shouted at the children then cried.

I am lucky that I am still being paid and my manager is relatively understanding as she has children too. But it looks like I am going to lose the chance to work on an interesting project that I was lined up for as my manager says that she needs someone who can work on it uninterrupted ie someone without children. It's annoying because my job is really boring and this was something that actually interested me.

[ChristmasSeacow]

So relieved to have found this thread! If I see another ‘imaginative craft’ session or home school report from my lovely (wealthy) stay at home mum friend whose DH only works 2 days pw I will punch the screen!

DH and I both wfh. He’s had his hours and pay reduced by 25 % but the plonker still had a ‘presentee’ mentality and isn’t stepping back enough. I know he’s worried about his job but needs must.

I work for nhs (corporate) and am so busy! May have to start going on site soon too as they may redeploy us to support clinical areas. I have no idea how he’d cope then.

We have a 2-yr old and a 7-yr old with ASD and significant SN. Both could go to school /nursery in theory, as I am a key worker (and DS has an EHCP), but DS’s school can’t maintain the level of support he needs, and DD’s nursery has closed completely because they couldn’t get catering . So they are at home and very hard work. Ds is completely on edge and prone to huge screeching fits during the day. DH and I can’t be on calls at the same time as each other as someone needs to be on hand at all times. DD says she is scared of her brother . I feel I am massively failing them (and work, but I care more about failing the DC).

Annoyingly I am on a fixed term contract till November and unlikely to get renewed. So I’m flogging my guts out now, and have the kids home too, yet come winter I’ll probably have neither to do and i expect jobs in my specific niche will be hard to come by. So worst of all worlds. But I’m banking the income while I can as DH’s company is far from confident they’ll ride this out.

I am doing way more than my share with the kids during the day, partly because DH isn’t being realistic about work, and partly because the DC are permanently upset and want me. I then work at night. Wednesday and Thursday I was up till after 2am. I will have to spend at least a full day this weekend (and a long night) writing a report I’ve not got done in the week. I am totally burnt out. Kids aren’t getting any home schooling. Not fussed about the nearly 3-yr old as play is fine for her, but DS needs stuff to do, both for boredom and because he’s already not at expected level in anything and needs a lot of help. If he was at school he’d be having speech and language support as well as tailored lessons and a 1:1 teaching assistant. None of the work school sends home is suitable for him without a lot of tailoring. I haven’t time to do this (nor the knowledge tbh) but am going to have to sleep even less if this goes on as I can’t just leave him bouncing around the house for months.

DH can’t cook at all so I’m still doing all the cooking. He washes up but apparently can’t clean either . Shopping takes time. I am doing it all. Resentment is thoroughly setting in. I’ve told him to choose his project and take something off me. He says he will but we’ll see.

I’ve gained a stone already from stress eating.

This morning I’m ignoring them all for an hour and dyeing my roots. I can’t wait.

Thanks for understanding and letting me vent. And to those who are single parents - you deserve more than a medal! Even my half-useful DH is half useful.

[RideTheThing]

@ChristmasSeacow I hear you. It's so fucking hard

I've been in tears all morning as my DC's school have been messaging with work to complete this term. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it.

One of my children has additional needs and I feel like I'm failing her. The gap between her and her peers is only going to widen during this period.

The rational part of my mind says she's happy, that's the important thing. But I feel so much pressure from so many different sides.

[ITasteSpring]

@RideTheThing

One of my children has additional needs and I feel like I'm failing her. The gap between her and her peers is only going to widen during this period

I feel exactly the same. My son is so far behind his peers - he can't even read or write really - he had only just started to make progress - now this! I have hardly anytime to do school work with him and he hates it when I do anyway. He's so, so, so far behind. I really feel he's so far behind now he will never catch up. I feel like I am utterly failing him.

[RideTheThing]

@ITasteSpring