Thread for those still working without childcare

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Me and DH still both working. Not entitled to childcare as our roles are not on the list. I wfh, DH cannot wfh. Just to be clear I’m very very grateful for both our jobs right now. So far I’ve been able to reduce my hours but it’s getting more difficult to do. I don’t have anyone to talk to as I’m just so incredibly busy trying to work and do childcare (kids are young so it’s full on) while most couples I know have someone furloughed who can absorb the childcare and many are complaining of being bored and sharing what Netflix series to binge on. I just can’t relate at the moment. Anyone else in a similar situation? Just wanted to talk to people in a similar position.

[SueEllenMishke]

I agree that it's difficult for businesses and in turn their employees. I was responding to the point about Boris Johnson not specifically addressing this with businesses.....

However, I think some organisations have significant scope to offer additional flexibility to their staff. I know not all can but some can do more and I'd like to think that this could impact the way we work going forward. I work at a university which is being fantastic.....we've even been given some extra time off over Easter. My friend works at a different uni and they're not being as great. There's no reason for this at all. Ironically, my uni will get a lot more out of me because of their flexibility.



I also think parents need to work out ways to make this work the best they can. I've already lost count the number of threads I've seen in here where men are still expecting to do a full days work uninterrupted leaving all childcare and home learning to their wife who is often also working. That's not on.

[Iggly]

Surely businesses can work that out for themselves? Everyone knows schools and nurseries are shut so it shouldn't take a genius to work out that their staff may also have childcare responsibilities while trying to WFH

It’s mainly mothers who cover this and not many mothers are in senior positions.

[dameofdilemma]

In over twenty years of working in a challenging career I can honestly say I’ve never felt so stressed. I’m not sleeping, can’t switch off from work, constantly worrying how I’m going to meet increasing demands at work.
Am worried how all of this will affect dd in the long run.

I’m paid to work a 4 day week but in reality I’m running between my laptop and dd 10-11 hours a day all week.
The only solution offered by my employer? Work on the weekend to catch up. And that’s in the public sector.

All requests of unpaid leave have been refused. I would have taken that if offered. I’m not expecting to be paid not to work.

Dp does all he can but he works for a medical charity which people are relying on more than ever and frankly I think that work is currently more critical.

And this is before any of us fall ill. I’ve no idea what will happen then.

[PapercraftNinja]

I was also concerned about the long term affect on dd. It’s interesting to hear how others are feeling as I am really struggling and have openly told work that.

I’ve got guilt both ways massively

[SueEllenMishke]

iggly that's a broad sweeping generalisation. While women are underrepresented in senior positions there are still plenty of mother's who are still working and working in senior roles. Myself included.....I'm ridiculously busy and so is DH but we both manage to juggle childcare between us because we're both parents.

[lazysasha]

I've been looking for a post like this 🙏 DH and I are both trying to work from home full-time with our two primary aged kids. DH's boss is being a nightmare, she was ringing him last night and he lost it! She seems to expect that he'll cancel his leave over Easter but he needs a break. He's anxious, which he has never been before (I'm the anxiety filled stress head...).

It doesn't help that I left my old company after 12 years and started new job, changing to full-time, on 23rd March as the country went into lockdown 🤦 New company insist that I'm a keyworker, I'm not and all my job can do be done from home.

My kids are sick of us asking them to be quiet as we make numerous calls/Teams/Skype meetings. Their screen time is through the roof!

But today we all cleaned the house, went for a walk, danced around the house and practiced our Joe Wicks routines on the trampoline. I know that I'm lucky as I can be with my immediate family while others have to isolate themselves from their loved ones. I live near a hospital and the stories that I've heard are heartbreaking. My inconvenience and stress is only temporary, but sometimes I really need to rant.

[AnneElliott]

I get you op. I'm wfh but still properly working. I'm lucky DS is 13 - no way I could work and look after him if he was younger.

His school is sending work but he needs motivation. But I can only help in the evenings when I finish work.

[Pleasedontdrawonyoursister]

Yep! I have 3 DC, 6 4 and 1. Also wfh 16 hours a week and my partner is still working outside the home. It’s a complete nightmare and most days I end up in tears as I feel like I am failing at everything. The house is a mess the schoolwork isn’t done and work isn’t finished so I log back on until 11pm at night. I tried to make one video meeting last week and all 3 of the kids decided to scream/interrupt at one point so I had to excuse myself. It’s just not sustainable at all, I’m going to book some time off over the next few weeks as I feel I’m heading towards a breakdown. (My 6 year old asked me today why I am always ‘stressy’ at the moment!).

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

Us too!

Both WFH, and trying to parent a 3-yo.

It's tough. Some days it feels like we're doing okay (when we don't have meeting clashes), but many days it feels like we're just about managing not to truly fuck up either our jobs, or our child.

I'm the main earner, DH was hopeful of being furloughed, so far, no cigar.

My company are being brilliant about it, lots of parents throughout the company including the exec, lots of good comms around how they understand and appreciate what we're doing and that non parents need to do the same, and work on the presumption wer'e all doing all we can.

I know we're lucky, we're healthy, we have jobs, we have a (mainly) really lovely kid... But it's hard.

[MrsLeclerc]

Yes to all of this. DS is 19 months old and I’ve been told as long as I do my hours it’s fine. But that means I need to fit in 5 hours of work a day around 13 hours of child rearing.

DH is a key worker WFH but in a call centre role so has to lock himself upstairs 9-5 taking incoming calls. His employer said the customers can’t hear child/dog noises in the background. Have they ever been in a house with a toddler?!

I was doing a few hours from 6ish until just before 9am, nap time of an hourish then from 7pm while DH did bath and bed. How is this sustainable?

As it turns out I’ve caught bloody Covid and I’m off sick. I had a week of burning, tight chest pain that I ignored because I thought it was stress.

My friends are posting pics of their LO’s are doing developmental games in the garden. Poor DS can now make the Netflix babum bum sound perfectly.

[C33P0]

Yep, working with a 5 and 2 year old. I'm working partly from home and partly out of the house. I'm mostly working mornings, then I swap with DH at lunchtime and take over the childcare. It's hard work and DH is particularly struggling with it.

I'm not managing to do all my hours. I normally work 4 days per week and I would say I'm managing about 75% of that. My employer has been great about this, but they have also just told us that we're all having our hours and pay cut from beginning of May. It's not great, but I'm also partly relieved as it will make childcare less of an issue. I just hope both of our jobs are secure.

Hats off to all the single parents and those with keyworker spouses.

[Zantedeschia]

Yes, both of us supposed to be working away as normal. With no school/afterschool/GPs/babysitters that we could normally call on.

Result is the kids are getting sadly neglected Actually got dc2 to do some writing today and it's deteriorated so much

Way too much screen time and behaviour gone pretty bad. But how to find the time for them too?

[Taswama]

I think this shows up the culture and how well your team functions. A friend is chatting to her colleagues three times per week and it’s rarely about work. We had our first group chat after 2 weeks at home and it was purely about work. We were asked to rate our team’s week on a smiley face scale (dark green to dark red). After the first person had said light green it’s very hard to say red. None of my peers have picked up the phone for a chat, only my boss and my direct reports. Of course I’ve not rung any of my peers either as I’m either educating, working or just occasionally carving out 10 mins for myself to read a book/ have a cup of tea.

[KatzP]

I’m so glad I found this thread and am not alone. Last week I spent feeling like I was having a breakdown. It’s all too much. I’m wfh as is DH. He’s a director at his firm so they are really busy trying to make sure all the employees are ok, work is coming in etc. The responsibility of having 500 people looking to you and your peers to keep it all going and have jobs is huge.

I’m normally 4 days pw but am using a combo of holiday and unpaid leave to do 3 days. At least spreading that over 5 is just about manageable with the children. House is a tip and washing machine has broken.

Homeschooling is more about keeping the children busy. DH does a 4 hr shift with them whilst I do the rest of the day (it’s a fair split given our workloads).

Whilst the messages from work have been supportive from CEO down. It’s more along the lines or work when you can - but still feels there is an underlying message of get hours done. The unpaid leave / holiday to drop hours is ok for a few weeks but not longer term.

I really don’t know how government and employers expect this to carry on. It’s clearly not going to be just a few weeks.

[dameofdilemma]

I’ve given up reading the ‘supportive’ senior comms at work as they just don’t reflect reality.
I’m taking 2.5 days leave over the two weeks Easter holidays and that was considered ‘about right’.
There’s a lot of ‘as long as you keep an eye on emails’ which is translating as ‘stay logged in 6 days a week’.

[coles85]

Finding this thread has made me feel so much better. Last week was my first week back after maternity leave. DH is working full time from home, and now so am I, whilst looking after a 9 month old. We're both in senior roles with lots of conference calls, management responsibilities and international reach. Our employers have been really vague about their expectations, but I get the impression they're expecting the same amount of output as normal...tough at the best of times, let alone with baby brain! Last week we worked in shifts between 6am and 9pm and in all honesty I felt like I was failing at both work and parenting. I could cry thinking about months of this, I'll burn out!

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

Hope everyone managed to log off a bit over the weekend.

I spent last night planning how I’m going to manage all this weeks online meetings. Today has been a relay, with one DC permanently stationed ‘off camera’ doing activities with me. Just spent an hour on teams conference drawing pictures of animals whilst trying to make it look as though I’m taking copious notes!

I’ve got a report to write and can’t concentrate. Dcs are not going down until 10pm as they are hyper and can’t run off enough steam in the day. When am I going to actually get it done?!

[LiveLearnTogether]

We’re a family with three young children, one school age, who usually homeschool. My husbands is able to work at home full time. Pre-pandemic he worked two days a week and I’m very thankful that we’ve had that time to learn a few tricks! It wasn’t easy to accommodate working from home even two days a week when we started four years ago, with four of us in a two bed apartment. I remember it well! So well that I’ve spent some time figuring out what made it easier for us. I hope this helps. I’ve tried to keep everything on here lock down friendly and very simple. We’re not talking 26 homeschooling resource sites here - we’re talking family life and managing in circumstances no one was truly prepared for.

If you only have the time to read one go for this one; it’s two small things we do every day that are really easy to do in your home and it makes a positive difference to our day. livelearntogether.co.uk/how-to-live-work-and-learn-at-home-all-day/

There’s also how to work at home with a toddler and what to do with your kids at home all day when you have a meeting:

livelearntogether.co.uk/sharing-your-home-office-with-toddlers/

livelearntogether.co.uk/how-to-live-work-and-learn-at-home-all-day/

I really wish you all a healthy and speedy lock down. One day at a time - you’ve got this!

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Ok so this is a step forward but my employer will not agree to this at the moment. Maybe if more businesses start doing it they might come round. Or if this goes on for months.

www.facebook.com/1600676346836911/posts/2535194966718373/?d=n

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Let me know if the link doesn’t work and I’ll try again.

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

That’s very interesting WherestheLove
I wonder how they define ‘can’t’ work because of caring responsibilities? As in, what constitutes ‘can't’. So for example- Could an employer argue you ‘can’ work because they have enabled you to work from home?
Its worth looking into this further, thank you.

[Taswama]

I’ve passed this on to a colleague who has a team member with 3 kids under 5. I hope she qualifies. The issue is if the company (a large organisation) can redeploy people to fill gaps. If not, managers will be reluctant to allow it.

[bmachine]

my tribe. Two working parents here with a 2.5 year old tearing the flat apart. If they shut the parks i will lose my mind. none of my friends have kids and i have noone to vent to ...they furloughed 9 people at work (all not parents) being furloughed would be preferable to this madness.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

LiveLearnTogether it's nice of you to share your ideas, but is it right that your husband works and you don't, or work minimal / flexible hours? Because while your tips are lovely, the challenge for most of us on here is not the homeschooling or home entertaining itself, it's trying to both work while doing it (full time in our case) so tips from long term homeschoolers stress me out more than help, a lot of the time.

[SueEllenMishke]

We're the samestuck both of us have no issues entertaining or home schooling - the challenge is trying to do this while two adults are trying to work full time. It's exhausting 😔