Thread for those still working without childcare

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Me and DH still both working. Not entitled to childcare as our roles are not on the list. I wfh, DH cannot wfh. Just to be clear I’m very very grateful for both our jobs right now. So far I’ve been able to reduce my hours but it’s getting more difficult to do. I don’t have anyone to talk to as I’m just so incredibly busy trying to work and do childcare (kids are young so it’s full on) while most couples I know have someone furloughed who can absorb the childcare and many are complaining of being bored and sharing what Netflix series to binge on. I just can’t relate at the moment. Anyone else in a similar situation? Just wanted to talk to people in a similar position.

[LiveLearnTogether]

@Stuckforthefourthtime absolutely, we are very fortunate that this is the case and very conscious of that right now. These aren’t homeschooling tips. It’s more some of the coping mechanisms for family life we’ve adopted in our normal routines that have become invaluable to us in lockdown.

You don’t have to click the link at all - the one I highlighted if you don’t have time read a lot right is now is this; our Happy Lists. We each have one stuck on the wall with a few things we know bring a smile to our faces. On mine there’s light a candle, listen to a particular song, drink a decent coffee etc.

I know it probably feels like a splash in the water a giant deep lake at the moment. But I Remember when we CHOSE to work, learn and live at home. It’s so much to accommodate - my husband wasn’t a fan at first and we have had to adapt to make it work. No one in this thread is choosing this. This is a crisis situation for all of you. I’m just offering what I have, as simply as I can. I hope everyone has a healthy, safe lockdown. And if possible, a short one

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

I appreciate the sentiment Livelearn and that it was meant as. support. My dc has a happy book to write in when she’s up and then refer to when she is feeling down.

I’ve talked to friends about how I’m (not) coping very well but I don’t think they really got it. I just sound like I’m being a bit moany when I should be grateful I’m not working in nhs or front line.

[Fantail2018]

I'm finding it pretty challenging. I'm normally part-time in an essential worker (back office not clinical) position and DH is full-time in non-essential but also govt role. My calls/emails have exploded and I'm now pretty much full-time. DH's work hasn't stopped. Kids (7 & 9) are being left to screens most of the time.

We've managed to carve out a semi routine of DH and I up early and working. When kids get up breakfast and lego challenge. Then I take them for short walk. Then they go online and we do zoom calls and work. DH tries to take them for a cycle in afternoon (we aren't in UK so not yet limited to one exercise session).

Stupidly I signed up for part-time Masters that started in Feb and I no longer have any real free time let alone headspace to study... I think I could just about cope if I didn't feel I was failing at absolutely everything...
Parenting
Work
Study
Plus gradually getting fatter as I normally swim 3/4 times a week for 50min and pools closed before our lockdown.

[LiveLearnTogether]

A happy book sounds like a great idea @JollyYellaHumberElla we did new happy lists for everyone when lockdown began because some of the things they love just aren’t relevant at the moment. My youngest daughter would live at the park if she could.

Honestly, I’m overwhelmed myself with the resources out there to support school at home right now. There was enough pre-pandemic as it was! You can’t do it all. Good luck finding your family rhythm in the coming days. Children are so resilient, one day at a time is all you can do.

@fantail2018 you sound like you’ve carved out a routine. Lots on your plate at the moment. Are your extra hours being reimbursed, is it something work are adapting for with extra support from colleagues? There’s no clear work and home boundaries when you are at home all day as it is. It’s not like you leave the office, commute home and can leave it be until you’re sat at your desk the next day. It sounds like thats been made even harder for you with additional pandemic related workload.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

@LiveLearnTogether OP specifically stated that she was looking for others in the same place, trying to work with childcare, and poster after poster has said how happy they are to find people in the same boat.

As nicely as possible, you are NOT in the same boat, as a full time homeschooler trying to drive traffic to your blog - there are a ton of other threads full of people looking for childcare and home learning advice where your advice would be very welcome, but I don't really think this is the thread for you to come on and suggest happy lists.

[Schoolchoicesucks]

Yes. DH and I both wfh, thankfully both 4 days/week so only 3 days when we both ignore our DC whilst we take endless video conference calls.

DH has had to accept a paycut (though no reduced hours). I have had to furlough half of my team, whilst not being eligible for furlough. I would love for one of us to be furloughed so we could spend this time with the kids. They are both struggling with lack of routine, contact with friends.

I am doing my job badly and parenting badly. It's horrible.

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

I’m realising my biggest frustration is that I can think of absolutely loads of stuff I could be doing with my kids! I’m quite creative, imaginative and usually have loads of energy. We are lucky to have space at home, I have access to learning materials and I actually want to spend time with them.

Instead I see them bored and frustrated. Not able to do things they’d like to because I am unable to supervise them. I’m telling them to shush, or go to another room, or play quietly a bit longer (ie hours and hours).

My youngest doesn’t understand why, to her delight when she’s suddenly got me at home all day, I now want to work more than I want to see her. Why I’m pushing her away.

It’s utterly heartbreaking and shit and unfair on them. I hate it.

[LiveLearnTogether]

@Stuckforthefourthtime honestly I’m not bothered about traffic to the blog. It’s voluntary and it’s costing time and money to host and it’s specifically for lockdown. It didn’t exist before March. I’m not trying to capitalise on a situation here - I offered support because I felt it was valuable to the situation. Life is overwhelming for all of us at some point.

I’m not pretending to be in the same position, I’ve been upfront about my current circumstances and I hope you can appreciate that at least. I didn’t post all of the content when there was a link available so as not to overwhelm those who weren’t interested. I only hoped to help those who were.

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

OP I hear you. I work full time from 8am to 6pm most days and the only reason I'm on MN now is my meeting cancelled .

Its brutal both DP and I are very very grateful to still have jobs and as they have always been home based we are likely to keep them (err I hope). For that I am intensely grateful , however I have one ds with asd and one 4 year old and homeschooling and keeping things together as well as being online 8 hours a day is brutal.

Like someone else said I dont think I am doing anything particularly well , of course work as supportive as they are do seem bemused that I am still behind in my paperwork when I now dont go out on the few outside visits I used to , but of course attempting to keep control in the house and make my disturbingly poor effort at homeschooling (worse given that I teach adults for a living ) means I get to the end of the day and I still pray for the weekend.

I nearly cried when I saw so many comments about people relaxing over the weekend because they had done everything. Nope still the mad Saturday dash to clean the house and wash the clothes. Then of course DC who have been cooped up for week......relaxing my arse !!

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

I found the link on gov.uk where they say we can ask to be furloughed www.gov.uk/guidance/check-if-you-could-be-covered-by-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme

Thought it might be useful for some

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

I’ve managed to dial in to my calls today but not do any work inbetween. Kids have been on YouTube loads as it’s the only way they’ll let me do a call (tried one call without it today and was a disaster). DH just got home so only just about to start my actual written work now!

[Sexnotgender]

We’re both WFH with a toddler. It’s ridiculous trying to juggle everything but I’m incredibly grateful to be safe and still have a job at the moment.

[weekfour]

We are! Both working from home while trying to look after 3 kids! 2,5 and 8. I try and do a little bit with them in the morning and then I try to work while feeling guilty.

My DH started a new job yesterday, just to add to the pressure, and we both work in industries where cv has upped the workload, surrounded by people making bloody memories while furloughed!

At least three kids play with each other. They're bloody feral though. The 2 year old is a proper bruiser. Far too much rough and tumble going on. I'd imagine she'd intimidate a singleton her own age. 😬

I'm a little bit jealous of some people who are at home right now. But having stable well paid jobs makes us the fortunate ones in the long term.

[SlothTamer]

I've got a week off this week and I can't tell you what I weight off it is to be "just" parenting, even with DH out all day at work.

It's further highlighted to me the immense strain that WFH plus home learning is putting on me.

to you all in this situation. It's unbelievably hard.

[weekfour]

I'm off May half term. Cannot wait. Probably going to do my hoovering then because I can't see it getting done before.

[tempnamechange98765]

DH and I are both technically working our usual hours from home (DH full time, me three days a week) with a 4 and 1 year old, but as you can imagine that's impossible. DH's employer has been excellent and clear about doing what is possible/realistic. Mine less so, much more crap about "take advantage of flexi time and work early morning or in the evening whilst your children are asleep". And it's supposed to be an exemplar public sector employer, boasts about equality etc.

[Pluckedpencil]

Fuck it. I'm going to start feeling proud instead of guilty. Today I have made a cake with the kids, set up ds online lessons, crafted with dd age 4, set up Playmobil, made all lunches and dinners, done shopping, hung washing, and revised the translation of two sections of a technical file. At work I'd probably have done three and the kids were still on the iPad all morning but fuck it, I'm not at work I'm at home with two small children with DH with suspected cv trying my best.

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

I have found you all

Lone parent, gone from part time to full time WFH but processing applications and doing all HR admin for our NHS trusts nursing bank.

DD14 who has ASD sliding a bit, was OK last week when she had school work, GCSE choices done by emailing all teachers, DS11 who is still struggling about with losing his Dad last year, and needs reassurance and company the whole time so have ‘negotiated’ my working hours with him. It has lead to a long day but seems to be working. Going to work though was my breathing space from them, a chance to have som adult company, and I am not sure mentally I can keep this going until they go back to school whenever that may be.

[weekfour]

@fivegomadindorest I'd imagine it's very hard when there's no other responsible adult in the house. My job is very similar to yours with a lot of attention to detail and checking and I find it hard to concentrate.

[TriangleBingoBongo]

Yup! With a one year old and husband is a key worker and so out the house.

Nightmare! He joined in a conference call today and I heard his cry echo in the background.

Fortunately my boss is great and I’m making time up in the evenings and when DH is off work. Does mean I feel like there’s no pause atm. It’s either childcare or work.

[JollyYellaHumberElla]

weekfour I like your hoovering schedule. I reckon I’ll aim for once every 6 to 8 weeks.

Plucked you should absolutely feel proud. That’s a bloody good days work imho!

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

It’s nice to see it recognised. medium.com/@chloe.cooney/parents-are-not-ok-66ab2a3e42d9

[Kittywampus]

Just checking in m today was tough as dp was out at work today (NHS) while I was wfh with two small children. Needless to say that very little work and no homeschooling got done.

They've also closed my local park and I don't have a garden.

I do have though.

[bmachine]

So grateful for this thread. Just need to vent here today if you dont mind. Hellish day at work. My work load has pretty doubled along with managing a toddler and trying to give the inpression to clients that its business as usual. The pressure is awful and i feel trapped into pretending its finee so i dont lose my job. im so tired working after bedtime days on end. Less work life balance then when i was working until 10pm in the office..at least then i had the commute to myself and work left behind a locked door :(

[FatimaLovesBread]

Also need a vent, managed to return to work this week after being off sick for 4 weeks. DH had to take a days holiday Monday so that I can work. That's not sustainable long term. I managed to get wfh for the rest of this week. But next week I need to be in actual work, not wfh, Tuesday and Weds. How am I meant to do that with no childcare for my youngest?!
I might have to send the kids to live with my mum