Thread for those still working without childcare

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

Me and DH still both working. Not entitled to childcare as our roles are not on the list. I wfh, DH cannot wfh. Just to be clear I’m very very grateful for both our jobs right now. So far I’ve been able to reduce my hours but it’s getting more difficult to do. I don’t have anyone to talk to as I’m just so incredibly busy trying to work and do childcare (kids are young so it’s full on) while most couples I know have someone furloughed who can absorb the childcare and many are complaining of being bored and sharing what Netflix series to binge on. I just can’t relate at the moment. Anyone else in a similar situation? Just wanted to talk to people in a similar position.

[LivinLaVidaLoki]

@Lookingforwardtomyeastereggs
I'm actually getting really pissed off when I keep reading comments on here saying things like "the schools are closed, deal with it", or "you don't even want to spend time with your own children".
Oh my god, me too!!!

[Taswama]

@MyHipsDontLieUnfortunately - that’s probably true but I’d be worried about having a job to go back to. If I said I couldn’t do my job and was furloughed, they would réorganise the workload / adjust priorities and cope. When things return to normal they world be usedvanlig to that and make me redundant.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Yes! Both WFH (so we're lucky there), with 4 DCs aged 1-7, no childcare, no sanity left. I tried to use my annual leave to work 4 days a week but my boss said I'm needed online in case of emergencies 😭

Our bosses and teams are decent but don't have DCs and struggle to understand the challenges, and as both our industries are very affected by this the last thing we want is to both end up underperforming and in the firing line.

I appreciate we're really lucky right now to have 2 jobs and our health, but it's a relentless day to day slog of paid work / childcare / housework is 5.30am to 11pm, plus up in the night with the baby and I don't see when this will end. I am missing my kids so much and trying to be as present at possible when I'm with them, but am just exhausted and so sad.

[AnaphylacticAnnabelle]

Can we have a clap for the single working parents? Don't know how you do it but are you bloody amazing 

It's hard for everyone but your acknowledgment has made my evening @Bellecurves
😊

[MistyMinge2]

I'm so pleased to have found this thread. I'm obviously pleased to still have a job, but fuck me, trying to work from home and look after/home school a 5 and 7 year old is hard bloody work. I feel like I'm failing on both fronts. We've been understaffed at work for about 6 months and I'd been struggling with my work load before all this kicked off. Last week my bosses seemed sympathetic to those of us with kids at home, but that's now obviously gone out the window and the emails and calls are coming thick and fast. DH is self employed and is still working quite a lot. A few weeks is doable just about, but the thought of this going on for months is too depressing.

[MmeCamenbert]

Yep, I'm a childminder so am still working with my under 3's and attempting to home school my 3 (7,9,11) it's an absolute nightmare! I'm exhausted, frazzled and struggling, swinging into the weekend like a boss!!!!!

[FatimaLovesBread]

I need this thread! I've been off work for 4 weeks poorly but I'm aiming on going back Monday.
DH and I are both "keyworkers" but no where near front line. DH is full time, they've furloughed all depts except his and a s a manual job he cant Wfh.
I'm part time, normally 3 days. I'm based in a lab, could do office work from home but need to be doing lab work as first port of call.
We have a 3 and 7yo. I'm really stuck on how we're going to manage it.
Next week DH has taken a day holiday so I can at least go in Monday and then am resigning my hours and working Saturday. The week after and beyond, I've no idea what I'm going to do

[Rtmhwales]

DP and I both working from home full time, both in essential services but in a different country so schools haven't opened up to watch the DC (6, 3 and 1).

I'm finding it okay. We've managed a swinging schedule of who's supervising the kids and I'm super lucky that my bosses believe family is first so a lot of us often have a cranky toddler in our laps while trying to get through a video conference call. I think if your work isn't super supportive it's going to be a massive struggle. My boss starts every meeting with a reminder of the airplane oxygen mask analogy first - we need to be taking care of ourselves and our families mentally and physically first before trying to help at our jobs.

[audweb]

Yep me. Relieved to hear from others who are equally struggling. Not a key worker but possibility of deployment to being one but it will depend as single parent. So grateful to have my job, but it’s just me with a seven year old. On holidays this week but dreading the coming months. Fair enough my work is flexible but all that will mean is that I have to do bits through the day and then more at night time after she goes to bed. Jealous of those who have people to share the load with, and although those planning to read lots and watch Netflix. My work is super supportive but at the end of the day it all lands on me, and I still want to keep my job. Tired already of all the wonderful ways to home school and entertain. Tv will be used a lot!

[Pipersouth]

We are in the same situation both wfh with a 5 year only who has been amazing good. Dh has also been caring for his elderly Dm every day as well - so hard to not feel resentful to those Sahm who are so glad for the extra time with their kids. As others on the thread have said employees were understanding about everyone’s circumstances to begin with but .....full workloads have to be maintained! If I could do my job in less hours I would but I just can’t. Fully appreciate us both having jobs but this is not a sustainable for long term - thank god for annual leave over Easter.

[ballroompink]

So glad to have found my people. Seething sometimes seeing social media posts from friends alternating between trying out new recipes/yoga/reading loads and the people seemingly doing fun and creative crafts and imaginative play all day. DH and I are both doing full time jobs, looking after a 7yo and a 2yo who are both extremely physically active. Our 7yo needs a lot of sensory input and physical activity or he climbs the walls, getting louder and louder and if you leave the 2yo alone he will probably climb somewhere he's not supposed to climb or attack his brother. Schoolwork has been getting done but it's mostly online as that's stuff DS can complete while DH and I work. We are juggling the kids based on who has calls at what time. It's exhausting and I have cried numerous times. DCs are having a lot of screentime. Work are being good and saying 'Do what you can' but stuff still needs to get done. My role is actually digital and has ramped up since all this began!

[vanessalightfoot]

Yes yes yes to all of this. No time to feel bored or do impressive home school timetables. Bastard clock change even sabotaged getting anything done before the kids woke up. WFH and I shouldn’t even be moaning as only 4 days and yes I’m grateful I still have a job but fuck me it’s impossible to think or concentrate on any task so everything takes longer. Kids do not stop bickering and running around like total loons. I feel sorry for them and I know everything has changed and they don’t understand, but I’m knackered and running out of patience. My children are fantastic but absolutely not (despite my pleas) able to sit infront of a movie or even a 30min tv show without arguing or demanding snacks or other random requests. See also school work, they need constant attention and feedback, often at the same time about 2 totally different things (I know nothing about). I’ve spent hours in the evenings getting resources from various websites school has vaguely pointed us at. And to top it all off the COOKING: every bloody day and thinking about they will eat. Without even the guilty relief of a happy meal to fall back on once a week. Self indulgent moan over.

[museumum]

Two adults with full time jobs wfh and one six year old.
First week I tried to do both simultaneously. This week I did the morning quality time with ds then parked him on the iPad all afternoon while I tried to do a days work in half a day. It was better.
Dh is doing up to 12 hours a day in very tricky covid related contract negotiation work.
Both glad we had some leave booked and bank hols coming up.

[vanessalightfoot]

Meant to add I have now resorted to doing a couple of hours work every night to get the more difficult tasks done and the inbox managed and clear. It feels like this is not sustainable long term with zero down time and the house an absolute pit but what choice do we have?

[Missanneshirley]

Yes!
Me trying to teach from home which has just been crazy so far, DH shift work emergency services. DC 9 and 12 and i am so relieved they are not babies but i feel i am truly failing them here, no quality time at, I'm just constantly shooing them away. DH is usually very hands on between shifts but i can see his hours ramping up and he's so much busier at work..he's burnt out when he gets back. It's like a never ending treadmill.

[dameofdilemma]

I know this should be a time for people to come together, communities united etc but I can’t help feeling a divide between those trying to work whilst looking after children and those who have to do one or the other, but not both.
Have switched off from the class WhatsApp and stopped replying to certain friends as just feel we’re not going through a common experience.

On the other hand, a friend has done the same as she’s lost her income and potentially her career, so is finding it tough too.

Keep reminding myself that the people who really have it tough are those on the frontline and those who are facing real poverty.

It’s a marathon, don’t burn out early. Working 7 days a week isn’t sustainable in the long run, as I’m discovering.

[Thamesis]

I start wfh from Monday, single parent but 2dc secondary age so am hoping I can cope.

Just wanted to say well done to you all, you're doing amazing esp those with younger dc. Hats off to you all

[waspfig]

Yes I'm in the same boat. Just back from mat leave this week in fact so DH and I both working 5 days a week from home whilst caring for toddler and under 1. Bloody hard work.

DH has lots of calls/meetings during work hours but as I am a teacher (not working in school at the moment due to isolating) my work is more flexible so our best routine seems to be shifts. I start at 6am for a few hours. Dh takes the main part of the day then I finish off in the late afternoon. We've both worked evenings this week. Housework gets done around the kids if at all.

Toddler is really missing interaction and I feel so guilty. Our usual childminder has suggested that she may be able to open up again after Easter so at least we might get some childcare if I end up having to go into work. There's just no way DH can work with the two babies here.

Keep strong everyone. We are all doing the best we can in the circumstances.

[Blueroses99]

I keep getting sent activities and ideas for crafts, worksheets etc and I’m tearing my hair out as I simply don’t have time! There aren’t enough hours in the day. We try to make sure DD goes into the garden everyday for fresh air but there isn’t time for a daily walk even!

[SchnizelVonCrum]

I had fond ideas of us all sitting round the table doing our work! What was I thinking?! Age 10, 6 and pre-school.

If they're not demanding snacks, they're arguing, protesting against any work, demanding TV, interrupting when I finally start to concentrate.

Impossible and that's with DH being here helping when he can too.

However my SAHM friends are finding it equally difficult too. I think we are envious of each other: me of them not having to juggle and them of me having time to myself even if I do have to use it to work!

[newwnamme]

So much sympathy and solidarity to all.

Part of the problem for me is the space, or lack thereof. There is no office, spare room or space for a desk in my house. There is nowhere far enough away from the other inhabitants that its actually quiet enough to concentrate. The constant stream of interruption is incredibly hard to deal with cheerfully...

Like others have said the idea of this long term, it just doesn't bear thinking about.

[WhereIsTheLove1234]

I’m just trying to catch up with all the messages. All your comments sound so familiar!

It feels like we’ve regressed back to a time where childcare isn’t even a job in itself. I’m so disappointed that Boris Johnson didn’t even think to ask businesses to consider parents situations and offer flexibility where possible. If the schools/childcare settings stay closed until September it’ll put families where both parents are working under such terrible stress.

[SueEllenMishke]

Surely businesses can work that out for themselves? Everyone knows schools and nurseries are shut so it shouldn't take a genius to work out that their staff may also have childcare responsibilities while trying to WFH.

[Rainbowcolours1]

If you have school age children try and talk to your child's school. As the lockdown continues we know that impact on the emotional health and mental wellbeing of our children is significant. Supporting parents is, I believe, a key role for schools. I'm not suggesting that as a school we should take everyone but there is room for discussion about people's own situations. I know what my response is to parents who have talked to me, for most we have been able to help in some way...

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Surely businesses can work that out for themselves? Everyone knows schools and nurseries are shut so it shouldn't take a genius to work out that their staff may also have childcare responsibilities while trying to WFH.

To be fair to employers, most businesses are also in a terrible place with the economy as it is, and so even decent bosses can give extra flex for a few weeks but not for months and potentially until September. There will also come a fairness point for those without kids - should they have to carry extra work for many months? And what if redundancies are needed? Do those of us with kids and working fewer hours go first? Or if we are protected, that's hardly fair either? This is terrible for parents, and in particular going to be terrible for many mothers who are in one way or another primary carer. I'm the higher earner and will still consider quitting my job if this is until September, it's so unsustainable.