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Original poster

Ex not paying

22 replies

HandyGirl76 · 02/04/2020 22:01

My ex works in the hotel industry. He pays me £400 per month for our two children. He's just announced that he can't pay it for the foreseeable as he's been furloughed and not being paid anything until the end of April.

I'm a part time nurse and can't afford to live without his money. Please help, what can I do?

OP posts:
Joanna1232 · 02/04/2020 22:07

Nothing I'm sorry to say unless he decides to give you something. Do you go through CMS? If you do they have allowed a 3 month timeframe in which nrp don't have to pay if have been layed off/ self employed. They tell rp to not rely on the child maintenance money. Weird coz our children rely on ours.

Original poster
HandyGirl76 · 03/04/2020 07:28

To not rely on it? But what's the point if it isn't to feed my children. I'm a nurse, I can barely afford the rent. This is a nightmare.

OP posts:
Original poster
HandyGirl76 · 03/04/2020 07:34

I'm not even sure I believe him. He's been so tricky about money in the past. And no, we don't go through CMS...

OP posts:
Antipodeancousin · 03/04/2020 07:37

As an outsider the obvious solution to this is for you to pick up extra shifts and him to have the kids more?

Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 07:41

So his boss isn't paying him until the end of April? He hasn't been paid for march?

Seems suspicious. His employer surely needs to still pay him and the government will backdate it. I would tell him you need some financial contribution this month or your children will go without.

Or as Pp said , pick up extra shifts and he needs to have the kids if he's been furloughed

Kapsauss · 03/04/2020 08:04

Fuck, same exact shit in here.
My kids father is also saying that he doesnt have any work and he cant pay me.
I was like "But your furloughed?"
He said "Yeah, and?"
I said "SO this means you still get 80% of your wages!"
He was "Yeah, end of APRIL!"
So I asked "But you just got paid for MARCH? So why cant you pay?"
He got sooo shady and angry and 10 minutes later he paid over the money.
So I sent him a long text "Every penny missing from child maintenance will be treated as a debt and once the situation normalises, then you will need to pay it back! I am not subsidising your CM monies. It is your responsibility to pay for the children too, not just on me. The debt will be up to you how big it will be once we are back to normal. You are still getting paid. And I still have to maintain home and food and other necessities for children. If I cant pay my rent, then I will have to pay extra once situation goes back to normal. SAME principal goes to the CM paid by you. End of discussion."

He read it, but never replied.

WhatdoImean · 03/04/2020 08:06

As regards the April date... this MAY be due to the Government Furlough rules. As I understand it, the first payment will be the end of April.

Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 08:12

The government haven't set up yet for employers to get it. So employers should pay their employees and get it backdated. Back to march 1st if need be.

HugeAckmansWife · 03/04/2020 08:16

As others have said, he will have just been paid for March so this is bollocks. I think something like the email from Kapsauss is perfect with the added bit that as a nurse you are massively in demand and high risk so if he really cannot pay, the only other option is that he takes the kids much much more so you can work and pay the rent. As for not relying in cm, I hate that. Sadly its true, because the system is so toothless that they won't ever guarantee you'll get it, or pay you in leiu and go after the debt from NRPs which is what should happen.
So depressing to read posts like the OPs.. Another selfish arsehole, and at this time too. Good luck. OP x

Original poster
HandyGirl76 · 03/04/2020 08:54

I'm doing extra shifts, he says that means he should pay less maintenance anyway so I lose on both counts. Oh and I get paid jack shit so extra shifts makes no difference and there's only so many shifts I can work.

OP posts:
starrysimon · 03/04/2020 09:00

£400 a month😳 how much was he earning if you don’t mind me asking? IMO if he’s got no money to give then you’ll have to wait unfortunately. He should hopefully get it backdated though as others have said. You shouldn’t rely on CM to pay your rent as the NRP can stop paying at random if they’re an arse. Can you not get any benefits?

DonnaDarko · 03/04/2020 09:02

I'm doing extra shifts, he says that means he should pay less maintenance anyway so I lose on both counts. Oh and I get paid jack shit so extra shifts makes no difference and there's only so many shifts I can work

That's not how it works. Have you done the CMS calculator yet?

Also, employers are still mean to pay their staff then claim it back from the government so he should have gotten paid for March.

Original poster
HandyGirl76 · 03/04/2020 09:10

I stopped my benefits as I found it really hard to keep on top of the movement in my earnings depending on how many shifts I worked. I ended up having to pay some back. I decided it wasn't worth the hassle so now manage without. I'll have to look into it again. I actually don't know how much he earns but he manages a large high end hotel so it can't be peanuts.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 03/04/2020 09:24

Your earnings are not part of this at all

Go through CMS

Original poster
HandyGirl76 · 03/04/2020 10:23

Thanks quartz. If he's genuinely not earning anything (I'm really not convinced...) will CMS be able to do anything?

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 12:13

What do you mean you can’t live without it? My ex hasn’t paid in 3 years, we have 4 kids and I don’t work due to being a carer, I’ve had to live without it, this is why they say it’s not to be relied on as you are meant to be able to live without it as he could lose his job at any moment. Atleast it’s only for one month!

MrsWhites · 03/04/2020 12:47

There is always someone who’ll tell you not to rely on it, that’s like saying in a household with both parents present to only rely on one salary and save the other parents!

PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 12:55

Cms tell you themselves it’s not to be relied on. That’s why it doesn’t effect any other benefits. And if many of us can live without a penny then the op can “live without it” no need to be so dramatic. Yes he should pay but saying you can’t live without it is ott.

MrsWhites · 03/04/2020 13:43

I live without a penny too but that doesn’t mean that everyone else can afford to do that. It surely depends on a lot of different factors!

PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 13:58

When you don’t have a choice you will have to find a way. If the man doesn’t have the money he doesn’t have the money. I can’t afford to live without it and we barely scrape by but if there is no choice you will have to find a way. It’s only one month! Be thankful it’s not years

Hormonecrazyhell · 03/04/2020 14:02

Mine is due on the 5th, I’m not expecting it, my ex will use any excuse possible so if Cms have given an out he will of took it :(

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