Should I be writing letters to my children?

[Emcont]

I'm 26, BMI of 42. Realistically, should I be writing letters to my young children incase this kills me?

My BMI is 40 and I'm so scared I'm going to die. I have anxiety over dying anyways so I'm a bloody mess right now :(

I do too, I had an extremely bad bout of health anxiety back in 2017. Not had anything this bad since.

I know losing weight will obviously work in my favour.. but by the time I lose enough I'll probably be dead anyway!

Its not a case of whether or not you need to, which as im not a doctor i have no idea of, but whether you feel doing so would bring you comfort right now. If it will be reassuring, do it. If it will make you more scared and upset, please don't.

I think we should all do what we can to give ourselves peace of mind in case the worst happens. The virus is taking young people and healthy people - no one should feel complacent, and if you do fall ill you don't want to be worrying about things you've left undone, you'll want all your effort to be focused on recovery.

Main thing is still inside as much as possible to limit your risk of catching the virus

I think it's a lovely idea regadless of the concern about passing away. There are many things parent may want to say to a child at different points on life. Your child may never get the letter and one day you can read it back to yourself and remember how you felt during this difficult time

The silly side of me wonders if I'd be tempting fate! :(

I agree with SomeoneElseEntirelyNow

I've been planning on writing letters since we found out my partner was pregnant. I work in an industry with a statistically quite high death rate. I also go to places where the frequency of death on the roads is much higher than the UK.

I've also got a high BMI, so the thought of catching the virus also scares me immensely. I know people who lost a parent very young, and I know one guy who died at work through no fault of his own, leaving two young children without a Dad.

I still haven't put pen to paper yet, and my daughter is nearly 6 months old now. Doing so would make things "more real", like I'm expecting not to get to see her grow up and tell her all things I want to in person.

I really should get round to it, because I know if I find myself in hospital I will spend the hours regretting not doing it.

Why not find a bit of time to just start writing things and if it gets too much then leave it and come back. You may find it helpful.

Even outside a pandemic, any one of us could die unexpectedly. Travel restrictions at present will have reduced the risk of RTAs, but in normal times that's just one example of a sudden and unforeseeable cause of death.

So it makes sense to prepare whether you feel you are at high risk of dying or not.

Letters written now to your children will be a lovely keepsake at some time in the future, even if you live to 100.

I'm thinking of doing this now I'm fat and I'm convinced this is it for me now.

My BMI is 40. I hadn't even thought of this and now I'm absolutely shitting it!

I am a healthy BMI but I think I may sit down over the weekend and do this. I don't think I will die from covid-19 but I will die one day. I like the idea that if I were in an accident they would have a letter to tell them how much I love them and how amazing they are.

As long as it doesn't feed into your anxiety I think you should go for it.

Rather than letters, could you do some kind of a journal for them? Put the things down first that you really want to say. I'm not saying add to it on a daily basis but you might think of other things you want to add in a week or next month. When this is over, you can still add to it - special memories and other things you want to tell, them. Hopefully, your children won't need to see them for a very long time but it may give you some peace of mind knowing that they're ready when they're needed.

It was my Mum's funeral recently (not CV-related). She left a note to us (grown up) children with her funeral instructions. Extremely thoughtful, and typical, of her.

If it makes you feel better to do it 'just in case' then do it...but also take all the necessary precautions you can to make sure those children never get to read it.

It isn't a foregone conclusion that you'll ever catch the virus. If you catch it further down the line a vaccine may be available do just do your best not to catch it now. It's all any of us can do.

I'll have a word with him upstairs for you.

And, as it has scared you so much, try and do something about your weight. Don't think about losing stones. Aim to lose a few pounds and do a little exercise. Then, if you can lose that, aim for a few more pounds. Slowly slowly catchee monkey.

I’ve just read about three mums who died within days of having symptoms of the virus. I had already thought of doing this anyway.

You could perhaps make a list of all of the qualities that you cherish and admire about each of your children, also make a list of the happy experiences you have shared with them, plus a list of the activities/ experiences you look forward to sharing with them when times are more positive.
It doesn’t have to be a letter as in “ good bye” but a declaration of how much you love them and enjoy their company.
You can reread it whenever you feel down , and perhaps bring into conversation every now and again how/ why you value each of your children, without alarming them with your concerns about dying.

I’m sorry but when did being fat become a higher risk?

It isn't a foregone conclusion that you'll ever catch the virus. If you catch it further down the line a vaccine may be available do just do your best not to catch it now. It's all any of us can do.

I am showing the symptoms sadly. I haven't been out in 14 days, but my one son (who also went skiing in Feb half term with school) was riding a temperature, sick, dizzy headache 14 days ago. I thought we were out the woods.

So I'm cacking it after reading about mothers my own age dying.

@Samcarpy92 Apparently increases your risk of dying from it by around 70%

Sam I think it comes from those who get the flu jab - morbidly obese (BMI 40 plus)

I’ve not seen that anywhere? Unless it’s coming from the NHS or public health England just ignore it.

Anyway the majority of people who will get It are going to be fine so don’t worry yourself too much about. This shall pass as all things do and if we all do what we’re told we will get through it quicker.

Do you really want advice on letters or equivalent? It sounds more like you want reassurance that despite the BMI you’re not high risk and not likely to die.

I think it’s unlikely. From what I can tell from the reports, there are not hundreds of obese people in their 20’s dying every day. I think they’d be very much the exception. Older age seems far more high risk.

Another reason that BMI 40+ is listed as higher risk, is that so many obese people will have undiagnosed diabetes and other unknown diagnoses due to the obesity. Which is far more likely the older you are.

I am 45 and BMI 39. While this is not great, I’m not sure I’m at a hugely higher risk than those who smoke / drink / take drugs and so on. The research is simply not available yet to draw any conclusions on factors like these

@Emcont where does the 70% come from?