How to accept the fact I may die

[getmetomars]

I may. I may not. Evidentially I am going to get this because I work in a care home and already have people showing signs of covid. I have no underlying health conditions and I am in my 20s but still. 2 teenagers died from covid today with no underlying health problems. I have had a good life in my teens right until I reached 20. Now I am suffering from anxiety and depression and just need to accept things aren't going to get better. There are many things I wish I could change and do but I simply cannot. I need to accept that if this happens I need to just be less worried about leaving this earth

Please don't spiral . If you look at the evidence , the chances of you contacting it and passing away are slim . You are young and healthy . It's your mind that's trying to make you feel that way . I am in my 40s have a few underlying health issues and a 13 year old with brittle asthma . I could spiral , but I'm not . Think about the 92 year old that contracted it and lived ! Take care , of your mind as well as your physical health

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

But you are catastrophising hugely. Look at the stats. You are extremely unlikely to be seriously ill with or die from this disease. The deaths of young people with no underlying health conditions are not the norm, they are the outliers. My cousin and his wife who are both doctors have just had it and they both felt it was no worse than a bad cold.

We need to take this seriously but please, please try to keep it in perspective

Hi i couldnt read & not say anything, i know this is a worrying time & all we hear is the bad news about this virus. I wish we heard more about people who have gotten over this,many have.
Things will get better just hang in there. I do think most will be ok.
just stay calm as much as u can.
I would say contact your gp as i think u may need help with your enxiety & depression ,dont put up with it.
a dr can still do over the phone appointments.

I'm sorry you feel this way. My dads care home have been very careful to keep the virus out up to now but it's not easy.
I can only say you need to stay positive. Many young people do shake this virus off ; my own son is asthmatic and he was poorly but he did manage to get better ; took a while , but he was ok in the end.
Keep up the hand washing and self isolate when your not at work.
It's a tough time for everyone. So grateful to our front line staff and carers as they have a hard job as it is without this as well.
Many people have to work still and I appreciate it's not easy. I hope your employer is being supportive.
Please try not to worry although I do understand how you feel.
For many it's a mild illness ; many people do recover.

That's more of an existential question. How have you dealt with the fact that you may die so far? Just employ the same strategies. Your risk is teeny tiny. If you are happy to, for example, drive or be driven somewhere without worrying too much about dying in a car crash then it's about the same.
More likely that you will be asymptomatic and pass it on, so I'd focus more on that and keep washing your hands etc to protect the residents in the care home

I may. I may not.

Statistically, you absolutely won't. You're fit, well and in your 20s. Leading cause of very very rare deaths in young adults, accidents. The drive to your job is massively more likely to kill you than your job.

Your depression is much more dangerous than this piffling little bug. Please seek help.

When they say no underlying health problems it should really be no KNOWN underlying health problems.

If they perform a postmortem on these poor people, chances are they will discover an undiagnosed problem.

Try not to stress too much. You are low risk and following good hand hygiene and social distancing plus wearing ppe at work will lower your risk even more.

I think your question is a good one - one of the best ways to reduce worrying, is to accept that what you are worried about could happen. We are all going to die and we don’t know when. It could be today. Imagine what your life could be like if you really accepted this, and lived from the perspective that this day could be your last. There wouldn’t be so much to worry about then, would there? We would do and say what was important, and worry less about the small things. I understand the sympathetic ‘please don’t worry’ advice, but like you have asked, accepting that death by this or anything else, is actually a possibility, is a good aim to have.

I think there are 2 separate aspects to this for you:

1. your fear of dying in general.
2. the likelihood of you dying from covid during this pandemic.

On (2) I agree with PPs that you are in an anxiety induced spiral here and there are distraction techniques and anxiety management techniques you can use for that.

For (1) - it's a deeper, philosophical question. And one that humanity finds hard to be comfortable with in many cultures.

Can you try to separate them to manage each one?

I - personally - find (2) fascinating. I've become quite comfortable with the notion of death as I've got older and experienced more loss. It is possible for it not to be a debilitating fear.

Take care and thank you for your service during this really difficult time

That should be I find (1) fascinating and poster above me has covered my points!

Op, you have to look at this in context. Your risk of catching this and being seriously effected are very small. Over 80% will be either asymptomatic or only have mild symptoms.

The vast majority who die will be over 70 or have serious pre existing conditions.

Sadly, there will be a small number in any age group who die and every death is a tragedy but that sadly happens every day and from all illnesses.

Young people die every year from the flu but we don't give that a second thought usually.

You have to look at statistics and data, not individual cases.

Your risk of dying from this as a well 20 something year old is tiny.

Even as an 80 year old there's an ,85% chance you won't die

Dying is inevitable, as you know. It's really really unlikely that you will die from Covid though - if you get it, most likely it will be mild or even asymptomatic.

You say you've had a good life til now, and that should continue when this passes - and it will pass, and you most likely, will be fine.

I saw somewhere people writing things they would like to do when this is over, on a post-it note in a jar, and then when this is over, they'll try and do those things eg one a week.

Focus on the positive things you plan to do when this crisis is over, everything else is out of our hands at this point. Stay strong.

OP are you receiving treatment for your mental health issues? In the meantime there are many good apps - look on the NHS or mind websites.

I’m in my 50s, and am pretty sure I’ve had it for at least 10 days, but have not really been “ill” at all, just very mild symptoms. Statistically your age means you probably wouldn’t get seriously ill. Has it occurred to you that you could even have had it already and been asymptomatic?

But also, have you thought of speaking to your local vicar - maybe there’s a church group that comes and does services in the home where you work? Any person of faith should be happy to help you explore your beliefs about life and death at this time.

And thank you so much for the job you do. I have two close relatives in care homes and I am so grateful to the staff.

I don’t know what to say. As a carer, you didn’t take on the job thinking that one day you would be facing a serious risk to your health. Covid 19 is described as an invisible enemy in a battle, but you are not a soldier who knew the risks when you signed up. I guess you get a choice - keep your job and carry on or stop work and potentially suffer the poverty of that. As Mrs RussellBrand says - statistically speaking you have youth and good health on your side - I guess viral load and protective measures put in place to protect you must be considered in evaluating the level of that risk. I don’t know how you face the challenge of this every day. It breaks my heart that people are putting themselves in danger, through no real choice of their own. I hope your work are doing all that they can to keep you safe. As for everyone telling you to keep your chin up, I think that’s fine if they are speaking from a similar position, but if they are lucky enough to be able to be working from home or some other low risk environment, they should maybe have a bit more empathy.

We don't know until after the postmortem whether they had underlying health issues. You hear about teenagers dropping dead playing football as they had heart conditions nobody knew about so please don't panic about those cases. It is a scary time and it is ok to admit you feel scared but it is how you deal with those feelings that matters and putting in plenty of self care eg talk to someone you trust or a helpline about your feelings, make sure you have a hot bath or watch a movie or paint your nails or whatever makes you feel a little happiness x

We don't know until after the postmortem whether they had underlying health issues. You hear about teenagers dropping dead playing football as they had heart conditions nobody knew about so please don't panic about those cases.

I read your post and wanted to say the above, there have been at least one case like this

It's really hard to put into perspective, I know but you are so massively unlikely to die of this. Or even to be seriously ill. Life is endlessly full of risks we don't really think about on a daily basis, this is another one that's come along, for you personally it's a tiny risk. It's a bit like worrying that a cat might mount the curb while you're walking along. Happens sometimes, no point worrying about it though.

Car, even , not cat...

Statistically, you absolutely won't

Statistically you absolutely will - we all die. The only question is when?

There are lots of people walking around all the time with undiagnosed conditions. I was almost 30 when I found out I had a heart condition, had it since birth, never caused any issues until then. When I was having surgery to correct it, there was a lady of 46 in my ward who had found out she'd had a hole in her heart her whole life, but it had only just started to affect her (ironically, because she'd gone on a fitness jag, and started marathon training!)

I understand where you are coming from.

A local business man has died yesterday from it. A millionaire. 70s. Just been reading how he was alone in hospital and obviously his family could t be with him. It broke my heart to read it.

He lives so close to my home too. Which means it's definitely in our town now. I'm so scared for my dad who has damaged lungs from asbestos. But I keep having little freak outs about if I get it. What if I wake up struggling to breathe. What if I'm taken out of this house and never see my children again. They are so little. It terrifies me that this virus can kill people without any health issues. That means when we are allowed back into the world we are not classed as vunerable and could catch it and have a bad reaction.

I don't know how to help you. I feel massive sympathy to anyone working through this and scared. We who get to stay home are so lucky.

The biggest problem is the lack of testing. Your residents are presumably not out and about so they could well have "normal" viruses. But the lack of testing is bound to be making people question every cough, cold, fever, chill, sore throat, ache, headache. I hope they get better testing rolled out soon.

I'm sure you won't die. I think all the scary stories get published. They are not publishing the survivors. Or the ones who say I just had a mild fever and cough. They are saying only a very small proportion need hospital treatment. Yet we are hearing plenty of stories of people under 80 suffering.

I hope all this settles for us soon. It's causing alot of fear in all of us x

Yes the only thing certain in life is death - we are born and at some point we die.

Your chances of death though have not particularly been increased due to this though it just seems like it. Life has massively changed and that is something we need to deal with in the shorter term but in terms of dying the chances I suspect are not that much more than before

It must be really awful for you to think this way. You are not alone, many people suffer anxiety and will also be thinking the same way. It is perfectly normal to worry.

Following on from others before, if you can try and focus on the facts that it is very rare for people of your age without pre existing conditions to die from this.

Take care

I feel your pain. I work in a care home environment. I'm twenty years older than you and a smoker with MH issues.
I'm bricking it to the extent I feel I need to jump ship.
If I was in my twenties and healthy I'd feel less vulnerable.
You are not invincible but you do have youth on your side.

Good advice from the PP's. Another thing to consider is what you'll do when this is all over - because you're highly likely to survive this pandemic.

The one positive I'm taking from this situation is that it's made me value my life far more and realise that I mustn't waste it. Perhaps you can try to think about what you'll do when this is over - make some plans and set some goals? Grab life with both hands.