To think plenty of people are WFH with toddlers?

[Bienentrinkwasser]

I’m a keyworker, DH is not. We’ve been on annual leave the past couple of weeks so childcare hasn’t been an issue. When school/nursery closures were announced, I elected not to take up a space for DS as DH isn’t a keyworker and it looked like he would be furloughed anyway. He now hasn’t been furloughed and will be WFH from tomorrow. Great I thought, that’s DS all sorted.

DH is now saying that he can’t possibly look after DS and WFH. I appreciate that it’s not ideal but is that not what people all over the country are doing? Are employers not expecting a certain level of disruption from kids in conference calls etc? DH has this desperate need to please and is so scared of asking for any concession (he’s been at the company for 6 months ish and terrified of upsetting the status quo by asking about flexible working to do childcare drop offs for example) and it’s just driving me mad. Usually my parents have DS two days per week - they are young and fit but my mum (who is usually has one day off, and my dad does one day solo) is WFH as well, and he was only going to nursery one day anyway so that wouldn’t be much help!

Tell me IANBU to think that DH just needs to suck it up and DS will just have to get well acquainted with cbeebies?

He sucks it up.

That's what I and many many women (and some men) are doing. He either gets up early/works later, relies on movies in the afternoons, crams what he can during naps, works the days you are off.

He doesn't have a choice.

Yes it’s what everyone is doing and people are in the whole way more understanding re kids interrupting phone calls etc. It’s hard but he can do it!

I'm having to suck it up at the moment, but I am this close to losing my shit with DH.

We are both working from home, but because his job is ever so important hes getting to hide away in his shed, whilst I'm left trying to juggle a bored 8 year old, a 13 month old and work.

Look I think you are being a bit unreasonable. As we both know, it's damn hard to do a full days work (presumably what is being expected of your DH) while caring for a toddler. I know because I am also doing it.

Yes - lots of people are currently in this situation. It doesn't mean it's easy.

Why an earth did you not accept that nursery place?

Yes. It’s not fun but needs must!
Tell him to get on with it.

Yes, lots of people are in this situation and it’s shit. That doesn’t mean he can’t moan about it though. My DH is a key worker and I’m having to work at home with a 16month old. My work have made it clear they expect all working hours to be covered so I’m having to also work evenings and weekends to catch up. I never get a break, I’m riddled with anxiety and it’s all rubbish.

Luckily my DH is very understanding, helps as much as he possibly can, and certainly doesn’t tell me to “suck it up” YAB a bit U and harsh.

And I’d certainly accept a nursery place if it was offered! Unfortunately ours are only accepting the children of 2 key workers, or single parent KW.

This is about the third thread I’ve read where the DH is dodging child care because of their “ very very important “ jobs. Both myself and DH are key workers and although we could send our DD to school we haven’t because we’re both working from home a fair bit. Ordinarily I’m not supposed to work from home and do childcare but these are extra ordinary times and our bosses know that everyone’s doing their best. In your situation what does he think are the options? ( please don’t say he expects your parents to do it?)

We have been trying to work for three weeks with our toddler under our feet. It's not possible. Both key workers trying to work from home and we will have childcare tomorrow. We hate each other, we hate our house and we hate the situation.

But nursery would only have covered one day a week?

He can moan about it but he’s got no option. He won’t be the only one at his work in that position.

What does he expect you to do? Your role has been considered as vital at the moment, you can hardly not go in because he’s worried about seeming unprofessional.

We are, both WFH with 2kids. It is a nightmare though and we are having to take it in turns as it’s impossible to work with 3yo. He’ll need to speak to his employer about what is reasonable

He has no choice, he’ll just have to juggle. It’s tough but it’s what many people have to do. Nursery places are just for key workers with no other option.

What is his job that is so important? My DH is in conference calls all day and many of his colleagues have young children with them. Those without childcare responsibilities are generally very understanding.

That's what DH and I have been doing (me since 18th March) AKA the day after they announced and pregnant women are now classed at risk. and DH the end of that week. We have an almost 4yr old DD. It's been tough especially since my pregnancy symptoms have gone through the roof too so I'm just not on top form either! Had the news yesterday that I'm on the list to be furloughed - I work in the Charity sector that has been hard hit by lockdown and while there are still some bits I can do WFH I definitely can't achieve my whole remit. The Organisation is taking the approach to furlough all those who are considered high risk and/or in roles not directly key to they day to day operations that the organisation can still offer for the next 3 months. They are also going to make up the difference to the 80% government is offering so that we still get 100% salary at this stage (That may need to change as some point depending on how the situation progresses) Have to say they have been an excellent employer so far with it all.

If DH is expecting to work 9-5 without interruption, it's not possible,
If DH can work a bit before DS gets up and/or you go to work, and can drop in and out - say an hours work, 30 mins with DS then back to work, it's possible, depending in the toddler. Its HARD.
Am I reading it right that it's only 3 days a week? So DH gets 2 days totally uninterrupted? He just needs to try and do as much as he can those days.

Didn’t accept the nursery place as we were pretty sure DH would be furloughed and I felt DS was at lower risk with just us or at a push my parents (before stricter rules implemented).

He’s a really hands on parent and I totally get that DS is very demanding! I think he’s just a bit overwhelmed. He has since admitted that we’ll just have to get on with it. If it’s really not working, he might see if he can take furlough as we’ll be saving close to what he’d lose on nursery fees.

I think part of the problem is that DH’s boss seems to expect to do a teams meeting every hour 🙄

Can you get the nursery place back

Yes loads of people at my company
Meetings have babies in background, toddlers wandering in etc. It is what it is. Our company is quite flexible and the people are decent, many have young families and so it's fine.

DH is a key worker and I knew I'd be working from home full time but I wouldn't take a place from a key worker who needs it eg single parent.

Yanbu.

We are both keyworkers but both wfh and we’ve a 4 year old and 10 month old. We were offered a nursery place for ds but turned it down as we’re both wfh.... the guidance is clear that kids should stay at home if at all possible.

Why would I put ds and the rest of us, as well as nursery staff at additional risk for what is essentially convenience?

They have asked people to only take those places if they really need them.

Also it's only 1 day a week so wouldn't do much anyway.

Other people are talking to managers, juggling around different hours etc