Aibu about shopping for parents?

[ChicChicChicChiclana]

If both your parents are over 70, one has a serious underlying health condition (ongoing cancer treatment) and they live in a remote village and have never shopped online before and it's impossible to get a delivery slot

but you live a 1 hour drive away and are a fit adult with no dependent children at home on their own

then you should shop for them and drive up there and deliver?

I think this would fall under caring for a vulnerable person.

That’s what I would be doing , I have a few health issues and our adult ds is delivering us food parcels - he lives with my sister about 20 minutes away . I’d be quite happy to go out but my family are obsessed about me getting ill following a near death experience in 2017 .

Very sorry to hear about your near death experience Floral .

So ainbu to think healthy adult children could do this for their parents rather than the parents going out and getting the shopping for themselves?

Which poses the bigger risk when no alternatives are availabe?

I would do this, OP. In fact I have offered to do so for my parents who are in a similar situation. Better you do that than they have to go shopping themselves?

I'd expect the family members to shop for the older parents, and deliver. Maybe take it in turns if there are several.

Is this you or are you saying your brother in law should do this? (I'm referring to a previous thread).

I’m fine , extremely fit and healthy actually unfortunately the rest of my family are a bunch of neurotics !

We are. Not for a parent but Dh's best friend. Lives alone, has been hospitalised 3 times with pneumonia since September last year (and twice the year before). He's only 64 but doesn't drive so usually gets the bus to do his shopping.

I can't get a delivery slot for love nor money, so DH is going to go and do him a big shop (if he can!) and take it to him. He can't risk him getting the bus every few days, he can't carry much at one time. So there isn't much else we can do. Fingers crossed that Tesco is well stocked and DH can get enough of what he needs to last him a couple of weeks.

I live 10 mins from my parents
They are vulnerable and of ill health so I have been doing all of there shopping and general stuff .
I visit most day as well to make sure they are coping and they are coping with it amazingly well.
Most people seem to have lost any common sense with regards to Covid 19 .
If your parents are not really able to shop but they go shopping then they are obviously more likely to be at more risk
The queues are horrendous in the big store’s like Asda Tescos generally .
If you can do it for them then you cut the risk for them by a fair bit I would imagine .

I managed to get an online delivery slot for my parents this week, but after that there is no availability. So I will be driving an hour to their house with food shopping after that.

@LizzieMacQueen - I can't think, which other thread?

Yes we are ment to be helping with older family members with food etc

If I could drive I'd be doing it for my mum. Her partner is extremely vulnerable. She has 3 of the complications people seem to have (one of) when they die of it. She nearly always requires hospital treatment for flu, cheatbinfections etc with intensive ventilation. She will not survive if she gets it.

My mum is doing minimal trips out and obvs theyvare isolating and shielding etc

This falls under the least worst option decision making l think. In your shoes I would try to shop for them. It’s not great but the alternatives aren’t either

My partner's parents live an hour from us. They need help with Cleaning and shopping. We are planning on going alternate weekends. Fortunately they have a self contained flat that we can stay in so we go up do the necessary caring and shopping check things are ok (they are 92 and 95) stay overnight go for a walk at 7am and come home later. We don't have to be in the same place as them and my partner will do the cleaning whilst I do washing. They have someone who can do small amounts of shopping if we are not there. They eat a lot!!

Of course people should help their parents out if they need help and they are able to provide it.

Mil is having to stay in and we are taking her shopping and walking her dog, she's a lot closer than an hour away though.

There does come a limit when relatives are far away and in those circumstances you'd maybe do some help but also look for help from other relatives and the organised help available. There's no point spending hours travelling and possibly neglecting your own well being or responsibilities.

The main thing to ensure is that no-one is left without help they need, everyone does their share and you call on the volunteers etc if necessary and if something isn't working speak up, Eg if one sibling, partner etc is leaving all the work to someone else.

In a similar postion with my in laws. My husband drove down the motorway with a load of store cupboard things for them last week (waved from the end of the drive, didn't go in!).

Then for fresh produce we have found a local (to them) butchers and a greengrocers who will deliver meat/veg boxes every week, and a dairy that will do milk/bread/cheese/eggs. Try ringing round local independent food shops and see what delivery services they are providing.

@chicchicchicchiclana. I cannot find that earlier thread, might have been Monday, but what I remembered was OP was annoyed that she, living one hour away, was expected to food shop for her FIL whilst her BIL lived closer, had no dependents, was refusing to do it.

Me and sibs are shopping for our parents as they are both shielding.

OHs parents are 500 miles away so we have been ordering deliveries for them.

The vulnerable should not be shopping for themselves.

I’m in almost exactly this position and am delivering to them. To be honest it hadn’t crossed my mind that I shouldn’t. Are you suggesting this goes against the guidelines?

This doesn't go against the guidelines. It is being encouraged rather than high risk people going out.