Leave my job?

[HolaWeenie]

I started a new job at the end of last year after being a SAHM for 6yrs. I work 15hrs a week, term time only, it's a zero hours contract. Everything's great, they've even asked me to apply for a permanent role.

My DH has asked me to consider leaving. He suggests telling them that as I'm zero hours and our children are off school I'm unable to continue to work and that I'd like to come back once the kids have returned to school (if they'd have me). He's increasingly worried about our family and wants to protect us, he's wfh, our children our home, I'm the chink in our armour.

I'm on minimum wage, it's lovely to have but we would be able to cope without the additional income. I'm reluctant because it's just so perfect, I like the independence, my team are incredibly busy and so I'd feel awful about leaving them in the lurch. However, none of that compares to how we feel when we think about us or our children fighting for our lives on ventilators.

Any advice or viewpoints welcomed!

So your term time job is still going on even though most kids are off? Can your dh juggle his hours so that you can go and do your job? Is this a childcare worry or catching CV through work worry?

No - don't leave your job.

Does your DH want you at home to do the wifework?
Don't let him strongarm you into doing something you don't want to do.

I wouldn't leave a job I loved on the say so of my husband.

It sounds like he wants you to do childcare while he works. Fuck that. It's his turn. Keep the job.

Difficult.

Everyone in my household is currently either a child, WFH (adult children) or our self employment has ground to a halt (me and DH).

The one consolation I am taking from the situation of our income falling off a cliff is that we are able to properly lock down. So I do see your DH’s POV on that aspect and don’t agree with PPs that he should just be dismissed as a sexist pig.

OTOH you live your job and there’s already a SAHM gap on your CV.

Would an exploratory conversation with your line manager or HR be possible? Will they take that reasonably or do you feel it would mark your card?

It’s your choice. It’s also about weighing up the risks. Is anyone vulnerable in the family? Are you interacting with the public?

There is a tiny chance of a healthy younger person or child becoming seriously ill. I’m pretty sure I have it and it’s no fun but I’m ok and everyone else has it more mildly, the kids particularly so - one has watery eyes and the other is coughing a bit. It feels inevitable that most people will get it and the plan is just delaying it and trying to protect the ones at highest risk. Unfortunately some healthy young people will die too. Personally I’d take the risk, and did to an extent - I went out and knew it was possible I’d catch it in London three weeks ago. In some ways it may be lower risk now as everyone is keeping a distance and is more careful with hand washing and using tissues etc.

Thanks for the replies, it's definitely not so I can be home to do the wife work. His company have been great and have said they fully appreciate with the kids being off there will be overlap wfh and childcare so flex hours if needed etc. So when the schools closed we had a conversation and he was completely fine with me volunteering to keep working (as we are super busy and I wanted to help) and he would take care of the kids whilst I work, monday was a bit hairy but the other days it's worked great, so it's definitely not that which is driving this.

In truth he's freaked himself out by reading so much online and he wants to protect us.

We're not in the vulnerable group. Work are trying their best to help us social distance by making people move so there's a spare desk next to everyone, but as soon as you get up to walk around you're passing behind people and there's not 2mtrs and if you go to the toilet or kitchen, again it's difficult to leave 2mtrs.

Because of the casual work arrangement I feel like it should be as simple as he says, that I can step out and step back in when thinks have calmed, but as a pp has said, I would feel my card is marked. No ones indispensable, I'm only admin and just joined in December, they could find someone to replace me quite easily. It's unlikely we will wfh, we're finance and with our system we have to scan all the many hundreds of invoices that come in, we have a new system launching on Wednesday, year end 😬 with no training, only procedure notes.

Since the lockdown announcement he's been to the shop once to get fresh bits our local coop are enforcing social distancing, I've been running every other day in the very early morning. Even if I leave my job we would still have to go out to the shops, his viewpoint is that we have to shop to eat, but I don't have to work.

It doesn't help that he's spooked himself with all the stuff he's read and that his job is all about managing an minimising risk and problem solving!!

So what you are saying is that you want to leave your job. Take unpaid leave. At the time they are extremely busy (year end).

You are new to the role and expect to just walk back into it, when it's all over?

This is after volunteering to remain working?

Doesnt seem likely, imo.

I'd quit. But I feel mn will dress it up as a controlling husband issue. But I admit that I might be over cautious with this virus

Im with you @Shitsgettingcrazy I know that if I leave now, I won't be able to go back. He thinks that as it's term time only and kids are off they should just accept I can't work until they're back at school and no employer would discriminate in these unprecedented times. His company have bent over backwards to accommodate people so it's skewing his view!

He's overly cautious with this too. I also think he's struggling being cooped up. It's a worry of mine too, I get out for 15hrs a week, it helps my mental well being in these times.

I mean it's really up to you.

My work have been ok. But some people have really left them in the shit or cause a lot of shit. There wont be any coming back from it.

I know the directors. They will remember who did very little to help or made it harder and who went out of their way to support colleagues and the business.

Its shit. But its human nature. If someone leave you in the shit it colours your view.

If you really want the job to go back to, I would stay. But you have to make a decision that's best for your family.

Just dont expect to be able to pick up, where you left off if you do.

Not an easy decision.

What’s your journey to work OP? If there’s a tighter lockdown would they close the office?

I'd keep the job. It's not your fault he's freaked himself reading stuff online. If you're all fit and healthy then even if you got COVID19, you'd probably only develop mild symptoms. It doesn't affect children as badly.

No, it sounds very much like he has been trying to persuade you. Yes you are a bit more at risk, but if you take precautions when you are at home as well as at work, I would stay. As you know, term time jobs that you actually enjoy are as rare as hens teeth, it's not dramatic to say you might not find another for years.

However, none of that compares to how we feel when we think about us or our children fighting for our lives on ventilators.

Has he put this into your mind?

Out of interest, if he was unable to work from home and had to go into the office, would he be leaving the financial security of his job?

No definitely not. Everyone looks at their partner through rose tinted glasses which is why you can’t believe he’s doing it to keep you for wife work but he obviously thinks his job is superior to yours. Why would you want to give up you independence and possibly your only way out if things turn sour between you to.

Tell him to stop reading scaremongering articles when he should be working from home and continue with your job.

I have not seen anything mentioned which would make you or your children in the at risk group (excuse me if I’m wrong) so what exactly is he so anxious about.

As pp said would he give up his job if he wasn’t able to wfh at this time?

Probably not right.

I’m in the minority in MN with thinking being a SAHM with no income - not even a part time or zero hours job is a terrible idea. Always best to have at least a little financial independence.

The way I see it is that neither of you are vulnerable, your job, bring zero hours is not secure but your work is taking steps, albeit not very efficient, to keep social distancing.

Give your job another 10 days, I wouldn’t be surprised if you are provided with scanners to take home in that time.

Your job is not secure, being a zero hours contract, but there will be a lot of unemployed people at the end of this, so although I don’t expect that volunteering to work during this crisis is going to necessarily give you the opportunity to become permanent, you are a bit (just a little bit) less likely to be overlooked for more hours on the future. Having said that, as the economy slows there will be less work to do, which may be done by people your company already have as contracted employees.

Is the risk worth it? To be honest, I would take it as there are no vulnerable people at home, and having something to do, would be much better for your mental health in the long run. Now, if handling so many receipts and invoices puts you at a higher risk...

Throw a coin?

I'd keep the job OP. Speaking as someone who was a SAHM and then returned to the workplace, it's not easy to find a job you love that's in school hours and term time only (understatement). If you can't get this job back, you may end up really regretting it when this is all over.

FWIW I think you would be crazy to leave a job in this environment. Thousands of people are losing their jobs not through choice at the moment. It is highly unlikely, if you left at a point whilst the economy is in crisis, your company would thank you for it; you would not get the job back when things return to normal.

Presumably as it's term time only you are off this week or next for a couple of weeks over Easter which is likely (apparently) to be the peak anyway. I would get your DH to step away from the internet. The "plan" as far as I can understand it is for most of us to catch it anyway, just in a more controlled manner.

I dont think any employer worth their salt would give you a hard time about a period of unemployment during covid lock down.

There are no guarantees that you will actually be given the permanent role. It's all up in the air.

The only real benefit is your mental health.
But could other ways or changes give you that boost?