Tonight is going badly

[BlueMoon1103]

I’m having a really hard time with all this tonight, I’ve posted before and had some lovely replies but also some horrible ones

Tonight I really am not coping. I’m a single mum to a 1 year old and I’m so lonely. Virtual contact does not cut it and I always end up crying either during or after the calls as being able to see someone but not actually ‘see’ them is worse. They also upset my DS as he doesn’t understand where the person is which I think is why they bother me so much. I feel awful for all the things he’s missing out on, swimming, soft play, the park, friends. He doesn’t know but I do and I know how much he loves those things and now that’s been taken away. These are months will him I’ll never get back and we’re bother miserable. He hates being stuck in so gets VERY grumpy which makes me anxious and down. I have anxiety and depression anyway and they’re back in full force when I’d only just got them under control. We go out once a day for a walk normally to the beach or a local green area so he can crawl around on the pebbles or grass and have some freedom.

I can’t imagine living like this for months. I’m a keyworker too so still having to work which is setting my anxiety off in case I get ill or he does.

I’m not coping. I’ve tried reading, watching TV, craft. Nothing is helping, not even things I normally like.

I can’t ‘take each day at a time’ as that makes my anxiety worse because I know there are more days after that I haven’t thought of yet, I need plans in place to manage my mental health so please don’t suggest that as it will make it worse for me. All my coping strategies that I’ve worked hard to maintain have been taken away and I’m left with no way of making myself feel better.

I don’t know what I want from this, I just need someone to say something, anything, that might make this a bit better. Please don’t be nasty, I can’t handle it, if you’re only here to tell me to ‘count my blessings’, ‘reframe my perspective’ or ‘suck it up’ then don’t comment at all!

Have a hug sweetheart. I'm sorry I can't offer any other help except to say just keep going. It's hell, isn't it?

I read something about babies and peer interaction and it said before 2 it’s not needed developmentally and all he needs is you. He is tiny and will have a long life of exciting places to go. He will be fine but it sounds like you are not. It’s really shit time for lots of people and it’s OK not be OK.

Definitely agree it's ok to not be ok. I've found splitting my day up into 4 hour blocks has really helped me. Each block has a meal, an activity, some alone play (while I do some chores) and a nap/bed. That's it, I just do a block and it's done and I look on internet for inspiration of fun activities. Hope that's not patronising or doesn't stress you out more, just thought I'd put what helps me. It must be so hard for you on your own and I totally get the crying after social that's not really social I did it myself last night. Sending love and

It’s properly shit isn’t it. I really relate to how you’re feeling. I have bipolar and BPD and this has stripped away all my usual coping mechanisms. I also have a six year old and my heart breaks when I think of everything he has lost. He said to me “why can’t we go to the park or see my friends, have I been naughty?”

I’m coping by religiously sticking to my meds, trying to have a daily routine, getting out once a day. Yoga after ds is in bed. I’m doing video calls but I’m a bit like you, actually finding texting a good medium as I don’t get so upset. There are good CBT books and resources online, which help while my usual support group isn’t running. I’m also allowing myself time to be upset, because that’s pretty normal. Then I’m doing a lot of cuddling the dog and watching Disney. It works for me. Good luck, you’ll find your way

There are counselling services available for keyworkers. Please contact them. I got the email asking staff about being willing to redeploy today. I'm bricking it, I'm off sick but I know I have to do it when I go back. I can't not do it, I can't not support my colleagues. You're doing your best and stronger than you may think. Take whatever support you can get.