Our mortality thrown into sharp and painful relief

[Helpmechangemymindsetplease]

I feel as if my mortality is now glaringly obvious - I don’t mean due to being scared of dying of the virus, though I know it could happen and it does worry me.

I mean more that my general everyday mortality has now become very obvious - almost like what on earth was I thinking before, why was I burying my head in the sand to that extent? Did I think I was going to live forever?

So it now feels as if I really don’t have much life left (I am 51) and limited time in which to do all the things I have been putting off (in some cases for years ). It feels as if the end is now obvious, though I don’t know when or how it will happen.

I don’t mean to be depressing and I apologise if I am. Maybe it’s not a bad thing to be more aware of time passing, as it will mean less procrastinating and more living life to the full (for me and maybe for others?).

If my post turns out to be depressing for people, I will ask for it to be deleted.

It is fine to feel that way. When I was 35 I had a life threatening event and it was a wake up call. I stopped the rat race and spent some time thinking about my core values. What do I want to look back on in my life aged 90. It is a good exercise to do. Mostly relationships and contributing to community and pursuing things I love. I worry far less about what I cannot control. Coping better in current crisis as a result while friends are worrying how the world will change. You will go mad overthinking. Contribute what you can individually and enjoy life, be grateful for what we have.

Go for it.

Thank you @littlebitwooway - can I ask what you did when you left the rat race - job or career wise I mean?

Yes job and career. I had the idea that I would become quite senior in my role and it had to happen in a time frame. Also not quite feeling unsuccessful until I did. Overnight I gave up that ambition and decided mid level/average was okay. Also decided long commuting was not worth the sacrifice.

What this means in practise- stayed in mid level job for longer=less stress. Asked for more for flexibility at work (home working, hours) and got it.

Now a few years on I have out of boredom ended up taking a sideways step in my career with a few additional responsibilities for interest. People turn to me a lot as I have quite solid skills. Still got good working conditions. Quite satisfied.

I began thinking that way a couple of years ago when diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I know I won't live the extra 20-25 years that I should have lived without it. There have been times I've thought I won't even live another 5 years. It does make you reassess everything.

Live your life to the fullest that you can. Don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy your loved ones. Give back to society what you can, even if it's just in a small way. In a way, the threat of coronavirus has given you a gift, make the changes that you must! xx

I kind of feel like this. My passion in life was always horses. I completely lost my nerve around 10 years ago. Now that CV has reared its ugly head I feel sad that I have avoided something I love doing 'just in case'. I have decided I'm going to ride again even if that just means in the (relative) safety of a school.

Oh yes I know exactly what you mean. All this planning ahead for trivial things.
I'm nhs frontline staff . I'm no spring chicken 60 next year but coming into contact with this awful virus daily.
I don't want to I want to stay indoors like so many others and wait for it to end.
I'm not sleeping worrying about am I bringing it home
Wondering what the future is if any for me?
Sorry don't want to freak my family out and we have to act quite tough at work so I've stolen your thread and made it about me!!
If I survive this I'll definitely try and make some changes.

iamsailingstormywaters I think you are perfectly entitled to be worried about yourself, you are frontline in the fight against this awful virus.

Yes I think you are perfectly entitled to be worried about yourself as well @iamsailingstormywaters - lots of love to you 💖.

Live your life to the fullest that you can. Don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy your loved ones. Give back to society what you can yes @CrunchyCarrot 💖.