Anxious about no birthing partner

[mamaAJ]

I'm very anxious and cannot relax with the possibility of having to labour alone. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and I don't mind the no visitors rule after birth, apart from my partner. However, making women go through labour alone? How can they do that to us? This is my first pregnancy and I'm anxious about childbirth enough as it is! I am honestly so scared.

Can they do this to us?

Take it easy. Most women in the world labour without their husbands/partners. So you can do it alone as well.

I'm sorry. I had a baby on Thursday and they literally changed the rules while I was there.

My partner wasn't able to be present at the birth and it was disappointing, especially as we only found out on the day, but if you try and accept it beforehand it might help. You will be so caught up in the birth whether vaginal or c section and you will be so well looked after that is may not feel as upsetting as you think.

It helped me to think about all the mums, babies and NHS workers that won't become infected from the new policy. And you and your baby will be safer because of it. Good luck

I'm nervous about this too, though Im not giving birth for 9 weeks.

Personally, I'm am starting to read books about mindful birthing and hypobirthing which might give me some coping techniques. Also, I wont be alone there will be medical professionals there, who know a hell of a lot more than my DH ever will about giving birth :)

Its comforting to hear from new moms like @SapphosRock who have done this and its been fine.

As a pp said, It is only comparatively recently that fathers have been present at births. I have 2 children and decided that in the event of having a 3rd child I would ask him to stay at home with the other 2 and get on with it with just the midwife. I found hid distracting and ultimately not actually of amy use. The midwives do have to accommodate the fathers which must make their job more complicated too.

I hope your delivery goes smoothly for you.

OP if it helps, I bet that the midwives will likely be extra sympathetic to women at the moment who would have been pregnant expecting them father/partner to be there during labour and find themselves alone. Not like back in the days where it was expected. There are always some bad apples, but generally midwives are nice people and they're there to look after you.

I'm really sorry that this is the situation for you and so many other mothers too. It's heartbreaking, understandable, but heartbreaking for the women it impacts.

Easier said than done, try not to worry. I was alone (bar medical personnel) for two of my births, as I was overseas. They were my first two births and like you I was worried about the prospect.
Actually I was fine. It was lovely showing our baby to DH afterwards. The look of wonder on his face 😍

I’m really worried about this too. Due in 7 weeks. It’s scary

Also worried about this, due in 7 weeks.

Bollocks to all the people saying ‘women have done this alone for years’. Me and my OH are a team, we’ve wanted this baby for so long, I’m heartbroken that he probably won’t be able to watch his one and only child come into the world.

You'll be fine xx

I actually preferred my birth alone. I got really annoyed when DH said he would nap on the floor with DS and it was actually very nice having just me and MW as it was a more 1 on 1 relationship.

Just to reassure you, saw this yesterday and made me feel a bit better. I’m 37 weeks as well

We have just had an nct class (via zoom) and talked about this. The teacher pointed us to the guidance above that birth partners should be allowed unless showing signs of cv, but are unlikely to be permitted on ante or postnatal wards.

Thanks @Catscrat and @Robs20, that is really comforting to hear :)

I had my 2nd without DH who stayed at home with DC1. I much preferred it! I could focus on the task at hand without worrying about him. V

Some hospitals are allowing a birth partner. Mine still is.

@sneeuw is the right. The doctors and midwives were extra kind to me as I didn't have my partner with me.

Another positive was the post natal ward was lovely and quiet with no partners, kids or other visitors. I felt like I had some really precious time to bond with my son and establish breastfeeding.

I know it seems daunting - I would have felt very upset if I'd known beforehand partner would be sent away but honestly it was fine. Most hospitals will try and get you home asap (I had a complicated c section and needed a blood transfusion but was still out the next day) so it won't be long before you will all be together.

@SapphosRock which nhs trust did you have your baby at??

Honestly I hardly even noticed that DS's dad was there when I gave birth. You will have a lot more to focus on!

Probably helped that I took all the drugs that they offered.

Good luck OP, it's a scary time but you will be fine.

I can totally understand how scary this must feel, I would have felt exactly the same. If however you do have to give birth without your partner, you will be ok, you really will. Your body just takes over and you zone out everything around you.

The time when you really need your partners support is afterwards, when you get home and haven’t got a clue what you’re doing and you’re so tired you can’t see straight!

Some hospitals are allowing a birthing partner. My hospital says only one named person is allowed and you need to name them asap. As that named person needs to be the same person who attends scans and antenatal appointments with you. No swapping allowed. Dh can attend this week scan but not the following one, unless he gets someone to swap shifts with him. The original plan when we where given the scan appointments, I had planned on taking dm with me to the scan. I’m petrified of attending scans on my own. Last time I did it, I was told baby had died. I then had to tell people which was like rubbing salt into the wound. So I have been taking people with me to scan, just in case off bad news then they could make the announcement.

I know they can change their minds but I sincerely hope they don’t prevent dh attending my scans. If they say no, I’m likely to not attend it. I will cancel them and ask if they would accept a private scan as I would do my best to try a book one. Birth is different and I can’t afford a private birth and as diabetic woman, my baby is likely to need care afterwards so I will hopefully give birth on a Monday, Wednesday or Thursday as I know and trust the obstetrician who works at labour ward then. I can’t choose which day to give birth but I can wish and pray for it and prepare myself mentally for it. For me scan are more worrying than birth.

@CharlieB93 I gave birth at the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton so the trust will be South. Midwives told me that Eastbourne had started banning birth partners from the middle of last week.

@SapphosRock that’s so strange! I’ve googled everywhere and I can’t find on any U.K. nhs trust website where you aren’t allowed a birth partner at all!

I'm due in 5 weeks and the thought of not having DH there with me is absolutely terrifying. We're in lockdown now (with DH only popping out to get essential food) and are planning to get enough food in so we don't have to leave the house at all in the two weeks prior to my due date. So assuming he doesn't develop any symptoms during those two weeks, how is it any risk at all to have him there with me?

I will probably rethink my birthing plan and go for an epidural if I can't have DH with me, as I won't be able to deal with the pain with no moral support from DH.

What Circletime said is true.

My second baby was so fast I didn't even have a midwife present, which I wouldn't recommend, but apart from the pain all was well. When you don't have an option you just will cope, some survival instinct just kicks in and you get on with it. You really do have more reserves of emotional grit than you realise when you are in labour.

And I would never say this to him, but my husband wasn't much use during my first child's labour. He tried to be, but my mum was actually more useful and knew what I needed and when.

@CharlieB93 I gave birth at the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton so the trust will be South. Midwives told me that Eastbourne had started banning birth partners from the middle of last week.

It sounds like Eastbourne need to update their website in that case, as they're still saying one birth partner in the labour ward at the moment:

www.esht.nhs.uk/service/infection-prevention-and-control/visiting-restrictions/