Had my first 'lockdown wobble' today. Hit me like a brick and had a panic attack

[LeaveTheBottle]

Hi,

Just wanted to get this out really. I'm sure many of you can unfortunately relate.

I thought I was doing pretty well overall. DD seems to be doing well with homeschool, I'm already a SAHM, DP can easily WFH and job isn't at risk as it stands, so no money worries. We have a garden to escape to, so I've counted us very lucky and have often found myself overwhelmed with sadness when I think about the sheer volume of households this will effect.

As I say though, overall I have managed to get my head together, remind myself it's not forever etc and that we're so very fortunate by comparison.

This afternoon though, I could feel this dark cloud come over me and my heart started pounding, my breath became tight and could feel myself getting dizzy and felt terrified. I got this sudden overwhelming need to escape, like I was trapped.

I do struggle a lot with anxiety and my MH generally, so was quite surprised how I was coping. I'm scared that that's it now and I'm just going to be a mess from now on.

I had to escape to our bedroom for a couple of hours to get myself together, whilst DD and DP were downstairs watching a film. Didn't help that outside I hear a little girl crying out "I love you grandma and grandad! I want to cuddle you". It was our neighbours standing outside with their son and grandchild, shouting at each other from from across the road. The grandma was so upset, as was the little call. Both crying and eventually the dad had to pick up the girl and walk away. My heart absolutely broke. The gran just stood outside silently sobbing after they left

Anyway, need to get my head back where it was. I can't afford to fall apart.

Anyone have any good distraction techniques?

TIA

It is a really up and down process OP. Try and remember that feeling bad today doesn't necessarily mean you will feel bad tomorrow.

We have been on lockdown for over 2 weeks now and there are definitely good days and bad days.

I have a virtual walk with my friend every day. We walk around our own areas and talk on the phone. We are really good at lifting each other up when one of us is struggling x

You are not alone. We are all struggling. Just try and use mindfulness or breathing apps or 4 2 7 breathing or whatever you use and try and use the garden as much as you can. We will get through this difficult time and come out the other side stronger.

We’re all bound to feel this way at various points, we’ve been flung into a whole new scary world and it’s really ok to feel sad and scared sometimes.

I just watched a comedy thing that really took me out of myself for a couple of hours, I’m trying to avoid the news too today so I’m listening to Heart radio today.

You’ve done really great so far, we’ll done.
If you haven’t had your walk today it might clear your head, or a bath, a play on the radio, a board game with the family. I need to keep busy, it helps a bit.

OP you are not alone. I was one of the first of my friends to have a wobble, spent a night sobbing on and off. My friends have each slowly had a wobble at various points this week.
The only things that are helping me is my daily walk- today I drove DD 2 to an empty Heath and ran round. And also less news- I’m watching comedies etc to keep my mind distracted- defo no news last thing at night, messes with my sleep!
Also don’t count the days ahead of us all, just take each day as it comes.
And talk to people, face time- keep up the virtual contact!

Ah OP, let yourself have a wobble. We're a bit like pressure cookers. You have to let the steams out or it just gets too much.

Just take some time and be kind to yourself.

OP i had a big wobble last Saturday afternoon. I have been isolating since a week gone Tuesday and working from home due to underlying health conditions.

However, i have been ok since then. I was still getting out for a daily walk up until last Saturday but i haven’t been over the door other than to put washing out and go to put things into the recycling since last Saturday. I think since i made the decision not to go out for a walk each day i have felt better and safer. Normally i love getting out pootling about away from home so this is totally alien for me.
You will get there OP 💐

I'm similar to you OP, (one exception is that DH is self employed so at home but not able to work), lucky in my circs. and i'm one of the worlds annoyingly cheerful optimists.

I had a crashing low all of a sudden after being in Tesco last thursday. Hadnt been out for 10 days. The last shopping i did was when it was a noisy bun fight with no food on the shelves.

Tesco had plenty of food (no milk, pasta) but I found the whole social distancing/one in one out/no talking/no eye contact/shop fast and get out atmosphere really upsetting and depressing and was almost tearful once back in the car. Madness. And unexpected. I'm embarrassed to say this but i coped better with the panic period before lock down :(

The supermarket got to me too @Laiste I hadn't been for almost three weeks and aside from the queue to get in there was no attempt by people to keep their distance.
I'm going to stick to smaller, quieter shops for a while.

I had my first wobble about 3am this morning!
I also struggle with depression and anxiety in general but I think everything going on around kept me focused. I’ve now not left the house since Monday, WFH but may not have a job to return to. Dp has lost their job, 2 dc to home school, one with SEN. Had a few too many glasses last night which I think must have tipped me over, woke with literally wave after wave of panic attacks lasting hours. I really need to pull it together.

Catastrophising (sp?) is how i'd describe what i feel. Like when you wake up in the night, can't sleep and just keep thinking about worse case scenarios.

At the moment i'm fixated on DD4 (6) and her education. I'm trying to do maths and literacy everyday but the idea of doing this until Sept just fills me with horror. For her sake!

It’s ok to panic! This is an unprecedented crazy time, nobody can be expected to just crack on happily.

This does not mean it’ll be how you are from now on. You’ll adjust again and get on with it. Maybe you’ll have other days like this, maybe you won’t, either way it’s honestly ok.

Remember feelings are feelings, they don’t define YOU, they can come and go like bad weather. Let them happen 💐

I think having wobbles is normal. I've had several this week and am expecting a difficult night tonight as I'm due back at work tomorrow and I really don't want to go.

I've changed a few things around and am noticing that they are helping me. I'm not watching the evening news any more, I'm going for a walk every day/evening and I'm trying to focus on eating properly and not just picking at food because I'm scared of it running out. I feel very very lost and low at the minute but I keep reminding myself that it will get better and it will end.

I've just started to listen to this, am hoping it's helpful about this phase that we're entering and coming to terms with the change (I love Brene Brown, but must admit that I prefer reading her writing than listening to her speak).

brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-comparative-suffering-the-50-50-myth-and-settling-the-ball/?fbclid=IwAR0pofgoRpSrmuqJciqOHRQnW-mZ8yb2060ek-4_9kgdJ3qbSYJ5Nc2gjgU

What kind of distractions do you like?

I think it's normal to have distressing emotions about what's happening and normal that they will demand to be heard and felt sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're on a downward trajectory or you'll feel that way forever.

Maybe you shut down a bit and went into survival mode initially, and this panic attack today was your body finally reacting all at once to everything that's been going on and releasing all those emotions. It's not an enjoyable experience but it was probably necessary to stop you turning into a human pressure cooker.

Are you growing anything in your garden at the moment?

@LeaveTheBottle this was me last week. So much anxiety, feeling sick and crying constantly. Big panic attack last Tuesday. It had eased off, thankfully, though still quite up and down. I suffer from anxiety and some depression too so I understand your fear of this being ‘it’ now. I don’t think it will be, I think it’s a case of feelings going up and down, often loads in one day.

I miss my work, my colleagues, my exercise, my freedom. I’m a better mum to DS when I have those things. The two things that are helping me - reminding myself that this is temporary and, oddly as I’ve never been into it, gardening. Getting all sweaty digging up flowerbeds and pulling up roots.

I hope you start to feel better - go easy on yourself and accept that at times you feel shit not because you’re weak or defective but because this IS shit.

And another thing - if distractions aren’t helping, try sitting with the bad feeling, not focusing on the thoughts but just the feeling and how it feels in your body, sitting with it until it ebbs away.

I'm with you OP I actually dreamt that I was getting a ventilator on me but it was just before I woke up so I could remember it in great detail and the nurse who was putting it on me.

Today I went to Asda and when I came home I couldn't stop crying. It was as if - OMG have we lost our way of life from now on and it scared me and saddened me.

I am a key worker so still going into work every day which is making it more normal for me - in fact going into work is the only thing that's keeping me sane. I hope you pick up tomorrow.

Beginning of the week was awful for me. So I sat down and wrote a list of 50 things I'm grateful for and my sons helped. It reset my mentality (I am a childminder so have been in limbo regarding work and finances) and the week has been better

I’ve been having a constant wobble since the lockdown was enforced. I’m just not coping with it. Meditation makes me agitated, podcasts aren’t for me. I don’t do yoga. I feel so bad for my DS, he’s missing out on so much and though he won’t remember it I’m scared this is it now, this is life. I can’t see my family, my friends. My friends are the people who keep me ‘up’. My depression is back and my anxiety is bad. Virtual contact doesn’t replace face to face no matter what anyone says so doesn’t help.

I feel a bit the same, comes over in crashing waves. I'm trying my hardest to accept it and try not to project too far ahead. My only sort of comfort is that we're all in it together. It is interesting how different people react at different times though, I was a bit ahead cancelling social stuff and couple of friends were a bit unsupportive, they're the ones feeling scared now too though. Hard for everyone xx

It's a hard thing to accept OP. It'll get easier as time goes on. The first week I woke each morning with heart pounding and had a real wobble mid online chat with work friend. It's a natural process as you come to terms with what's unfolding (and you've got no control over it). Have a good cry and let it out. Hope you're OK

I think most of us are reeling and scrambling with this situation, it can feel overwhelming very quickly, your brain will catch up.

I thought I was doing ok, better than my colleagues but now I've just seen on FB that a friend is on oxygen in hospital with coronavirus. And he's not old or frail, he's a larger than life character and it's really brought it home.

I totally get it as I had my first lockdown wobble today. Different scenario though, me and DS moved out of our home with daddy (hes considered high risk) and moved in with my parents as they have a lavish house and garden for DS to run around in. Doing a door step drop for DH.

Been spending this week getting him into a new routine, today was the first time DS was ok. I wasn't. Cried on and off all day, wanted to go home to DH more than anything! And just to be at home! Reminding myself it isn't forever though, and despite not knowing when I'll see DH next, there is always facetime, which we are doing with DH at bedtime so he can read DS a story and first thing in the morning.

It is undescribly hard. But each day we wake up is one day closer to being a family again xxx

Thanks for all the replies.

Even though I knew I was far from alone, it's still nice to hear from others who get where I'm coming from.

I think my DP is loving this way of life actually and whereas they obviously get why I'm upset, they don't relate to that trapped feeling. Which I suppose is good in one sense, as we're not feeding off each others anxieties, but on the other hand I have no one to relate to in the flesh, so to speak.