Thought I was coping well

[LMW1990]

DP is working from home. DSC are with us at the moment (yes we are still maintaining contact as we are 50/50 and their mum is a key worker) albeit rejigged days to allow everyone to work.

I'm an NHS worker. I have Fridays off though this might change as I may be required to work evenings on the COVID reception.

Yesterday DSC were with us so I did all their school work with them whilst DP worked. They were marvellous (they are generally good kids) we got through loads, I broke it up with educational videos and experiments for science. We also had a Sainsbury's delivery. All in all a good day.

Today, totally different. Not them but me. I feel overwhelmed, emotional, keep bursting into tears. I've taken myself off for a lie down. DP just brought me a cup of tea and I cried.

I usually get all my jobs done Fridays. Ironing, cleaning, garden tidy etc. Obviously this has taken a back seat. I'm quite house proud and it's getting to me I think. God help me after more than a week!

I feel absolutely pathetic even saying these things! What is wrong with me?!!

It’s completely normal and fine to feel that way. It is overwhelming. Well done for yesterday. But allow yourself to have good and bad days. Do something for yourself. Read a book; have a bath; go for a walk; listen to music.

It is difficult isn't it? I think the people that will fare the best are young retired who are happy and financially secure. Anything else will be hard for people. Hopefully it won't last that long in the grand scheme of things, even 3 months is not that long. Usually I'm happy in my own company. Relationship with OH is over, and being cooped up with him for weeks/months is daunting. I almost made the break recently, so am kicking myself very hard! I think you will soon get used to the new normal. Daydream about better times to come, try to get enough sleep and stay positive.

There's nothing wrong with you, it's a perfectly normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. Don't add beating yourself up for it to the list of current difficulties

If it makes you feel any better, I was doing perfectly fine until I went to Tesco the other day. Somehow, the empty shelves , queuing and lack of usual crowds in there just made me feel a bit tearful. Obviously I felt a bit silly about it afterwards and I bounced back, but for that small time I was NOT doing perfectly fine.

And that's ok.

Thanks guys.

I'm still sat here blubbering. It's like a tap I cannot turn off. I love my job but I'm dreading going back to work next week. The uncertainty of it all is just too much for me.

I'm also sad that all this has scuppered our TTC plans as I need to have my implant out and lord knows when I'll next be able to get that appointment. I've waited a long time for that moment to be the right time (which is clearly not now!).

Without blowing my own trumpet! I am the glue in this family. I willingly do all the household stuff and I'm feeling guilty that it will all fall apart if I do. I feel dreadful.

Totally totally normal. I think grief is like the waves - peaks and troughs, peaks and troughs. I'm finding that if I see it this way and let it move through, then it's easier than trying to pretend that I can keep an even keel.

You will get the chance to have a child. I know it's easier said than done when you wanted to start trying, but things could be worse. It's probably a worrying time for women who are pregnant now or who have very young babies. I think things will get easier for you if you just try to accept things the way they are at the moment.

Try and look on the bright side OP:

You had a good day with your DSC.
You don't have to worry about them all the time as childcare is shared.
You won't go crazy because you are still getting out to work.
You don't have to worry about your unborn child or birth yet.
The housework will still be there to do today, tomorrow, everyday.
Your DH sounds sympathetic as he brought you cuppa when you had a lie down !

This is temporary. It won't last forever. Keep that in mind but allow that you will have down days and give yourself time to adjust to the new normal.

Thanks all. Just had a nice long shower. DSD brought me another cuppa bless her heart. She's only 9. I feel a bit more human.

Aunt Flo has arrived... might explain the hormonal mess I'm in!

Deep breaths and a hot water bottle for the rest of the day!