My only child 12yo not coping well with being alone during lock down

[LockeAndKey]

NHS worker here. Lone parent. Took dd to our local school childcare hub one day last week and she hated it. There were only five kids, she was the only secondary age child and she had a choice of watching Disney films with the younger children or sitting in a quiet room on her mobile phone all day. She came back in tears and I agreed she’d be better off at home while I work as she wasn’t exactly being supervised at school anyway.

I work four days a week. She was alone at home for three days last week. Her mood has been dipping each day. She is a massive extrovert. Her energy spikes when she’s around her friends and me. We’ve agreed a timetable with work and house stuff for her to do during the day and I’ve encouraged her to make sure she phones or video calls family or friends at least once a day. She’s really upset this morning that it’s the weekend yet it’s not special and just like any other day. Is anyone else’s only child struggling like this?

She absolutely doesn’t want to go back to the childcare hub as she said it made her feel incredibly awkward and unwanted. She says she understands the reasons for lockdown and she feels bad for complaining. She’s crying daily about being lonely and it kills me that the only alternative would be something that makes her feel worse (the childcare hub). I’m not allowed to take any leave at the moment to be with her either. I can’t afford to resign and I’d be a fool to put us both in financial jeopardy just so I can be home with her for company.

Any ideas on how to make this easier for her? I already phone her on my lunch break and text her through the day. And I’m back before dinner time each evening.

Thanks.

Can you get in touch with the school and see if they can be more supportive? Perhaps suggest she be a "helper"? I'll be working at our school/childcare hub next week and will definitely be trying to engage any older children who are at a bit of a loose end.

Would you consider a pet ?? Maybe a puppy to keep her busy and at least she could go out once or twice a day to walk it and get fresh air.

Please don't do this.

As lovely as puppies are, they can literally bring you to tears of frustration when they're chewing everything, peeing/pooing everywhere and barking/whining during the night.

That's really not the added stress you or your child needs. Plus the 'puppy' would (hopefully) be with you for the next 14 to 16 years.

Plus she couldn't walk the puppy for ages after getting it, due to it needing injections and she's not going to be able to take it to the vet alone.

Do any neighbours have kids? Could she put some music on in the garden and all have a dance (staying in their own gardens). FaceTime or Skype and rather than just chatting play a board game or something, charades? It is hard, my DS very introverted so not too affected.

Are you working full time? If this goes on for weeks and weeks I personally think it's too long for an only child to be on their own day in day out and I'd focus on making the childcare hub work better, either by being a helper, talking to those in charge or finding a different one. They won't be able to occupy the little ones with Disney films for 12 weeks so I'd take her feedback with a pinch of salt. Maybe the beginning the staff needed a bit of time-filling til they came up with better ideas to occupy them. They didn't get much notice re planning

@tattychicken leaving a 12 year old alone for day and days is not healthy for the child. I'm going to be looking after my friend's kids over Easter because she's a doctor and can't take time off, they are too young to be unsupervised, there is no other childcare available (school have told her they will close for at least 4 days, possibly the whole 2 weeks). The dad lives in another country and the only alternate are her elderly parents. But sure, this doctor who is at the fucking frontline is breaking the law by leaving her children with me. And I'm breaking the law by having them. Get a grip.

Look up zoom or party hub

They are conference call apps where all the kids can chat together - they set up ‘meeting time’ and it ring through really easily.

Set her tasks - with school work or house work and build in something she likes

Make sure she has time isn’t he fresh air and sunshine

Good luck we all know how hard this will be

forkfun you are putting her children and your children and yourself at risk. It's utterly utterly shit I know, but it's not about being officious and nit picky it's about saving lives.
I'm a frontline key worker too. It's shit out there. I'm really shocked your friend is a doctor and is allowing this to happen.

What else do you suggest? She isn't allowed time off.

Poor kid. Usually curse the damn thing, but can you access an X-box for her? Not sure which model it is but my son can talk to his friends live via his. Not quite the same as personal contact but a reasonable substitute?

I would have the argument with the school. They have been told to stay open during the holidays.

The reality is, someone has to look after the children. Her children are high risk because they live with her. We are very low risk (and are fairly sure we've had it, although without testing we don't know for sure). She has neither the time or inclination to fight with the school.
The aim is to flatten the curve. It's not to completely prevent the whole population from getting it. I'm comfortable with the risk to us, we have been self-isolation now for two weeks and are not planning on venturing out beyond the stipulation guidelines, so are minimising the risk to others. We cannot eliminate the risk. No one can.

I'm in a similar position but my only child is 17yr old ds. I had to work three long days this week and am getting increasingly worried about how he's going to cope long term. He was already stressed to the eyeballs over his A levels and is now refusing to do any more work to try and get the best grade he can. All he ate yesterday was a bowl of cereal until I got home at 7.30pm.
Fortunately, I'm off now until next Wednesday and I'm frantically searching for things to help improve his mood - not very successfully so far but will keep trying!! I'm also trying to get some downtime of my own which is making me feel guilty.

The pet idea is not totally awful, just a smaller one such guinea pigs (a pair is better) or a rat (they are very sociable and make great pets). The physical interaction with another being and stroking them may help her stay calm, plus she will learn a lot about being responsible and caring for animals.

Are there any online classrooms that you can register for where she might interact with others the same age like this one?