Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My only child 12yo not coping well with being alone during lock down

40 replies

LockeAndKey · 28/03/2020 08:23

NHS worker here. Lone parent. Took dd to our local school childcare hub one day last week and she hated it. There were only five kids, she was the only secondary age child and she had a choice of watching Disney films with the younger children or sitting in a quiet room on her mobile phone all day. She came back in tears and I agreed she’d be better off at home while I work as she wasn’t exactly being supervised at school anyway.

I work four days a week. She was alone at home for three days last week. Her mood has been dipping each day. She is a massive extrovert. Her energy spikes when she’s around her friends and me. We’ve agreed a timetable with work and house stuff for her to do during the day and I’ve encouraged her to make sure she phones or video calls family or friends at least once a day. She’s really upset this morning that it’s the weekend yet it’s not special and just like any other day. Is anyone else’s only child struggling like this?

She absolutely doesn’t want to go back to the childcare hub as she said it made her feel incredibly awkward and unwanted. She says she understands the reasons for lockdown and she feels bad for complaining. She’s crying daily about being lonely and it kills me that the only alternative would be something that makes her feel worse (the childcare hub). I’m not allowed to take any leave at the moment to be with her either. I can’t afford to resign and I’d be a fool to put us both in financial jeopardy just so I can be home with her for company.

Any ideas on how to make this easier for her? I already phone her on my lunch break and text her through the day. And I’m back before dinner time each evening.

Thanks.

OP posts:

forkfun · 28/03/2020 08:26

Oh, how awful. I so feel for you and her. I would say in these circumstances, could another family look after her?

I'm going to look after the kids of my friend who is a single parent doctor over the Easter break. It seems the most sensible choice in our particular circumstance.

Flipreverseit · 28/03/2020 08:28

Oh it’s so rubbish. My son (younger) would spend all day on FaceTime with his friends if I let him. Can she get a friend on FaceTime and do whatever there is to do at home whilst talking to them? Craft, colouring, school work etc?

PenguinOrHippo · 28/03/2020 08:30

How about any of the free online courses? There are dancing courses, Pilates, yoga, chess courses some quite cheap language courses (I have paid £5 for a month subscription to beginner French) ?

If she felt that she was using the time to explore an interest, that may be easier? My DD(11) also did her homework whilst on skype to a friend. That also worked quite well.

ree348 · 28/03/2020 08:31

Hi,
Sorry to hear that, we forget that children are finding it so hard to cope too.

Are there any books she enjoys that you could purchase? Any games? Puzzles? Art and craft that she could fill her time with?

Have the school set any work that she can get on with while you're at work? I know some schools have so maybe worth a try?

Or set her homework yourself?

Sorry, for the lack of ideas my experience only really extends to the 2 toddlers I have. X

Flipreverseit · 28/03/2020 08:31

Could she make funny videos to share with friends? Fashion show? Tiktok dances? ‘Challenges’
Practice make up
Learn to juggle
It’s all more bearable with a friend on the otjer End of the phone

Original poster

LockeAndKey · 28/03/2020 08:32

Thanks. No I definitely wouldn’t increase chances of her or I getting or anyone else getting it by asking another family to mind her. Her close friends’ parents are key workers too but they have older siblings at home for company.

She is FaceTiming her friends each day but i think she misses actually being around other people all day long and she just feels so lonely. There’s not really an alternative to that is there? FaceTime is good and I’ll be encouraging her to do that much more regularly.

OP posts:

Original poster

LockeAndKey · 28/03/2020 08:34

Thanks yes we have got lots of homework and we’re agreeing a timetable to structure her days which she says has helped. New hobbies and online courses are a good shout. We will take a look at some today.

OP posts:

EstellaHanclay · 28/03/2020 08:42

Honestly I think if her mood is dipping lower each day and she is crying on her own, I would ask her friends parents if she can stay with them during the days. Or a relative with no health conditions.

I get what’s happening right now and am taking it seriously (not been out at all in 10 days) but mental health illnesses are very serious too, you don’t want her to deteriorate. I think I’m speaking as someone whose 12 year old has depression, OCD, anxiety and was recently hospitalised for it. It’s absolutely horrific for her and frightening for me.

As an alternative could you speak to the childcare hub and see if there’s anything they can do?

Florin · 28/03/2020 08:45

It’s so hard for the only children isn’t it. Our son is 7 and really misses his friends. I have allowed him on house party which they go on there so they can chat through the iPad and then go on a game called Roblox which allows them to play in a virtual world. Something I wouldn’t be a fan Of a month ago but now it’s a life line. I let him on it 3 times a day. First thing then at midday when I have a work call and then I’m the evening. Is there anything like they your daughter would like? It must be so hard doing thus on your own.

gillybean2 · 28/03/2020 08:49

Toontown rewritten may help keep her occupied and make some virtual friends in a child friendly environment. It’s free to use as it’s a fan run revival of the original game.

Futureplanning · 28/03/2020 08:58

Do you have any pets? Might not be possible but they are great company and give you something to talk to.

Our local cat shelter is still open and desperate for people to help.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/03/2020 09:03

Awh the poor girl she is really struggling. Is she interested in art, or yoga she could be an expert in a few weeks. I'd say she'll adjust. I found myself going from devastation to excepting it. I hope she is feeling better soon.

JoyceByersWasRight · 28/03/2020 09:07

Hi OP, I am a key worker too with an 11 yr old DD (y6). Although there are 2 of us, our DD is struggling also. My DD sounds very like yours. She is extrovert and finding it hard on her mood. We have struggled to get her to even brush her hair and go out for a walk everyday. We have a good balance and routine, but she is very hard to motivate. We are insisting that she gets up, washed and dressed every day, and we are all doing Joe Wicks PE each morning and making sure one of takes her for a walk each day. She never wants to go, but we insist.

She stays in touch with friends during break times via FaceTime. We are also making sure that we do something all together once a day even if it's just a to programme.

If your DD is not seeking out friends and family, can you ask them to FaceTime her daily at set times? Could you do a fitness thing together when you get home? I try not to let DD spend too much time on her own.

Good luck OP, hope it gets better.

Salene · 28/03/2020 09:22

Can she go and live with someone else for the next few weeks.? A household with more people in it while this is going on.

tattychicken · 28/03/2020 09:28

For the people who are looking after others children or suggesting she move to stay with a relative - this is not allowed. Mixing of households in this way is putting people at risk. Please don't do it. I am speechless that this sort of stuff is still going on.

CtrlU · 28/03/2020 09:32

Bless

Poor thing. I’m sure you can see if there are some healthy family/ friends she could stay with - even if it’s just one or two nights.

Crackerofdoom · 28/03/2020 09:37

If you have a look at outschooling.com/ there are loads of online courses she can do in the most random subjects!

Do you have older relatives she can check on each day via facetime? Maybe it will give her a sense of responsibility, and someone else to talk to without it being a constant reminder of what she is missing out on.

crazydiamond222 · 28/03/2020 09:37

Is it worth exploring whether there are are other childcare hubs that would take her that have older children? Maybe one near where you work rather than your home. Perhaps if you spoke to the teachers there they might be able to help see if there is another option.

Bagelsandbrie · 28/03/2020 09:42

I feel so sad for you both. It’s a horrible situation.

I’m not sure what the answer is. I’d be tempted to try and see if there are any other hubs where there are older children. Maybe ring the local authority and ask...? I have no idea how it all works. My dd aged 16 is really struggling at the moment and that’s with me and her little brother at home - she really misses her friends. It’s horrible for teenagers and older children in particular I think.

Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 09:43

@LockeAndKey This is a bit of a long shot, but I'm wondering if there's any possibility she could have a responsibility role at the hub, supervising younger kids playing games or something? It might give her a sense of structure and something to work at, and she sounds like the kind of girl who'd be great at doing this.

I really sympathise. My DDs were over the moon when they got to go into school two days this week - you'd have thought it was the biggest treat ever. I was trying to explain that it wasn't really the point, but they weren't getting it!

CtrlU · 28/03/2020 09:44

Would you consider a pet ?? Maybe a puppy to keep her busy and at least she could go out once or twice a day to walk it and get fresh air.

orangeicecream · 28/03/2020 09:46

I have a 12 Yr old DD if she'd like to "meet" a new friend via facetime/zoom. My DD is into art, manga and making a mess in her room :)

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 28/03/2020 09:47

What about a childminder? This might suit her a bit better and have more for her to do.

EverydayLife · 28/03/2020 09:48

My dc same age would absolutely not be able to do that (stay at home alone for long periods.) That’s a good idea pp suggested - could she help out with the younger ones at the provision?

IdblowJonSnow · 28/03/2020 09:52

Also cant believe how many pps have suggested she goes to a friends house!
FFS.
It's awful OP. Hopefully she will adjust a little. My kids are probably a bit intro but just starting to feel it, as am I.
Get together and make a list of things to do. Try and exercise together when you can, that will hopefully boost her mood.

Flip

1 2