Daughter gone to boyfriends house now.

Hollyhobbi · 2020-03-28T03:49:03+00:00

As in just got in taxi with him to go to his house! He rang and said he was on the way over to us. We're on lockdown for two weeks now (in Ireland). He suffers from depression and has cut himself and other stuff as well. I told my daughter she'll have to stay there for 2 weeks now. And his grandfather lives in the same house and has terminal cancer. Any advice?! I can't believe this just happened. She's 21 btw

Aquamarine1029 · 28/03/2020 03:53

Your daughter is being foolish, and her choice of a boyfriend is certainly alarming, but given that she's 21, there's nothing you can do about it. She will have to live with the consequences of her decisions.

Weenurse · 28/03/2020 03:55

I think, for his mental health, her staying with him and his grandfather is a good idea.
It will keep him out of hospital from self harming.
She can help care for the grandfather.

MadamePewter · 28/03/2020 04:06

@Hollyhobbi I understand: my dd has also departed in even worse circumstances. It’s such a worry, which is even harder just now.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 04:06

There are also his parents, his brother and sister living in the house. The grandfather is supposed to be cocooned but that probably doesn't matter too much at this stage. I should also add that l am here on my own with my other daughter who is 16. I have health issues and have been in A & E 4 times already this month. Unfortunately it's not a health issue that a GP can treat. Also her boyfriend wanted to stay in our house.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 04:10

I have been beside suspected covid 19 patients in the hospital as it is in the middle of Dublin which is where most of the cases in Ireland are.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 04:14

She just texted to ask if she could come home in the morning. He's in a state. Suppose the whole world is on edge now😢

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 04:18

I'd love a brandy to calm my nerves but can't drink as I'm on a high dose of Warfarin

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 04:19

I said she could come back. I just wish things were back to some sort of normal.

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LorenzoStDubois · 28/03/2020 04:20

I'd be tempted to tell her she has to stay there.
She should have thought about all that before she swanned out the door.
Otherwise, she'll come home and then he'll roll in not long after, wanting in to your house too.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/03/2020 04:25

Tell her she has to stay there. She made her choice and treating her like a child will do her no favours. She decided to leave, there she has to stay.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2020 04:26

It will keep him out of hospital from self harming.

In no way should any 21 year old woman be told she is responsible for preventing a man harming himself. This is what a lot of abusive relationships are based on. Firstly, she can't stop him. Secondly, his health is not her responsibility. Third, and most importantly, his behaviour sounds manipulative, immature and unhealthy.

I went out with a very troubled man in my late teens. I'm very glad I didn't stay with him.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 04:50

Trust me I'm worried about her relationship. But I think if I interfer she's more likely to stay with him. I was married to a self centered, bully myself for a number of years. This is her first relationship. He's 20.

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DroppedBoxxedRuth · 28/03/2020 04:57

I'd let her come home but that would be her first and last chance. If she took off again, she wouldn't be coming back.

penisbeakers · 28/03/2020 05:01

She should have stayed there. This is why we're all fucked.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 05:06

I said she could come home. I asked her why she was whatsapping me and she said she had no phone credit and no way to buy any.

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mathanxiety · 28/03/2020 05:06

I would let her back but she would have to get into the shower as soon as she returns and all her clothes should be washed and if possible dried in a dryer. Shoes left aside in a box. Jewellery left in a box. Any clothes or toothbrush, etc she brought with her needs to be boxed or bleached too. She should also swear that this is it as far as visiting her BF goes until the virus emergency is over. And he doesn't get to come near your home either.

In no way should any 21 year old woman be told she is responsible for preventing a man harming himself. This is what a lot of abusive relationships are based on. Firstly, she can't stop him. Secondly, his health is not her responsibility. Third, and most importantly, his behaviour sounds manipulative, immature and unhealthy.
THIS. ^^

I hope none of you pay with your health to give her a hard lesson for her not to get involved with people like her BF.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 05:08

As she forgot her purse!

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LittleLittleLittle · 28/03/2020 05:12

OP in the UK if the grandfather has terminal cancer and around 6 months to live or less, then he can refuse to be put himself in the vulnerable/extremely vulnerable group. What it does mean if he falls ill he won't be ventilated/resuscitated.

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Hollyhobbi · 28/03/2020 05:23

It's might be the same here @LittleLittleLittle . I know a nurse was in with him last week. And you wouldn't be getting a home visit from a nurse nowadays unless you were very ill.

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7seas · 28/03/2020 06:48

Tell her to come back but she stays at yours and does not see him until it's over. They can video call all day/night if they wish.

pocketem · 28/03/2020 09:06

In no way should any 21 year old woman be told she is responsible for preventing a man harming himself. This is what a lot of abusive relationships are based on. Firstly, she can't stop him. Secondly, his health is not her responsibility

Absolutely this