My DH has just accused me of guilting him into not seeing his 84 year old mother tomorrow.

[Gamboge]

We have had symptoms of Cv and have been self isolating over 14 days. I have been very unwell and I’m still recovering but my husband had much milder symptoms. He has arranged to visit his 84 year old mother tomorrow and take her some groceries. When I said that I didn’t think he should be going indoors with her he got angry and accused me of trying to ‘guilt him in to not seeing his mother’. He has stormed off up to bed. This isn’t the first time I have mentioned my concern about his plan to visit with his mother. His position is that he has had the virus and is over it so there is no risk. Am I wrong to think that government regulations say she should be shielded and he should be dropping the groceries on her doorstep. He has made me out to be horrible about this but I am trying to keep my MIL safe. Am I wrong?

No you are not wrong.

Surely better safe than sorry in that situation! I think your husband is stressed by the situation and taking it out on you.

You presumably realise the government ban on socialising applies to everyone and don’t want him to kill his vulnerable elderly mum. Shame he doesn’t feel the same way. Everyone’s stressed but there’s no excuse for him being a fucking idiot. I wouldn’t argue about it though. Hope you feel better soon. Trying times.

I just don’t understand why he would take the risk. He says that they have discussed it and she is fine with it. I think he thinks I am patronising him.

I am now going to face days of him being angry with me for daring to criticise his plans when all I am trying to do is keep MIL safe.

He's being a dick.

Days of anger/ cold shouldering is emotional abuse. Sorry, I know we can sometimes be quick to call it on MN but this punishment and making you doubt reason / your own mind are classic signs.
Don’t apologise. You can say to him he is a free agent and you aren’t stopping him.
But keep yourself safe whilst in lock down. Do reach out on here for support, and know that your opinions and thoughts are valid and you deserve kindness and respect.

And if he blames you or calls you a nag then that reveals everything about him and says nothing about you.

Obviously you are completely 100% right.

But really, if they won’t see sense, you can’t make them. You’ve said your piece now. The rest is on him.

He sounds abusive.

You’ve warned him. Now leave him to it and hope MIL doesn’t catch it.

Also think about LTB. He sounds horrible.

Does he not like his mother? He’s been ill, you’re still ill and he wants to go visit someone whose age group alone means she has a 1 in 5 chance of dying if she gets this? The fact that his symptoms are mild doesn’t mean it’s less of a risk to his mother.

If he punishes you for his guilt with days of anger, you have much bigger problems.

He's not a good man.

‘I am now going to face days of him being angry with me for daring to criticise his plans’

He doesn’t sound like a great partner.

Ok, it’s more like 1 in 10 for over 80s based on more recent figures but still a high risk.

Yes he can be horrible if I say anything that contradicts his point of view. Normally I wouldn’t bother but I am very fond of my MIL and I’m not sure she grasps the seriousness of the situation. My DH was going to stay with a friend and his wife who works in a nursing home last weekend until I asked him to call, and at least give them the option before he turned up. He did and his friend said no.

I think that being isolated with him 24/7 is emphasising issues.

Look after yourself and when you’re feeling better have a think about whether this relationship is healthy for you

If it could be proved I had antibodies I would go and see my mum if possible but I would shower,pack clean clothes,drive there,phone from out side for her to open doors head straight for the shower and put on fresh clothes,put worn into washing machine,wash hand and then give my mum a big hug.Then I would isolate with her until I had to go home.
Your OH hasn't had an antibody test so think ,wrongly that he cannot pass this virus on.His going to your MILwith shopping is only the beginning as he will find excuses not to isolate now.

There is evidence that some patients are still shedding virus five weeks after 'recovery'.

Thank you for your support. He makes me feel like I am a bad person. I know it’s hard not to have contact and he is very close with his mum but it is just for a few weeks. Some people are losing their elderly relatives already. This is a desperately sad situation, people losing loved ones and their incomes. I work for the NHS and tonight I feel like if my husband won’t even listen when I’m trying to keep his mum safe.. well.