Child access feud

[waaahhh]

Sorry if this has been done before. DS and I have asthma. Haven't received a letter but when we get ill our asthma gets bad.

DS has regular visits to DF who lives with his step children. Due to our asthma I really don't like the thought of DS moving around and would rather he stayed here. I suggested this but DF was having none of it. Step children are continuing to see their DF.
It just seems absolute madness that all this mixing is allowed! Is there REALLY nothing I can do about it?

Is there a court order for access or was it done my mutual agreement between you and your ex?

I would just tell your ex you are keeping DS with you and he can FaceTime until this is over. I don't know what happens if there's a court order though, could your ex call the police if you refuse?

Your ex needs to think about his son's health and what's best for him, this is not the time to pick a fight with you over access.

If you have sole custody of your child you have every right to say no, providing there is no court order in place of course.
My son was due to go down south (an 8 hour journey) for the first time next week. His dad lives with his partner and 3 children. I of course have point blank refused this however getting a very hard time.
Maybe call a solicitor and see where you stand they will certainly put your mind at ease like they did mine.

There's no court order, arrangements were mutually agreed when we split - EOW and Wednesday evenings.
I've begged and pleaded for him to allow DS to stay here for now but he has got nasty about it. He's put it in DS's head that now schools are shut he'd be spending more time with his so DS is missing him terribly and wants to go even more. It's such a mess

They can video call and have access through that, say as much as he wants for how long he wants. He sounds just like my ex absolute horror and it's sad that they clearly don't have our kids best interests at heart! Stick to your guns you're doing the right thing :)

@47mum47
There us no such thing as "custody" in the UK. Its resident parents and non-resident parent. The non-resident parent has the exact same rights as the resident parent and the resident parent cannot just say no. You do not have any more rights than the father.
If there is a court order in place stopping them from having contact, or a non-molestation order or they dont have parental rights then you get to make all the decisions but if there is not court order then you dont get to decide. It needs to be agreed upon of you'll find yourself in court for parental alienation.

It seems obvious that for the time being contact should be stopped if possible, but if the other parent doesnt agree then you dont have more of a say than them and can end up in trouble.

Obvisouly in your case, the travelling for 8 hours would be unreasonable under the circumstances, especially since it's the first trip so you're fine and wouldn't end up in trouble, but the OP is in a totally different situation. Normal child handovers have been allowed by the government. The dad in this case has regular contact. There is no court order limiting his contact or removing his parental rights. The OP does not have "custody" because that's not a thing here and she doesnt have any more rights than the dad. So she can end up in trouble if he chooses to pursue it.

Maybe i have given the wrong advice then I was being clouded by my personal opinions and issues. My sons dad has gone up to 16 weeks without seeing him at one time so I'm struggling to see the issue with protecting both families in not allowing him to go down there.

He doesn't think video calls counts as contact. He's really angry and nasty in his messaging about it and every time I read one I'm in tears as the tone is awful. There's nothing I can do is there. I just want to protect my child and it feels horrendous that I can't do that properly

You can say no, but there may he consequences and we dont know what the outcome would be. The government have allowed movement between households for these children. So if you say no, you're going against government guidelines and if he takes you to court... who knows what the outcome would be. You can. It's a civil matter so the police wouldn't come to your door or anything but you'll anything to face the issue later, or he might forget it and do nothing.
A lot of parents are using this as an excuse to alienate because of their terrible relationships with each other so it's going to be a problem later.

For me, it took 3 text messages. One with me saying we probably shouldnt very sending kids back and forth, one with him saying he agrees so could they skype and one with me sending my Skype number and telling him to skype or call whenever. Done. No arguments. I really think that's for the best, lots of people do. But I'd your ex isnt agreeing then government guidelines say he is right.

you could argue in court that it is in the best interests as he has asthma and you are limiting contact to one household instead of three, due to his vulnerable status.

Asthma is included in the group who should be self-isolating for 12 weeks but only in the 'shielding group if severe. The self-isolation guidelines alone mean that he should not be seeing people outside his household. If ex was living on his own and agreed to also self-isolate that would be ok. However, if he is not then you should keep him at home.