Livid with relatives who are not complying with the lockdown

[Roostersmum2]

My mother and my aunt are not listening to government advice and I'm becoming incandescent about it.

My aunt brought us a bag of today and left it on the door step because we are isolating, and whilst I'm touched and grateful that she's thinking of us I would rather she didn't travel around on public transport in London of all places.

I told her 3 times we don't need anything at the moment and pleaded with her to stay indoors. I do suspect she just wanted a reason to get out the house. I've sent her lengthy messages reiterating what the government has outlined, though she already knows as she has been watching the broadcasts.

I spoke with my mother on the telephone today who informed me "oh yes I know your aunt is out and about, I'm going to meet her soon"

I asked what for, is it urgent? No, just for company.

I suggested my mum isolate with my aunt if it's a case of loneliness but she won't hear of it, she wants to come and go as she pleases and go back home when she does want time to herself. I'm also having to reiterate that no, she can't come and see the children and it's not a good idea to be popping to the shops for cigarettes every day.

They are both in their 60's and smoke, the odds aren't stacked in their favour as it is.

Me and DH live in a small apartment with no outdoor space whereas both my mother and aunt have larger properties with gardens. If we can stay indoors why can't they?!

What can you do when people just don't listen, aside from chalking them up to collateral and coming to terms with the fact they're probably going to die (which I absolutely do not want!)

Send them some scary videos of exactly what life is like if you have to spend a month cannulated, intubated, and catheterised, and that’s if you’re one of the lucky ones? Because it’s not fun at all.

Most people have a sense of self-preservation, OP - you just need to coax it out. Good luck.

Don't send them scary videos ffs.

Look, everyone has to realise that you cannot control what other people do. So just concentrate on what you know is the right thing to do, which is staying inside.

I am hearing so much of this from the older generation.
What can you do.Nothing.
You just have to protect your family and do not open the door to them.
A 30 year old mother with 3 children died in London.
Her husband said ambulance turned up but didn’t take her to hospital as she was not sick enough.She died at home.

I had a very difficult telephone conversation yesterday with my elderly uncle who is still sauntering outside. He's already had the same conversation with his daughter and with his younger neighbour who has repeatedly offered to leave essentials on his doorstep if needed, so he is not without support.

He is not just taking the risk for himself. If he was, I'd say the stubborn old fool could crack on. What he is actually doing is making it worse for the front line workers who have no choice but to turn up for work everyday to try to keep us safe.

It is not his job to make their jobs impossible. And yes, I have told him that. Bluntly. He's not happy with me but right now, that doesn't matter.

The Telegraph is reporting that a 34 year old ICU nurse in Lombardy has committed suicide. Last week, a nurse in Venice also committed suicide. All because of the mental and physical strain of dealing with this crisis. More than 5,000 Italian health workers have been infected with coronavirus. Around 30 Italian doctors have died, including some who came out of retirement to help out exhausted hospital staff.

And even now, the carabinieri in Naples are having to use drones to monitor and detect people who will not stay at home.

Would your mother and aunt like the same to happen to our NHS staff? No? Then they should stay at home.

Even if they do just that one thing, it will help.

Please try once more to get through to them, and good luck...

My MIL’s friend and her dh have been gallivanting on buses too. They are in their 80s - my DH took his anger out on the mashed potato.
Why do people think they can flout the rules and think it doesn’t matter? I would rather stay in totally if I thought going for a 10 min walk would endanger a life (it won’t, my area is quiet).

Leave them to it... the amount of posts I've seen on this ignorant behaviour from people of a certain generation who would be regarded as at risk due to their age. You will stress yourself worrying about it and at the end of the day they are choosing to do this.

My BIL and SIL are the same and it's infuriating. In their case I knew instantly that they would not be able to comply. They cannot stand being at home with their kids for even an hour, they need constant activities. Sure enough yesterday they post a picture of one of them queuing at a supermarket with the kids while the other is at home and then later all of them at the park. I have sympathy, SIL in particular finds parenting very hard, but it is incredibly selfish behaviour.

Whatever happened to this “Blitz Spirit” some of the older generation harped on about very recently over Brexit and us having to accept a certain amount of inconvenience? Most of whom had never experienced the war anyway.

Now they’re being told simply to stay the fuck at home and do what their government tells them that Blitz Spirit has fucked right off. I imagine most of them would have been working the black market in the war had they been around then.

I'm worried sick for myself, the children and DH and selfishly it feels like they're just giving me more worry and stress that I can do without.

I was telling my aunt yesterday that the longer people refuse to comply the longer we will be in lockdown and the more likely it is that we will have further restrictions put onto us.

How hard it is to just sit in the damn house? I keep stressing the point that it's people like them who are going to cripple the NHS

People think that being “allowed” to do something (no matter how tenuous) miraculously protects them from Covid19
Do they think that the virus goes “ well actually Mavis/Derek etc is technically allowed out once a day so I won’t infect them. My sdad won’t catch it when he gets his daily paper because if the police stop and question him he can claim he was there to buy milk so he’s basically immune (not)
I need to go to the supermarket later, I’ve ordered what I can online and from the milkman but there are some things I really do need to get
I am allowed to go, I don’t want to and I’m quite frightened to be honest.
I plan to get as much as possible (within rules) so I don’t have to go again for a couple of weeks.

My parents told me yesterday that they are looking forward to today because it means they are out of their 7 day isolation at home following their return from France (via belgium).

This is the isolation that involved going to the supermarket twice, the corner shop Daily, daily walks, meeting a neighbour for a chat (it was outside! They claimed) and meeting my sister for a walk (we were 6 feet apart!).

They think that because a Dr in France took their temperature 10 days ago and they don't have much of a cough that they will not catch Covid-19, will not have it and will not pass it on to anyone. Ever.

They don't think that their isolation should mean staying in their house and garden for a week. But they do think everyone else's isolation means everyone else should stay in their house and garden for a week.

I despair I really do, especially as alot of these people have gardens that they can sit in and get all the fresh air that the country has to offer

Leave them to it - but not before you have written out a "DNR" order for them to sign and leave by the front door for when the paramedics come. Make it explicit, no intubation or resusitation in the event of collapse. That might make them sit up and take notice.

Meh, they're adults and it's up to them.

Just concentrate on keeping your own household safe and ask them not tell you about their socialising plans if it's going to stress you out.

If people aren't going to listen to the news, the government or other people who've been affected, there's probably nothing you can say to change their minds.

Everyone has their own attitude to risk and health and their own priorities. I think you just have to accept that their behaviour isn't something you can control.

This is the isolation that involved going to the supermarket twice, the corner shop Daily, daily walks, meeting a neighbour for a chat (it was outside! They claimed) and meeting my sister for a walk (we were 6 feet apart!).

What exactly is wrong with that? Most of us are having to go to the supermarket because we can't get delivery slots for love or money. When we go to the supermarket it often doesn't have what we need, so we need to go to several. Daily walks are allowed as long as distance is maintained. Talking to the neighbours is also allowed over a fence and keeping distance.
If they are over 70 that's different , but many elderly people don't have online shopping set up and can't do it. They still need to go for daily walks!

Look, everyone has to realise that you cannot control what other people do. So just concentrate on what you know is the right thing to do, which is staying inside.

This. You can't control others behaviour, this situation is stressful enough as it is, don't add more by worrying about others.

Ugh, don't even get me started. My Nana is 80 this year and has just called to drop a card off for DS tomorrow. I told her she's not meant to be out and she was so blase about it.

Not only that, she is going back home to make the workmen doing her guttering a cup of tea, stopping for a paper en route.

So, almost 80, overweight and with angina, she shouldn't be leaving the house at all. Like speaking to a brick wall

@RosesandIris the issue is that they are meant to be in self isolation - that isn't social distancing, it's the one where you stay inside and don't go out the reason they should be following isolation is because they travelled on 2 flights through 3 airports and were in France then Belgium and then the UK where they could have been exposed to the coronavirus.

For their own health and to prevent any spread if they did catch it, they were meant to stay in the house and not wander about in supermarkets and chat to their similarly aged pensioner friends.

They refused. They decided that because it was "only" the supermarket etc then it didn't matter. And that isolation for them meant they wouldn't go and stay with my aunt or go to a family party (which was cancelled).

So it's not social distancing where yes, going for a walk or the shop is ok, but they were meant to stay inside and not go out because they had been at risk of contracting and then spreading the virus.

7 days inside to make sure they and others were ok. That's all they had to do. But they didn't think it applied to them.

We are currently day 11 of household isolation. We haven't left the house or back garden in that time. Someone did drop shopping off for us as they had a slot booked and we joined it. But we haven't left the house as some of us have had symptoms.

It's been a pain in the arse but we are doing it because that's what you do. It doesn't mean you get to dot about for a walk or the shops.

I should add that she has a fully functional grown up son living with her for errand purposes

If you know someone refusing to comply ask them to sign something saying that if they get ill they won’t ask for any medical help, will refuse hospital, and if they lack capacity that they wont go into ITU. Advance decision. Then they wont infect any NHS workers. Anyone else they see has the right to stay well away from them.

Same here. 92 year old gran I FaceTimed yesterday asking if her man can still come and do her hair as usual on Saturday. Why can't her cleaner come on Wednesday? She's got every marble going still, that's not the issue. Intelligent, watches the news. She was evacuated... can you imagine Winston Churchill giving a direct instruction to the people and being ignored?
I really would like her to live longer so she can see my dc grow up.
Again, brick wall, head. I'm frightened for her.

I think old folk seem to have the "Oh well I wont live forever ,got to die sometime" sort of an attitude .They dont seem to worry so much as they have had a fairly long life already.Problem is they dont realise they are a threat to younger people /NHS if they become ill themselves /infect someone else .Most of them seem to think they know best ,and dont want to listen to younger people telling them what they dont want to hear! All you can do is keep telling them and one day it might sink in!