Toddler still in nursery - what to do ?

[AleenaM]

Toddler only started nursery 3 weeks ago when I went back to work after 1y of Mat Leave, he goes in 3 days and I work 3 days and take annual leave for the rest of the 2 days. I am pregnant again with baby due in August so I could probably continue to work 3 days a week with 2 days off up until my new Mat Leave.

My partner is an engineer so the nursery seems to be happy that the box is ticked and he is a key worker so my child can still attend. The nursery is still open so if I just don't send him in, I would lose on the daily fees.

What to do about baby going in? Both me and partner are working at home, 3 and 5 days. Should I pull him out with 4 weeks notice and 4 weeks still payable? How long is the work from home/lockdown situation expected to last? I am confused between loosing money now if not sending him in, over possible savings if we keep him home with us, but depending on when this ends, how will I get him a spot back in, if needed? I also never decided if I would want him to still attend when the new baby comes, I would have probably wanted him to go in for 1 day ( if they allow that little) ? My first was and is very demanding so anxious about how I will cope with two.

Thanks, any suggestions/ things to weigh in welcome !

I don't think you should be sending him if you are both working from home. It"s not essential is it? Ask the nursery what the position is re fees. You can afford the fees if you send him so you can also afford the fees if you don't, as annoying as it is to pay for a service you're not using.

Our toddler was in 3 days a week, down from 4 once I had the second. Any less and it would have disrupted her too much and she likes nursery, plus it gives me time to bond with baby 2.

And if you don't pay, you may well lose your place. Personally I'm happy to pay our nursery to ensure it stays open and the staff get paid, but with the 80% government pledge we aren't being charged full fees anyway.

@awkwardbuttons no I don't think it works in a way that if I can afford to pay if he goes I can afford to pay if he doesn't. That's like saying I can afford to pay for shopping that never gets delivered and I should just understand the situation as it's though out there for all of us. I would obviously have a toddler at home and would manage much less of my work load and would have to compensate at odd hours, assuming my work/managers are ok with this all. Forgot to add that I had hyperemesis with my first pregnancy and I am struggling quite a lot with sickness this time too and not expecting it to wear off at all. And me and partner have no family around to help at all ever.

He has been in a total of 6 times, and if he doesn't go from now on I am not sure what disruption it will be to him, he doesn't yet liked it and still gets a little sad. I could not afford to have him in 3 days after I am on maternity again.

The advice in Wales was if there is a parent at home then the child should stay at home, even if one parent is a keyworker.

This is to help prevent the spread of coronavirus.
Surely it's the same wherever you are.

You really don't tick the boxes for key workers! Why would you take the chance of exposing like, yourself and staff when he could be safe at home?? I honestly do t think people are grasping how serious this is!

How do you tick the boxes for your dh being a key worker, if you are both at home?

you shouldn't be sending him! It isn't essential.

I called the nursery Friday just before closing to ask what the situation is, and she asked what we do and insisted my partner's job is a key worker job (Cat 3) and that he can still come. They are saying guidance they received is that at least one parent has to be a key worker. I suspect they are just wanting to keep numbers up so they continue to get paid. They said a total of 8 kids were due to be in today across all age groups.

Me and my partner do not meet anyone, so the risk here is only to my child and my partner, if anything, I should be worried about what the other kids parents are working as.

Please try not to judge if you can? We are worried about the financial aspect and my main dilema is if I should not take him in and continue to pay ( for how long), or pull him out considering rumours have it this might last until I am due my next baby.?

But your dh is working from home and you are able to look after ds so you have other options. Boris quite clearly said schools/ nurseries were where there were no other options!

You are exposing yourself to unnecessary risk. If you are pregnant you are at higher risk anyway and you are sending your toddler in to an environment where he is at much higher risk of picking up the virus and bringing it home to you.

You shouldn't be sending him if you are both working from home. In terms of managing your work, yes you will have to do what millions of other working parents are now doing whilst all the schools and nurseries are closed.

I meant to add pic...

If you don't need to send him. In then please don't. Places should only be where there is no other option.

Me and my partner do not meet anyone, so the risk here is only to my child and my partner, if anything, I should be worried about what the other kids parents are working as.

This is exactly the risk people are pointing out. Plus if your child brings home coronavirus then you will likely catch it too which given you are pregnant is best avoided.

You are in the fortunate position of not needing/wanting the space long term so I suggest you stop sending him and give notice. I cannot see nurseries being back up and running by the time you start your next maternity leave given the schools have shut until (at least) September.

Yes your son is allowed to go...but that doesn’t mean you have to send him.
Personally, if I was at home, so would my child be. You’re risking too much sending him when you simply don’t have to.

You are high risk due to being pregnant.

Your son is being exposed to at least 9 or 10 seperate individuals (children plus workers) at nursery, each of whom are members of families. The children are all from key worker families so probably have at least one parent working outside the home and coming in contact with possible carriers. At least one or two parents are probably health care workers or teachers, coming into close contact with superspreaders and especially likely to catch the virus.

Draw a mind map of the web of contacts channellung through nursery and your son to you and your unborn.

Then pull him out of nursery. Give notice and just pay the notice period if you don't intend to send him back or keep paying if you do - only you can decide that.

Google the sunk cost falicy - your grocery analogy doesnt work because you'd still have to buy more food but you don't have to hire a nanny or pay for other childcare.

It will be near impossible to work from home with a toddler though. If you're pregnancy exhausted you need to work offoce hours on your days and DH work evening into the night and/or at the weekend, and you have DS office hours on the two days you don't work so he can work uninterrupted - or whatever juggle you can make work.

no I don't think it works in a way that if I can afford to pay if he goes I can afford to pay if he doesn't. That's like saying I can afford to pay for shopping that never gets delivered and I should just understand the situation as it's though out there for all of us

Yes that is how it works if you are still getting paid while working from home and having him at home. Otherwise you are saving money by having him at home, right? Whether you can afford to pay it is only changed by whether you get paid and not whether you actually use the service you paid for. It is galling to pay for something you don't use but that doesn't mean you can't afford it. I'm not judging, it's just how it is!

You are exposing your child, yourselves and your baby to unnecessary risk. Take him out of nursery

I would take him out. Risk isn't worth it especially if you're pregnant.

Remember that the other children at nursery will generally be there because their parents are keyworkers/potentially frontline staff. So they will all be being exposed. Your child will likely catch anything they have, and give it to you (and maybe the new baby). Nurseries are basically petri dishes of germs at the best of times.

I know a lot of people who are technically keyworkers, but can manage with their kids at home who pulled theirs out of nursery weeks ago.

If children can safely be looked after at home they should be at home. This really isn’t rocket science, it’s really very simple. So he goes to nursery, mixes among other children who live with their parents who are nurses, doctors or other frontline staff and they pass the virus to their child who passes it to yours who in turn passes it to you. If there was a gunman wandering around you wouldn’t put your child in the line of fire but you’re willing to do this to your child. FFS really?

Obviously it’s not ideal to have a toddler home when you’re both working, but that’s the situation most other families are currently in and having to manage. Your DH being a key worker doesn’t mean you’re exempt from that because one of you is not.

You are in a high risk category and should be protecting yourself and your baby. Sorry to be blunt but it is not worth it for a bit of inconvenience.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.