Please tell me who is BU

[Beatricekiddo27]

Today has been a terrible ongoing debate with my dc father - my ex - regarding contact over the next few weeks. I honestly feel drained. I feel they should stay with me. I understand it's hard for him to not have contact but I'm completely willing to facilitate it with FaceTime, messages, I've even said he can take them out for a walk.

But he wants his usual contact and thinks because the government has said it's ok for kids to go between houses then there's no risk. There is a risk! We are being told to isolate and not see anyone outside of the household. In my eyes this is just making the risk to both houses higher and both houses also have a vulnerable person in - my dp who has a heart condition and ex's wife who has asthma.

I never pictured myself being in a position where I'd have to say no to contact and after a day of back and forth rows I could use some outsider perspective to decide what to do...

I think u should give up the children to him if u r worried about the risk! How about that? Why is it ok for him not see the children and not you?
This is a difficult time for everyone... The poor children have a right to see the father and spend the time with him. Lets be reasonable and fair to everyone. And most importantly for the sake of the children, it isnt the time for them to see their parents miserable and arguing

Believe me I don't want to stop contact but for the sake of a few weeks isn't it the safest thing to do? Of course I wouldn't want them there for the imminent future but as I'm the residential parent surely it would make more sense for them to be with me? Their dad as other kids in the house too. The risk of it spreading between them all is much higher.

Can't help but think that the massive u turn from Michael gove will have caused a lot of confusion and upset today. But surely everyone's safety should come first?

OP I agree with you.
Thankfully my xh does to, in fact he brought it up. I'm in the vulnerable group as is dd2. He's been on the phone with them constantly and even playing games over the phone. He bought gifts round at the weekend that he insisted the DC wash down before taking into the house. He has said if they go to him he should keep them so if they get too much (1 DC is under camhs for extremely challenging behaviour) he will come and get them straight away.

I really do not get on with this man. He's shacked up with the ow. But on this occasion I feel extremely lucky.

No, I disagree with you here. The right for a child to see both parents trumps what is, for the majority, a very mild illness. You can't refuse to let your children see THEIR dad because of the impact to YOUR DP.

@Tessaraqt Oh come on, really? It's quite clearly not just about MY dp. It's about everyone who lives in both homes including two vulnerable adults, two regular adults and 4 kids. Not to mention anyone that any of us happen to come into contact with. We were told to isolate. None of us are seeing extended family. Grandparents, aunts, friends, nothing. So why is it ok for the kids to go between houses? Why are they any less likely to spread the virus than anyone else?

Believe me I take equal parenting rights very seriously and up until this point we have ever had a disagreement about it. But I just think this is a risk. The kids will be okay I've spoken to them. It's him who is kicking off and insisting on contact.

If custody is usually three days with one four days with the other or something could you just make it longer? Like double it to six or preferably seven days and eight or nine days for the other parent or something?

Less chance of spreading germs if less swapping about while dc sees both parents so won’t miss them?

Presumably your household and your ex’s household are isolating themselves as much as possible due to high risk members if the family already. So one child going between the houses shouldn’t be an additional risk?

Difficult times.

@Elieza no it's nowhere near that equal. Kids are predominantly with me.

Anyone else have anything to add? Can already tell by these few comments that it's quite a divisive issue...

If it makes a difference, Ex and his wife are planning to self isolate with their kids as much as possible but will still need to pop out shopping and so on (like I will). So there's still a risk.