I have been waiting for high intensity CBT for 9 months now, I have been having fortnightly visits from a perinatal mental health nurse at home and fortnightly visits to my doctor too. Both of those have gone cancelled because of this is virus. I'm under no illusion that the counselling is ever going to happen. My eldest daughter has no nursery anymore so somehow I have to be enough for her and I'm not, she's been home for a week and already her behaviour has deteriorated to the point that I can't go 1 hour without telling her off, and I know a large part of that is me failing as a parent so I am well aware it's not her fault and it just makes me feel worse. My flat is disgusting. My 10 month old is extremely clingy and needs far more attention that I can give if I have to focus on keeping the older one entertained too, I don't know how to prepare her for school, or if she's even going to school in september. My partner works 6 days a week for quite long hours as a delivery driver so I'm on my own with them 90% of the time. And yes I know I should be blessed to have this time and I know others have it worse and I know people are dying so I shouldn't be self indulgent and I know I shouldn't be upset over little things but I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be here and I don't know what to do.
I'm scared I'm going to lose my job that pays minimum wage and I do less than 12 hours a week at so I don't know if I'll get any help with money but I pay bills with it so I need it; my partner pays the majority but I pay what I can out of my money and I pay for everything our children need so I need that money. I'm scared that my girls might get ill, or what happens if something happens and they need hospital treatment that isn't related to this virus what happens then. This is going to go on for months and months, and I don't know what to do.