First Time Post, just need some kind advice

[Acepurple]

Hi everyone,

I know theres's going to be alot of talks about Coronavirus, I honestl;y never thought I'd be asking for advice here but here I am.

For the first time last night it really hit me about the virus ( I had worried before), so now I don't know if I'm overly worrying, but just cried about being worried for our young family, elderly relatives and others.

Me and my husband spoke and he calmed me down saying, we will be okay, we won't put the kids in unnecessary risk, and we've got plenty we can do with them etc etc.

Today being mothers day, he has spoke to his mum (she lives locally), my parents don't. I was upstairs and came down and he said if she turns up today. I feel hes made a decision without me, as I said when your mum said I will come over this after, he can't remember what response he gave her.

This may be easy for me to say as my parents live far away, so don't even have the opportunity/decision if to see them, but still feel if they were near I wouldn't be seeing them.

This how now turned into a small argument, where he thinks I'm bashing him about it.
I said I don't think it's a good idea. He's saying that now hes going to be letting one of us down.

Background: We don't have any signs of Corona yet, (I think) we are both young early - mid 30's. And have 2 kids 3 & 4 years old. He's saying if his mum comes the kids are only in the 1% of getting it, and he knows more facts about it than me. Which is probably true. Our daughter was blue lighted into hospital early Dec, for Viral Induced Wheeze, where she had to be on a ventilator and given steroids, and has an inhaler at home. She's on my mind, that if we do get it, when she gets a bad cold, she struggles to breath. This has only happened twice, so don't know if I'm overreacting.

To try and reason, I said if she does turn up, you can go for a walk with her, keep your distance, but not keen on her coming into the house. Shes been constantly mingling and going into town.

He said he feels he should have her come over to get her to stop going places, and take it seriously, she has very bad Scrophenic Bi Polar, so I know he's worried about this.

He threw into the mix that his mums twin sister, is possibly going to stay at her daughters house for a few weeks, and that hes's not asking me to do that, which is making me feel guilty.

I am just coming off Sertraline, as it was making me worse, but now don't know if I'm been too over protective as I'm maybe over emotional from the tablets coming out my system.

I feel that this is ruining what should be a nice day for me and the kids, being mothers day, but just need some friendly advice. If you think I'm being seriously OTT, please just tell me. What do you think?

Lovely, you are not over-reacting, no one is supposed to be mixing with anyone apart from the people they already live with. So your mum should be staying where she is, and you and DH and the kids staying where you are. That's as complicated as it gets, it's not easy (I cried about it all yesterday too) and I hate not being able to look after my Dad and he and DS are really missing each other already, but keeping us all apart gives us all the best chance of surviving this and all being together at the end of it.

Sorry I meant DH's mum should be staying where she is. And he should not be going to see her either. End of.

Who is he going to listen to if not the most senior scientists in the land?

Your MiL and your DH are both wrong. The NHS staff are doing their best - and your DH and MIL are working against the NHS.

You are not overreacting. Your MIL should not be coming over.

I think you are bring entirely reasonable isolating your daughter and following government advice. In the circumstances, I wouldn't want to be coming off Sertraline. Have you considered putting the taper on hold until this blows over?

Thank you @Peach1886. That's what I thought, he can have all the time to see her when this all blows over, even face time etc.

@PersonaNonGarter I truly thought he understood it more than me, but I just don't know where his priorities are at the moment, espeically as less than 12 hours before we decided together to keep isolated to try and reduce it, as I think I read you can be carriers and then pass it on to the vunerable as well as family.

@daisypond thank you, I felt stupid for doubting myself, so it's reassuring to see those words.

@BrokenLink thank you, I honestly don't know what to do. I've felt alot better for being off them a week. I will start on 50mg again just incase it does help in any way.

Thank you to all of your comments, after I wrote this I just laid down on the bed, as he was downstairs with the kids. I woke up to DD crying, the front door open and our DS outside the front of the house. My husband just went out and left the kids, as his mum turned up and didn't want to let her in (he's saying he did that for me). He didn't lock me or the kids in, knowing I was upstairs, didn't shout up or tell the kids mummy's upstairs. Our daughter was crying as she thought she'd been left alone. I am beyond livid, heartbroken and have just utter disgust to him.

He came back, I said did you see your mum, what did you talk about, he said that's got nothing to do with you, I couldn't help it (I know I shouldn't) but just slapped him - NOT infront of the kids. He's blamed it on me saying I chose to go upstairs (a choice I made as he raised his voice to me earlier about mis MiL coming over, and wouldn't give me my mobile - as he said I'll regret it)

He said the kids are okay, no harms done, and said "I told you this would happen earlier, there's more hurt to be done in the house, i.e. the kids falling over than my mum coming over. Maybe it wasn't the right choice to leave the house so quick". I said maybe? you can't even apologise for our kids been in harms way?

I am asking for my phone still to just call anyone, I know if I said this to my parents, he'd be hated forever. He said he doesn't know where it is, but had it on the walk with his mum and it isn't a priority for him to find it.

Totally lost, heartbroken and feel i'm reading something out of a trashy magazine, not my normal caring relationship and 5 years happily married. Thank you again for your messages.