What do you think the impact is on under 10s to be socially isolated?

[purplerain44]

I have a DS11 and a DD7 who is currently waiting for an ASD assessment (high-functioning and sociable, but gets very anxious - although surprisingly, is totally blasé about what's happening at the moment).

What do you think the impact will be on her having a possible 6 months or more of barely mixing with any kids her own age? We're all well, but my husband has asthma, and low immunity, so I'm very cautious about going out - which we're not at all at the moment. I'm less worried about my 11 year old, as he has a phone and instant access to all his friends, but my DD? we could do video chats with a friend of hers, but she gets all funny and shy, and doesn't really speak. Her best friend will be at school as her mum's a key worker, but i will try to get them to meet outside at weekends, but even then, it's going to be patchy and they can't really mix or play properly.

Anyone got any ideas on how I can help her? I'm more concerned about this, then about her education to be honest. It must be the same for the vast majority (all really) of kids too.

Thanks

When you do the video chat, have games and activities for them to do. Toys to show each other. Get them to draw each other a picture. Can you challenge them to make a giraffe out of lego? Play connect 4?

It’s really hard for kids to sit and have a conversation with each other (even without ASD), but if you give them something to do while they are on video chat to each other, it is much easier.

We've been 'staying at home' for a week now as one of mine developed a cough on Monday. At first they were thrilled to miss a week of school. But when schools closed, and no date was given for a return, both children (6 and 9) became really anxious. Suddenly they started asking for playdates and even to go to school. I think though many people's focus is on how they will be educating (and entertaining) their children for the next 6 months or so, the real problem is going to be, how are children going to respond to social isolation? What can we do for them to keep their connections going, for continuing social development?

DS (9) has had a phonecall to a friend every evening now, for the last four days. It has been the highlight of his days, and cheered him right up.

As all the grandparents are self-isolating, we will be ensuring daily skype calls - this will benefit both sides!

For DS, we are also planning things like playing chess online with friends while skype chatting, other interactive online games e.g. on brettspielwelt.de (is in English too), Wizards Unite, that kind of stuff.

It is harder for DD (6) since she doesn't talk to people on the phone (not even in video calls). I think what noble says is right, young children don't 'talk' much to each other, they socialise through play. So create that video link, but then organise a game together. One day, we did a dressing-up session with a friend through skype. With other friends, they have been drawing each other pictures with little messages that we (the mums) then photograph and send each other. I am planning on trying a game one of these days, that is meant for outside/in the park or forest, but works indoors as well: There is a set of cards with an adjective on each, and when the card gets drawn, each child needs to try to find an object matching the description. E.g. furry, stripy, tiny, smooth, smelly, yucky, wow! etc. (or you can draw three cards and they have to find something that matches all three descriptions, or there are many other ways to vary this game).

It all seems way too little, but I don't as yet see what we can do more. Any ideas appreciated. Our kids social relations will require a lot more parental input than we are used to, we will be needing to put effort into facilitating things for them, overseeing, coming up with ideas. Most of that social stuff usually happens at school, just like the academic stuff; now that schools are closed (and playdates forbidden) we as parents must take over. The education side doesn't fill me with nearly as much concern as the socialising side! A young child missing 6 months of school education won't be harmed much, can catch up, and will probably be learning other stuff in that time. But the same child being isolated from all other children/peers for the same time, is something that we don't know the effects of, because it very rarely happens!

I've got a very young 13 year old DS with ASD and 14 year old DD. DD is managing fine socially - on group chats with kids from 2 classes at her school, her old grammar school and her old primary friends so she is fine. DS school was his only social activity as he finds it stressful.

It's difficult - he won't use a phone or e-mail or video calls and wants to meet other children around once a year. His also can't use school e-mail or their online system and has asked not to read anything so I will be doing all those. He'll have me and his sister to chat too. He has a pet rabbit and the two of them are inseparable so will be happy enough and we are about to get chickens which he loves so not concerned for mental health and he's very happy at home and can be anxious at school at times. Socially it will be a challenge but will just do things with him, the school work, chatting about things, baking etc.

I have a 3 year old and a one year old. I'm totally supportive of the measures but lack of socialization does worry me.

My son has only recently settled into pre school and has gained a lot of confidence. I hope he doesn't regress

I think it ought to be possible for us to recognize that something may be necessary in extreme situations like this WHILE also recognizing that frankly it is not great for kids and that nobody with any sense would raise their child like this normally.

The social isolation for both children and adults is not something that human society will be able to do for months on end, which is why the timing of these measures is crucial. We may have to have on/off periods in order to make it tolerable, in the manner of a "drug holiday."

Thanks so much for all the replies. yes, i think the key is to facilitate a game while they are on a chat with their friend, Although my DD doesn't really play games (potential ASD), so this may be hard. She does love drawing, so maybe n drawing/ arts and crafts activity could work. It is all about parental input I think, you're all right. There's just so much about how to educate the kids at home, I wonder if we need to think more carefully about facilitating this social aspect.

NHS Inform website states if practising social distancing (not isolation) one or two friends/family at the home is okay as long as nobody is showing symptoms?

NHS Scotland, not NHS Inform website

I'm pretty sure we are not meant to be mixing

Do you have a games console you could hook up online and she could chat/play? DS (6) and some of his friends are allowed to play minecraft and chat together using the online xbox accounts.

All highly supervised with full privacy settings so we know it is only known people he is talking to.

yes, good idea. She loves minecraft but only played on her own so far. Will she be able to talk to her friends the way my DD talks to his friends on fortnite?

Yes the exact same way and they can be in the same game.

@BriefDisaster, thanks, she's just told me that none of her friends have playstation though, so they can't do that unfortunately.

6 months will not hamper childrens socialisation development. They are very resilient creatures. 6 years of this on the other hand we might have a problem.

Start them keeping a diary, words or pictures it doesn't really matter. It's an outlet to get everything out.

Start a structure to the day, define lunch times, break times, movement breaks, whatever schedule they follow in school.
Give them the weekend off.

I understand it won't severely hamper their social development, but for some children, losing the ability to play as they usually do, may impact on their mental health and their confidence, particularly those who had difficulties with social interactions in the first place!

I get the importance of the structure of the day, the writing things down etc. although that feels hard when we also have major work pressures too. But I'm thinking about the fun, the spontaneous things, playing the games - the things they all take for granted at school and playdates.

For a young child, 6 months absolutely could affect their development. For a baby under 1, it'll be more than half the time they've been alive. There isn't much historical precedent for raising huge numbers of young children in such isolation from other children for many months. My own anecdata about cases I've known involving individuals (only-children raised on lonely farms etc.) aren't encouraging. Of course, being isolated from other children for six months is not the same as being isolated from other children for six years or sixteen years. But it wouldn't surprise me if there are some subtle negative effects, albeit much lesser in degree.

Remember the "wire monkey mother" experiments (by Harry Harlow)? These experiments are most famous for showing the importance of mother-baby bonding---baby monkeys reared without mothers or a passable substitute displayed chronically disturbed behavior. But less well known is the fact that Harlow also carried out other experiments in which he tried raising baby monkeys with their mothers but without any peers (i.e., they had no contact with other young or baby monkeys). These monkeys also displayed abnormal development, suggesting that exposure to peers is very important for growing children.

The cohorts who have been through all this will bear watching. I suspect we are going to see elevated rates of things like myopia, screen addiction, sleep issues, allergies/autoimmune issues, vitamin D deficiency and a whole bunch of other things, at the population level. It will certainly tell us some "interesting" stuff about child development---I would even go so far as to say that it'll be a data goldmine.

6 months will definitely affect development! 100% - for a child that’s a very long time.

Seriously there are 400 kids who are diagnosed with leukaemia every year. Treatment for leukaemia is 2 yrs for girls 3 yrs for boys, that's if they're lucky and don't go into relapse and need a bone marrow transplant which means a strict full year of recovery and isolation. Kids like this and many other regularly face isolation, it is hard but there's no choice. My SIL going through this with my DN. I had to do similar for a year with my DS when he was a toddler because he was seriously ill with lung complications. It's hard, it's heartbreaking but it's all or nothing. I'm sorry.

Kids like this and many other regularly face isolation, it is hard but there's no choice.

Yes, we know that. But "it's inevitable for some kids" does not in any way negate the fact that there are probably negative effects on development--the more negative the longer it goes on. Impacts on social development are a well recognized issue for children who have to be isolated for long periods of time due to ill health etc. Which is why nobody raises their child this way unless they are forced into it by illness or unusual social circumstances.

I do have worries for my 8yo. She's just got other a bout of school refusal and anxiety. I think it will be a lot worse come September, if that's when schools are back. The main trigger for the situation was not being in School July (when her school closed) until October half term (when she finally got a school place). That was 3 months of just socialising with her sister, and 90minutes a week at Cubs.

I think there will be long term effects on our children. However it's a rare situation, and modern technology will make it easier.

They will learn to cope with boredom. It will not kill them.

There absolutely will be a huge impact on children’s social and communication skills if this goes on for longer than a few months. I have a 2 year old and am doing everything I can to mitigate it, but having taught early years and studied child development and psychology at MA level I’m under no illusions about the considerable disadvantages that this cohort of preschoolers could potentially face. We are social animals, and especially during this crucial ‘mental wiring’ window extreme social isolation is wholly unnatural and potentially damaging. As a PP said, that’s why it’s crucial we time the social distancing/lockdown measures carefully - it’s just unsustainable long term without massive knock-on effects to development and physical and mental health.

They will learn to cope with boredom. It will not kill them.

It’s not just about boredom - for small children social contact is fundamental for shaping the way the brain works in later life. Small children (under 5s especially) learn through experience and everyday communication with others - tech just won’t cut it for this age group unfortunately (slightly different for older kids and teens, where screens can be used much mote constructively).

I'm sorry but what other choice do you, we, society have? Look at the stats, we're heading to have more deaths than Italy. It's shit, but right now it is literally life or death.

Oh I agree that we don’t have a choice - at least not in the short to medium term. But if, in the absence of a vaccine, social distancing becomes a much longer term situation we need to acknowledge that we are storing up massive problems for the future. Not just all the obvious developmental and health-related stuff, but potentially also an awful lot of intergenerational tension as the young are asked/forced to make huge sacrifices for older generations. Many of them already feel they’ve been shafted, and this will only add fuel to the fire.