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DS determined to stay in his university city rather than with us

5 replies

StartupRepair · 21/03/2020 22:45

We're in Australia. DS ( 21) lives in one city, in a share house with girlfriend and two housemates. We live in another city about 700 ks away. Every instinct in me is to have DS here for the duration. Have also offered to house his girlfriend too. Their uni is going all online from next week.
He is clear and determined that it is better for his mental health to continue to lead his life with his friends rather than with us. They will be careful, they are all smart young people. I am terrified - trying to respect him as a young adult but also want him here if he gets sick. Or if there is a complete breakdown of the health and social systems I think we need to be together.We have a good relationship but he does not want to be trapped in lockdown with us for months.
I am already dealing with the anguish of my elderly mother being the same distance away in another city and this is adding to it. I don't want to be selfish and I can see it is important for his self esteem to see that we believe in him. It is so hard.

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DroppedBoxxedRuth · 21/03/2020 22:48

He's an adult, you need to respect his decision.

I sympathise though, I have 2 DC and selfishly am glad they're young enough to have to stay with us.

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StartupRepair · 22/03/2020 04:14

He is flying back to his uni town tonight. With borders closing he does not want to risk being stuck with us. Very hard letting him go. He said he felt stuck between me and his girlfriend so I realised I had to step back.

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PlanDeRaccordement · 22/03/2020 04:58

I agree he is an adult at 21 and he can safely isolate where he is rather than travel to you. He has friends and a girlfriend, so he is not without support.
I have two DC in their 20s as well and they are not coming to live with us. I still have two DC at home too though (teens) and honestly, if we had a full house again I think we’d get on each other’s nerves after the first week.

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Wanderlust21 · 22/03/2020 05:02

I think he is wise to go back. If you get sick you want to be at home. And right now he considers his home to be there.

My parents want me back but they are both in their 70s now and I would hate to think I might smitt them if I got sick. Your son may feel the same.

I also have my xbox hand other comforts here. Where as back home there isnt even internet. I think I'd go nuts lol.

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thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 22/03/2020 05:38

I live next to two university halls of residences. Despite the uni being shut (I work there) the students are all milling around in large groups with nothing to do - smoking weed in the woods, playing football in the park and getting pissed in the street. Surely such large groups are not a good idea? The uni can't close the halls as they risk leaving people homeless, especially international students so it's a tough one.

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