Anyone else feeling frustrated with the idealism of self isolation when you have no choice but to go out to work?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

My DH is really passionate about self isolating, he’s adamant that apart from shopping he is staying in the house for as long as necessary.

He’s a teacher so is now working from home Mon-Fri (online learning) so although our eldest (6 years old) is entitled to still have a place in school my DH is adamant he wants him at home to keep him, and us, safe.

I however am a nurse, working two days a week, so it’s actually impossible for us to properly isolate. My DH and sons can keep themselves locked away but each day I go to work I risk bringing the virus back home with me.

It just seems so pointless.

My FIL is 70, he lives alone and has a few conditions so understandably he is very anxious and has been self isolating for about 10 days so far. He has admitted he’s worried about living alone, he’s scared that something will happen to him and nobody will know and so he has asked if he can come and stay with us.

We have the room, we have no problems with the concept, but how can he when I’m still in and out to work? He’s far safer at home than living with us but it’s so upsetting to know he’s scared and we have no option but to tell him he has to stay on his own.

It’s just really getting to me.

Me and DH have discussed sleeping apart and having separate bathrooms but let’s be honest, if I get the virus then so will my husband and children.

I feel like there’s no hope for us and it’s just a case of waiting for me, then them, to get it.

Did they not train you on how to DeCon yourself when you go home?

Did they not train you on how to DeCon yourself when you go home?

Of course they did - but if I catch the virus from somebody then no amount of decontamination when I get home is going to stop me passing it on to my DH/DC when we all live together.

Unless families are walking around their homes with masks and gloves on and staying 2m apart from each other all the time?

Does your FIL have a care alarm? I suspect there might be a lot of demand right now but it might be worth trying to get one for some reassurance? That way he has an extra safety net.

You can get ones that detect falls (you were them like a wristwatch) so even if you can't press a button the sensor alerts the care alarm company and if you don't respond they activate their process.

Would daily phone check ins at set times help too?

I do agree with you that he's safer where he is, but I do know how terrifying it can be living alone and realising if something happens to you that it could take days or weeks for anybody to notice.

*You wear them

Yep! Both of us are police officers. I feel like absolute shit exposing my son to this. Not only through the job we do, but with also having to send our son into nursery. I had to do a prison visit this morning and sit in the same room as around 100 people. I can’t self-isolate as much as I want to. I feel like a terrible parent and person at the moment.

We’re in a similar situation. DP is now working from home, and is keen isolating and only going out to shop. Dds are home from school, could go in, but there’s no need and I’d rather they didn’t if they don’t have to.

I however work in our local hospital. I am AHP rather than nursing staff, but still front line ward based, I’ll be expected to step up and care for CV patients when the time comes.

So in my mind, we are probably going to get it at some point no matter what.
The important thing is not to pass it on to those who are vulnerable. So I won’t be seeing either set of parents for the foreseeable. As hard as it is, it’s best your FIL stays at home. Just make sure you call regularly.

Did they not train you on how to DeCon yourself when you go home?

No, I haven’t been trained, how do I ?

Can you live at FILs alone while he lives with your DH and DC?

Did they not train you on how to DeCon yourself when you go home?

Seriously? No amount of decontaminating is going to help if you caught it while at work 🤦‍♀️

I agree with you OP. He shouldn't move in with you.

Does FIL live locally? Is it too late for him to move in with DH and the DC and you live in his place?

You can still ring FIL every day. That may give him some reassurance

Thank you everyone who understands.

He lives very close to us but I couldn’t bear to live apart from my two children - they are only 2 and 6

Plus my husband drives me to work and back on one of my shifts so he would still have to be in close contact with me, and then close contact with my FIL and children.

It’s so hard because we know that self isolating is the safest thing for our family but we simply don’t have the option to do it.

I feel like a lamb to the slaughter, alongside the rest of my colleagues. We are just sitting ducks really and it’s just a matter of time until we get it and then pass it on to those we live with.

I just feel so guilty.

I know you would miss your DC but it’s about keeping them and DH safe. I’m sure you could sort out alternative transport too.

@Imapotato exactly!

It’s so hard because we know that self isolating is the safest thing for our family but we simply don’t have the option to do it

In the same situation, it's so hard. You have my sympathy. There's no way to make a good decision either.

I'm at-risk, dh is high-risk, I work in a school (with students). All weekend I've been balancing the risk of getting sick with the risk of us getting evicted. It's got to be one or the other. (In AU, no freeze on evictions here).

There's no real support for teachers. Best of luck.

Personally, I would take him in. He knows the risks. I couldn’t leave my children at a time like this.

I can’t leave my children - this could go on indefinitely. It can’t be expected that all key workers live apart from their children

There’s just no right answer. It feels like life is a lottery at the moment