To go or not to go?

[BrutusMcDogface]

Without outing myself (hopefully), I have a family funeral on Monday, which involves a very long drive and a hotel stay.

Do I go? I just can’t decide what to do for the best

I can see the dilemma, but I don't think I would go, in the current climate.

Italy had 800 deaths today. There are lots of people in the UK who are having to self-isolate even though their father/mother sister has just died. We have collective responsibility so no, I wouldn't go tough as that is.

Depends how big it’ll be. Sadly the last funeral I went to was very small and I had a pew to myself. If it’ll be similar there’s probably less risk. Or go but stand at back and don’t do wake?

I'd give it a miss. Hopefully the family will postpone the wake/hold a memorial at a later date and you can get to that.

Thank you. My instincts are saying stay at home but omg my heart is broken 💔

Yes, stay at home. You could do something yourself to remember the deceased somehow?

No, I would not go.

You've got to be pragmatic, as hard as it is.

Have you been in touch with anyone else who should be going to see what the consensus is?

Sorry, but no. We all need to be responsible right now. I'm sorry for your loss though.

Thank you, Worried 💐

I think they’re still going (family) but not sure if that’s all of them. Think some are just going to the service. However, they haven’t got a 800 mile round trip to make and a hotel stay.......

So sorry op. No I wouldn't be going and I'm sure your family will understand. As someone suggested do something yourself. This can be something as simple as lighting a candle and thinking about them.

I'm sorry for your loss and that you're in this situation.

I know there's been talk of video streaming but I was thinking today that perhaps the way some of us can try to cope with potentially not being able to attend or hold "proper" funerals will be to hold memorial services at a later date.

Not the same, not ideal, but it might bring the comfort of feeling we had the opportunity to say goodbye and mark/celebrate/honour someone's life in the way we would have wanted and with other people. Being able to listen to the music and readings we would have wanted for the person we loved, and to be able to do so with other people who loved them and/or us.

I know for me it made a difference being able to see the people who had come to my mum's funeral and feel their care for her and us. I can't know for sure obviously but my gut feeling is that even if it had been a year later I still would have been helped by having that gathering together experience, compared to never at all.

Hoping things are different in a year from now, maybe a memorial would be possible then? Or on a birthday instead of anniversary - I know a few people who have used different dates for memorials.

While the funeral is happening is there somewhere quiet outdoors local to you where you could go for a walk or a sit to say goodbye and remember? Just a thought in case trying to do something in your own home feels too sad/overwhelming.