Coronavirus and contact/rp/nrp issues

[30not13]

What plans and arrangements have others made for contact with their children? Looking for answers from both sides.. rp and nrp.

How have conversations gone with your exes?

I know I need to have the talk and soon but ex is a gas lighting emotional abuser and I'm dreading it. He will turn it into beingvall about him and what a victim he is and how I'm keeping them apart for spurious reasons.

I dont trust him to not socialise with others when DC with him. Also complicated in my opinion by exes parents both have previously had heart attacks and one is diabetic although neither are over 70.

I just want to keep my dc isolated here with me tbh! But realise that for DC's normality contact needs to carry on (the usual eow) somehow.

Tbh I’m unsure. My ex lives on an island, kids are due to go to his for the Easter break. I think it’s too risky, we’re already in isolation atm and if things get any worse they could stop the ferries and the kids would be stuck up there for god knows how long.

But we’ve a court order in place so I’m unsure if refusing to let them go means I can be prosecuted for not following the order. I’ve offered extra time in the summer (when the virus is supposed to dwindle for a while) which has been shot down, just don’t want my kids stuck there and not able to get home again.

Might be worth seeking legal advice? That’s my plan on Monday!

To clarify in my situation there is no court order. I hadnt even thought if the implications for those with.

My OH is also an nrp to add to the mix, so there's both sides to consider with us of what is reasonable.

Mine has chosen not to keep up his contact as he doesn't 'want to change his life because it's all bollocks'. Good.

Blimey!

Just a wee bump, really could do with some guidance :)

Bumping again embarrassingly!
Surely I cant be the only one with questions around this matter?

I'm in a similar situation. DS came home from his dad's yesterday and I've since found out that their household isn't following any social distancing advice let alone isolating. I'm heavily pregnant and worried that if anyone in my house shows symptoms I'll end up having to give birth without my partner. Really want to keep DS isolated with me now but the gaslighting and abuse I'll get is terrifying me. And DS will understandably be gutted to not see his dad but I just can't trust him to do the right thing. Ex has a dsd who is still going out to see her dad and they're all out as a family picking up shopping whereas I've managed to book delivery slots well in advance. Although who knows what will actually turn up!
Sorry, no help at all but I think I just needed a rant

I'm really sorry you're in this position, Hopeful and you too, 30. Another bump for you (I started a thread but more for a rant than advice).
I'm lucky in that my ex is feckless enough to see the silver lining in this: that he gets to avoid time with our daughter as I'm being cautious whereas he was in pubs until they were physically closed down. He gets to go around whinging that I'm 'stopping him from seeing his daughter' (he isn't bothered really) and I get to know DD is safe with me.

Hi OP.
I’m the rp to our son, he goes to his dads once a week for a night.
We have strict boundaries, he is not to take him out, other than for a walk, not to take him to anybodies else’s house, to report to my instantly if either of them develop any symptoms.
I’m a nhs nurse so will likely bring the virus into the house at some point, his dad works in retails, same applies.

I'm starting to think this is a situation where feckless ex's could actually be a bonus! Mine 'doesn't trust me to do what's best for DS' but what that really means is that he's convinced his way is the only way. He'll probably try to insist that if I'm that worried then DS should isolate there with him (and his dsd for company) but of course that if that happens he shouldn't be paying any maintenance!

In an ideal world I'd actually be happy for DS to go between both houses as long as we were isolating in the same way and travel was by car only. I just can't trust him to stick to that now

You're right, Hopeful. Manipulative, conniving people will always try to use any situation as an opportunity. Unfortunately this situation we're all finding ourselves in is open to being abused as it's unprecedented, and confusing enough that the guidelines are 'open to interpretation', and common sense goes out the window.

All I can do is communicate only by text/email so that it's all in writing and make sure I stay calm. I'm sure his anger issues will emerge and then hopefully he'll shoot himself in the foot and I'll actually have evidence of it instead of him twisting everything into me being being a shitty parent