Will your relationship survive the shutdown?

[Greenhairannie]

Just wondering how people feel about how their relationships will fair with being stuck indoors together all the time or at least a lot more for the foreseeable future?

My husband and I are sociable people. Normally we see family at weekends, visit friends have people round for dinner, go to concerts or cinema, attended separate hobbies, see separate friends, share childcare, go to work all on a weekly basis, even taking separate trips several times a year. In fact I’d say that the majority of the time we spend together is either in the company of others or when we are out for a meal, concert or film. If we’re just in at night we tend to do our own thing.

In the scope of our normal life this is fine, it works for us because we both love to socialise, but now being stuck in all the time, no where to go nobody to see, well we didn’t sign up for this!

My sister who is opposite to me an introvert, a real homebody, no kids says it’s no real change for her although she will miss seeing our parents and friends but she’s used to just being at home with her husband and her hobbies are things she can do alone or with her husband.

I’m not saying my husband and I are at each other’s throats but just that our relationship was built on something that is now taken away from us and I’m not sure I know how we work without it?

Hopefully this will all be over in a few weeks.

Me and my partner haven’t gone out much in the last 6 months due to two job losses (he finally got one two months ago but it looks like that’s a goner too).

We used to go out to eat 3/4 times a week, separate hobbies, separate friends etc. The few months have been bloody hard but now I must admit it’s getting awkward. We both have very different tastes in tv/films - I’ll happily potter around/read/play an instrument whereas he’s playing his games 24/7. We live together but don’t see each other much in our own home. Last night we tried to do ‘date night’ inside but the film he picked thinking that I’d like was shit and I preferred being on MN and the series I thought we both could get into went down like a lead weight. He’s suggested that once a week we take turns to show the other our favourite films and we put the phones on the table. I’d rather watch paint dry.

I’m wondering the same... don’t live with my bf and we are not going to be able to see each other for three months minimum.

In theory that may not be the end of the world but in practice it changes the rules of engagement completely: our relationship was built on the basis of our shared enjoyment of various social things as we are both fairly extrovert. He is shit on the phone and in the 10 days since I have seen him I already feel our relationship is drifting.

So glad I don’t live with him tbh. I think corona will demonstrate to a lot of people the worst points about cohabitating.

Will need to redefine things when we do get out of isolation.

I can definitely relate to this, me and my husband have a very similar dynamic and value our time apart (in the nicest way possible!).

We had a baby 8 weeks ago however so have spent a lot more time at home together anyway than we usually would..so far it doesn’t feel like too much of a transition but I’m going to really miss seeing friends, family, baby groups etc. Not complaining as I know this is serious stuff but I think it will definitely put a lot of relationships to the test!

We’re going to try and find lots of nice walks we can go on and (isolated) days out, both together and taking our daughter separately if one of us needs a breather!

I don't think mine will survive this to be honest.

I've just walked the dog around the block, I didn't see a soul but in one front garden there were 4 or 5 people having an awful row, punches were flying, it wasn't pleasant and I feel it could be a growing problem 😫

I think the divorce rate will go up.

We are both introverts who work from home so it's largely business as usual for us! We luckily have a fairly big house so we each have our own 'rooms' to get space as well as our joint living spaces. But I can imagine what a shock to the system it will be for people who aren't used to spending so much time in an enclosed space! I think the key is to give each other space to do their own stuff and not feel that because you're both around you need to always be together and doing stuff together. Going into another room and closing the door for a few hours to read or watch something on your own is totally valid!

I think it will be so difficult for many families and relationships, the divorce rate will soar for sure.

It good to know I’m not alone in feeling this way, just need some strategy to stop things falling apart in the next few weeks!

Yes I think it could be more difficult that normal. We live in a flat with too young teen DC

I am reminding myself he has a place he works in separate from anyone else which is good so he can go there for respite, like a man shed type thing!

I can also go out for walks if not to the gym which used to be my 'place of escape'

So, I think you need to find ways of escaping and having alone time perhaps

Yes, I feel very lucky. 18 years together and there’s still nobody I would rather be locked down with.

I’m going to say yes, he will miss sports but I think (will check) that he can still go out for runs at the moment so that will help him, I’m just glad I’m not stuck with my family! I love them don’t get me wrong but my parents are difficult to live with!

The most testing thing will be the newborn we are due in a few weeks. The lack of sleep will make us argue but we’ve always found trying times have made us stronger as a couple, and I hope that will continue to be the case!

@galoopnorth, thats great but missing the point a bit, my marriage is good but built on something different. I don't want to be on lockdown with anyone, I need to be social to stay sane. Same with my kids, I love them but I didn't sign up to be at home with them all the time! I was always a working mum.

I fully realise that people with rocky or abusive relationships are in a much worse position than I am.

Yep. We’ve survived worse. I don’t know if he’s coming home yet, but if he does it will be fine.

He was home for 8 weeks over Christmas, towards the end we were completely shitty with each other, but eventually developed a polite “fuck off now” shorthand.

We'll be fine - I wouldn't describe us as introverts exactly, we like socialising too, but happy to take the foot off the pedal for a few weeks / months and hunker down at home with the DC.

I am in a Long Distance relationship, he lives 8 hours away by plane. He was meant to be coming over this month. We haven't seen each other in a year and obviously we were both looking forward to it. It won't happen now.

The strain of being far away from one another is taking its toll on us as it is, but his country are not handling it as well as ours is in terms of supporting their citizens. He is out of a job and will get nothing to help him financially and healthcare over there is abysmal at the best of times.

To say all this is testing our relationship is an understatement.

Myself and dh are practising social distancing. He's in one room playing xbox and I'm in another chilling on my phone :-)

Not sure - I just bit Dh’s head off for opening a new bottle of squash and a new box of eggs when there are old ones open of each 🤣.

I have apologised but am forgiving myself (even if he isn’t) because I, like many, have had a horrible week of stress and worry.

I think we’ll be ok though. So long as he follows the food rationing protocol that I’ve imposed. 😈

Another LDR here; he's in Madrid, i am 6 hours away by plane. It is just sad and i worry.

He is also not a chatter, which is fine when we see each other once a month and my life is hectic, but being home in quarantine with 3 kids makes me feel bloody needy and shit.

One of the key sticking points with my bf at the moment is that he just seems really behind the curve in terms of responding to coronavirus and seems not to have taken on board how scary it is for me.

I have a 9 year old DD with asthma and I've effectively been in near self-isolation for almost two weeks. He's been working out of the home until fairly recently and isn't in a high risk category and until the last couple of days hasn't really been social distancing. I can't say he's been reckless exactly has he's more or less followed the government guidelines but he just doesn't seem to want to acknowledge or accomodate the fact that I need to take it very seriously.

Whenever I try to talk to him about anything relating to this, politics, health etc, he just sends silly bog roll memes. I've called him on it a couple of times and he shrugs and says everyone processes things differently.

I know people are managing their stress and fear in different ways but I just think a grown man ought to be sufficiently in touch with his emotions to be able to acknowledge that we're in a crisis directly without having to turn absolutely everything into a joke.

Call me high maintenance.

I just think its one of these flashpoints that underlines how fucking emotionally backward men can be and how the older I get and the more I value my life the less I want to pander to it.

Yeah.

We are amazingly anti-social anyway in our house, and hugely practised at ignoring one another whilst getting on with our own thing.

Yes, we will.

We have enough room in our house to be alone if necessary, plus a garden. As we have a dog, someone needs to walk him daily so the plan is to alternate that so we each get time alone outside and inside the house.

We also have a fair bit of DIY and renovations that need doing so we'll probably spend a fair bit of time painting and finishing off our living room!

I'm worried my partner (staff nurse) won't survive... I'm sure you and your husband can cope without the cinema. I know this sounds shitty and everyone is worried and scared but honestly, if I could wrap us both up and stay on the couch for the rest of the year I would. Everyone needs to adapt, get some perspective and develop coping strategies. If that involves sitting in separate rooms so be it.

We both like being at home. We already work from home at the same time at least one or two days a week. No major money stress but I am still close to locking him in the front garden he's irritating me so much.

@ashmts of course most of us understand that families with those exposed on the frontline are suffering and facing much greater risks, I totally understand and yes it does put things into perspective. Having said that this is an open discussion board we’re all entitled to our own concerns, fears and frustrations and to use these boards as a way find support.