Separated parents

[Snookies]

Anyone out here that is separated and ex partner wants to see the kids?

My children go to their dads every weekend. They will continue going until we are told otherwise. A change of scenery will do them the world of good too.

It's difficult DC have been really unwell this week and exdh lives with his dm who is firmly in the vulnerable group ( I detest the woman with every fibre if my being but I draw the line at risking her actual life). I've had to pause contact for this weekend which hasn't gone down very well. Fortunately we are not court ordered and exdh isn't a total arse.

Ultimately though it was genuinely a choice of my DC safety and others v exdh feelings. So there was no contest in the end.

My ex wants to see our ds this weekend but ds doesn't want to so easy decision for me. Ds is 15 though.

Ex has chosen to stay with new gf and her kids despite being in the vulnerable group so ds chose to not see any of them.

Mine are going between houses by car with both houses isolating

Mine aren't seeing their dad at the moment as he is self isolating due to a cough but if both are healthy then he is going to take them on his days off to stay at his so i can work.

My children's time is split evenly with me and their Dad during term time. They were due to come back to me on Wednesday but his partner developed symptoms and they are self isolating there.
Going to be a very long 2 weeks

Right to see your kids trumps the chance you will get what for the vast majority is a very mild illness. Assuming both parents are social distancing and nobody in either household is in vulnerable category

Also stops you and kids going stir crazy. You get a break. They get a change of scenery

You are supposed to stay in the house you normally live in with the people you normally live with and not go out.

DP has told DSD that he can't see her in person for a while. We have no reason to leave the house as DP WFH and I'm a SAHM. DSD's Mother and Stepdad are still going out to work so if DP was to see DSD there's a chance he could catch the virus from DSD or her parents.

DP and DSD have plenty of Skype calls, use WhatsApp and play online games together. There's plenty of contact without them seeing each other.

Well I am now working from home. Son lives with me. Dad is in flat but his partner lives with her daughters separate. They are still seeing each other. Son suppose to be with dad two days a week. Dad wants to take our son and his new set up out next Friday. I said no

My dc are going between the two houses. They go from my house, into my car, then 5 minutes down the road and into ex’s house. Likewise on the way back. There is no risk to anyone except us as a family unit, which is no different than if we lived together in one house, and it means we all get a break - the dc from me, a change of scenery for them every few days, and so on.

The dc are all struggling with the loss of routine from school ending (they have ASD) so keeping this routine is important in that respect too, as well as them seeing that their dad is also someone who can cope, look after them when life is ‘going wrong’ (as they see it)

You are supposed to stay in the house you normally live in with the people you normally live with and not go out

DSS normally lives with us 45% of the time. It’s not straightforward for everyone.

DS is still going to his dad's as normal. Ex picks him up in the car and goes straight home then drops him back at the door.

I'm not at risk and neither is DS or ex, and neither of us live with anyone in an at risk group. So as long as ex keeps DS at home during the visits we are carrying on the routine until told otherwise.

I think that is where I have a problem as ex is not keeping to himself. Otherwise I would be ok and not panicking. I want to keep us safe as much as I can

I have 50/50 custody (every other week) for my two boys. I'm also 30 weeks' pregnant. I can guarantee my ex-husband is going to kick off on Monday (extra stress I really don't need right now) so we have the Court Order and Barrister's email at the ready in case we need police involvement (he has previous form). Wish me luck...

I hear you. Good luck and stay strong and save

There is a fair amount of misunderstanding here and confusing social distancing and social isolation.

@Greendin You are supposed to stay in the house you normally live in with the people you normally live with and not go out
This is social isolation. This is what you need to do if you have symptoms (for 7 days) or if you live with someone with symptoms (for 14 days) or if you are in a vulnerable group. If you/ your family are not in any of these (and you don't mention this being the case) then this is not necessary.

Social distancing, which is what we are all recommended to do (in the absence of symptoms / living with someone with symptoms/ bring in a vibrant group) means minimising social contact. This is not to protect just you, but also to allow down the spread of covid-19 so the health service isn't overwhelmed. This does NOT mean never leaving the house, it means go to work unless you can work from home, shop for essentials, with the aim to minimise contact with anyone outside your immediate family. Locking your family up indefinitely is not necessary, and if both households are being responsible about this and don't meet any of the criteria for needing to isolate there is no reason why children can't see both parents.

Of course this is a rapidly evolving situation, and this advice may change, including potential lockdown (self isolation for everyone without written permission) but unless you have a really good reason not to I think it's important for children to be able to see both parents while they can.

I'm an NHS doctor who has been hugely involved in the planning for our covid response where I work so I'm not talking bollocks

bring in a vibrant group.

No autocorrect. BEING in a VULNERABLE group

I suspect quite a few people will try and use this as an excuse for children not to see their ex.

No one is self isolating. Seeing your other parent is really important.

@PurpleDaisies I agree. My ex is a controlling and nasty man and will be rubbing his hands in glee if he thinks he can keep my boys away from me for up to 21 days.

If anyone needs support let me know - I'm more than happy to forward on the email from my barrister regarding this 😊

Me and exh share care evenly and will continue to do so until it's prevented. Even in lockdown I anticipate being able to transport them between houses. It's important to keep their lives as normal as possible while the rest of the world goes crazy! But we had an amicable split and get on fine enough

I don't want to keep our son locked at home. We will go out as well. I also want him to go to his father which will give me a break as well and will make working from home in those days much easier.
What I am worried about is that he and his new partner don't live together in the same household. They are moving between both. She is still going to work. Her kids are moving between her house and her ex husbands.
I understood it as yes kids are fine moving between their both homes as it is immediate family but not playing with other children and otherwise restrict contact where possible

My dd's dad lives with his parents one of over 80 and has cancer the other nearly that age and heavy smoker.

I have said they won't be seeing him f2f because of the risk to them. When I told him why he just went 'oh' he is still going out and I know his mum wen out yesterday - wonder why I bothered!

You need to have an adult conversation with your ex and agree what works for everyone... Its not a one way street and both parents have equal rights

I think that people who have 50/50 contact may soon have to make a decision that one parent has the child and the other won't see them for a while.

We're talking about saving people's lives and preventing deaths here. It's not forever, the adults need to grow up. Have you read the main news stories on Sky News today?

Also no new court cases are being opened at the moment. I don't think anyone will be able to go to court to argue access anytime soon.

@Greendin With respect, I feel it's hard for people to make that statement unless they are a parent who has to endure 50/50.

My boys have had to suffer it since they were 3 and 6 - they are now 12 and almost 10.

My ex-husband is an abusive narcissist who has already caused my eldest huge anxiety issues and is using the coronavirus to make it worse.

For example, he has told him that I am "too poor" to stockpile for at least one month like he can, that he has five bathrooms in his house when we have only got one, that his baby sister will certainly die if I catch the virus.

I am 30 weeks' pregnant so obviously feeling mentally not great at all and not going put for at least another 11 weeks.

Unlike my ex I am a qualified primary tether who is best placed to home educate both boys. My ex is refusing to work with either of them as he runs his own business.

Can you even begin to understand the emotional and mental impact on myself or my two young boys if I couldn't see them for up to 18 months, if not longer? Their sister is due end of May - so they can't see her until she is a toddler?

Whilst I fully appreciate the severity of the situation, it would honestly kill me if this were to happen.