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Original poster

Children visiting their other parent?

29 replies

endofacentury · 21/03/2020 05:58

What are people doing about their child visiting their other parent? My child's other parent lives in another town with his other kids and wife and I don't want her going there and mixing with them and then coming back to us.

He hasn't even mentioned it to me, but would it be unfair for her not to go when they can still FaceTime each other as she is a teenager?

OP posts:
Marieo · 21/03/2020 06:01

I would facetime, we really need to stop going out.

Original poster
endofacentury · 21/03/2020 06:04

Thank you. That is my preference

OP posts:
Duchessofealing · 21/03/2020 06:07

We are still sharing contact. They are our children not just mine and as we are all in effective social lock down they are seeing a couple of extra people, who are also all at home. I don’t like it, but it’s the right thing to do for the children. If they bring it home to me or take it home to their dad then that’s the risk we feel we need to take. Mine are younger though, and none of us are high risk. I couldn’t have my primary aged children either not seeing me or not seeing their dad for possibly months on end.

okiedokieme · 21/03/2020 06:08

Unless your child is vulnerable to infection specifically, cutting them off from their parents and half siblings for months on end is disproportionate assuming the other family are not socialising as long as they are transported by car to and from

Original poster
endofacentury · 21/03/2020 06:12

Well I am high risk, and child's father is still going out to work and mixing with others so that is my concern

OP posts:
Marieo · 21/03/2020 06:17

We are in a global pandemic, thousands of us will die because people can't grasp the fact we should only be going out for work or to buy essentials. Nothing else. Thankfully lockdown soon will enforce this. The guidance is don't go to any home that you aren't happy to isolate for 14 days in. Talk to him, yes it will be sad, but please don't.

Duchessofealing · 21/03/2020 06:19

If I were you I’d look at it as though it were the other way around and as though you were only FaceTiming your child? If you’re ok with that then fair enough - there is not a chance I would be and I wouldn’t expect my ex to be either. All you can do is have a conversation with him and tell him your fears and try to come to an agreement (including your teenager).

Original poster
endofacentury · 21/03/2020 06:23

Duchess what about the advice about staying at home? Are you ignoring that then

OP posts:
Nicelunch25 · 21/03/2020 06:31

I have 2 exes and 3 kids. Both exes in new relationships with women with kids and both still going to work. I've been keeping kids at home for a week now. My eldest is asthmatic so high risk and both exes have agreed to stay in touch with FaceTime and Skype. It's not ideal but I feel it's the least worst thing for my son and something that will be enforced eventually anyway with a lockdown. Ex number 2 was abusive so I was very worried about a lockdown happening On his time. He put up a big fight but I stood my ground and he's agreed to stay in touch with FaceTime.

Duchessofealing · 21/03/2020 06:33

My children are at home, they have two homes. If they have to isolate at their dads or mine they are still at home Hmm

nowmorethanever · 21/03/2020 06:34

I couldn’t have my primary aged children either not seeing me or not seeing their dad for possibly months on end.

My (very nice) ex is in the high risk category and lives in another town. Thank heavens for Skype, but it’s rough. I don’t know how long it will be until he can hug our kids again Sad

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 21/03/2020 06:36

Duchess what about the advice about staying at home? Are you ignoring that then

The reality is your children have two homes.

Original poster
endofacentury · 21/03/2020 06:37

No need for the face duchess. My child is in year 10 and has a lot of work to do, I don't want her being stuck in another town without all her things that she needs to study. If you're happy to keep spreading go for it

OP posts:
Original poster
endofacentury · 21/03/2020 06:37

My child doesn't have 2 homes. She has one home where she lives for 29 nights a month. 2 nights a month she visits her dad

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 21/03/2020 06:42

We're still sharing contact and will continue to do so. The advice is you CAN go out for walks, but to stay 2m from anyone else.
Stands to reason that if you can still do that you can bundle kids in a car and take them to their other home, not passing Go or not collecting £200.
Of course I realise things are not as simple for many families. We are lucky, ex and I are still friends.

GaraMedouar · 21/03/2020 06:44

I was wondering the same thing. My DD is 9 and sees her dad normally twice a week for a few hours. She never stays at his (his choice) - I was wondering what to do - maybe as weather is now nicer he can take her out for a walk or something in the fresh air. Her dads girlfriend runs a hotel and as far as I know it’s still open so they are coming into contact with lots of people. So I wouldn’t really want DD going back there at the moment.

Chasingsquirrels · 21/03/2020 06:47

Guidance at the moment, to all groups, is that it is not advised to have friends and family to your home.
My children have 2 homes, but moving to the other home would contravene the above guidance.
They aren't going.

GratitudeGoddess · 21/03/2020 06:49

I really wish that we would go on lockdown. My ex said that he was "self isolating" but is still going to the pub. Thankfully last night is the last night he can do that. He wants to see his child before we go into lockdown. We've all got colds including my ex. I just don't know what to do. I'm also a key worker and will get called into work and then my child would have to go to nursery.

pollysproggle · 21/03/2020 06:58

We have been semi self isolating for a week now. Apart from food shops and one walk around the woods. No one has been ill that we know of and we are well and I'd like to keep it that way.
I'm taking it all very seriously, 6 months pregnant too. I can keep track of my own household but when it comes to ex, his gf and child although not ill I don't want to risk my DS bringing anything back so he's staying put.

Standinguptononsense · 21/03/2020 07:03

I'm facing a similar situation, my DH and 2ds went into self isolation last Tuesday as he has symptoms (cough) as a houehold we needed to self isolate for 14 days. I explained this to exh (over email he only wants non verbal xomms) and I've seen been inundated with emails suggesting they are only guidelines, I'm hiding behind them ans stopping him see the boys. He has even threatened court action if i dont return them when he demands. Meanwhile hes continuing to work (not a key worker) and has been going to the pub.

peekaboob · 21/03/2020 08:20

I'd either like my DPs son here for the next few weeks or not at all. My kids are with their dad this weekend and he is keeping them in. He is wfh.
DD has an operation on her airways soon so I am trying to limit risk to her as well as other hospital patients prior to and after the op.
DPs ex has decided she is a key worker so is sending son to school as well as moving in with her new partner and his kids who are also going to school as he is a single parent....and it's a different school to DPs son Confused

BandB2019 · 21/03/2020 08:29

What are all the abbreviations here? DD? DP? DC? I can't place the context?

Living with parents as enduring divorce. Dad suffers heart problems. Husband just an idiot. Court order Sunday each week. Know he's been out and business as usual this week. We've been isolating for all week. The order means I have to make son available. What do I do! Risk!

bananapyjama · 21/03/2020 08:43

I think we will have to cancel the next planned visit to DD's dad.

I'm pregnant so not going in to work or mixing with my own friends or family. Ex will still be working, and probably not isolating / distancing. Plus he takes her for days out as his home isn't child-friendly. Plus it's miles away and he doesn't drive. Just too complicated at the moment. I'm sure he'll be disappointed but it's an unusual circumstance for everyone at the moment.

Original poster
endofacentury · 21/03/2020 09:31

I've spoken to my daughter's dad this morning and he agrees that daughter should stay with me. They are going to FaceTime each other regularly

OP posts:
Wannabangbang · 21/03/2020 09:38

We will be doing facetime, just watched a video on sky news about Lonmbardy and if that's anything to go by im taking it very very seriously. They now have people in their 30s and 40s critical aswell as the elderley. I want my kids to keep their mother so i don't want any extra germs in my house or my kids visiting their father. He lives with 3 other men that work and socialise. I can't risk it

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