Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

Original poster

Ex using isolation to stop me from seeing my children

19 replies

Throwaway2468 · 20/03/2020 18:54

hi, I was hoping someone could give me some opinions on this please.
My ex and I share residency of 2 children, they’re currently with him for a couple of days.
He says he is in a high risk group and is going to need to self isolate. He says this means the children cannot travel between our two houses. He wants them to stay with him for 6 weeks and then me for 6 weeks.
To me this seems completely over the top, our situation is very complicated. He is very controlling and happily badmouths me to the children. He has taken me to court numerous times in an attempt to take full ‘custody’ of the children. I feel he is using this as an opportunity to remove them from me.
Am I wrong to think that what he is proposing is extreme and unneeded?

OP posts:

lemonsandlimes123 · 20/03/2020 18:58

It actually sounds sensible as continuing to move them will exponentially increase risk for all of you. This isn't a time for your adult differences to impact on the health of the whole family.

LochJessMonster · 20/03/2020 18:59

I think it’s sensible as long as the children are happy to spend 6 weeks at each place.
It greatly reduces the risk of catching and spreading the virus to each side of the family.

cakeandchampagne · 20/03/2020 18:59

He is high risk, so he needs to self-isolate alone.
Contact the police if he won’t give them back.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/03/2020 19:00

I've stopped my ex from seeing the kids for the time being, he is in a vulnerable group, as is our daughter, it's totally understandable he wants to minimise any risks. I get its shit for you, but this is completely unexpected and it's really difficult knowing what to do for the best at the moment.

Jabba2020 · 20/03/2020 19:01

It sounds like the safest option for all concerned and a 50/50 split seems fair. Try and ask if you face time every other day and you will allow him the same. The safety of your children and you as parents is paramount.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/03/2020 19:01

The police wont do anything ,it's a civil matter.

BeetrootRocks · 20/03/2020 19:04

'He has taken me to court numerous times in an attempt to take full ‘custody’ of the children. I feel he is using this as an opportunity to remove them from me.'

Yeah this doesn't sound like his reasons are what he's giving.

I did wonder how this would work with separated parents it's going to be awful for a host of reasons.

Starlight456 · 20/03/2020 19:06

6 weeks of self isolating with children when not required is crazy. Does he have a support system in for food , a garden for fresh air? We also don’t know the age of these children

FlopsRevenge · 20/03/2020 19:11

Gosh, I'm sorry. It's really hard. I'm in a similar situation and me and my ex are doing something similar, where our usual pattern has gone out the window to keep everyone safe.

I think the thing is that I haven't been pushed into anything, which makes it easier. I imagine your ex will be going stir crazy with the kids for 6 weeks in isolation though. Why not leave him to it, he'll probably cave in after 2...

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 20/03/2020 19:23

Thanks for the replies, I am trying to get my head round it
We’re due back in court again sometime in the next couple of months, he recently made an application to the court for full residency of our son and told them I was abusive. This was completely untrue and has been dismissed by cafcass and the judge.
I feel he wants to take advantage of this time to set a precedent. Our son is in year 6, due to go to high school in September.
I think if he has him for these few weeks , he will use that to argue that our son should stay with him

OP posts:

PrincessMargaret · 20/03/2020 19:28

2 weeks for self isolation is sufficient. He is just trying it on.

JanewaysBun · 20/03/2020 19:41

I would keep both kids with me for now tbh. He sounds controlling and like he might not give them back, I don't think courts will sit for a while ....

Doyoumind · 20/03/2020 19:47

Sounds like some PPs don't have experience of a controlling ex. He's trying it on. Do not agree to it.

If the DC have been at school they shouldn't now see him for at least a week if he is so vulnerable. Make sure they don't come into contact with anyone and then they can spend a week with him. There is no good reason at all for it to be 6 weeks.

Lilypods · 20/03/2020 19:51

Where are the children at the moment?

RoseAndRose · 20/03/2020 19:54

2 weeks for self isolation is sufficient. He is just trying it on

It is 12 weeks (minimum) if you are in the vulnerable group which needs to be shielded

Is his claim that he is in a high risk group plausible?

Because if so, his plan that (as they are now sharing exposure) they stay with him for half the current length of isolation for his category is very likely to be seen as reasonable. They then go to you for the next six weeks. If the shielding group is told to extend their isolation, it might not be safe for DC to go back to him for several more weeks (unless the family quarantines for 24 days before handover)

Windyatthebeach · 20/03/2020 19:57

Realistically will he want them cooped up alone for very long despite his threats?
I would be tempted to call his bluff.
Tell him you have found a cheap spa hotel to self isolate in....

HavenDilemma · 20/03/2020 20:02

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Actually yes they a I'll if he's in breach of a court arrangement order OR He isn't on the birth certificate. Both are classed as abduction

day1intheisolationhouse · 20/03/2020 20:03

The kids don't need to self isolate, he does.

If they're with you, you can at least get them out for exercise etc.

If they're with him they'll be totally limited by his self isolation.

Go pick them up, I would. Will he hand them over, do you think?

Original poster

Throwaway2468 · 21/03/2020 00:41

Hi no he wouldn’t hand them over, he’d make a scene. I can see that he may genuinely need to isolate but I think it’s very unfair on children who are not high risk.
I’ll read up more on the guidelines and try to convince him that it is unfair to keep them cooped up with him, basically to keep him company

OP posts:

Flip