Relationships where you don’t live together?

[Izzybuzzybuzzybees]

Are we allowed to go to their house? Or is that it, you don’t see them for the foreseeable?

I can’t be the only one in this situation?

I am in this situation and I am torn. I have kids who are currently with me but even when they go back to their Dad I am not sure I want to see him as he's still be going into the city to work. Not seeing him for weeks on end will kill me though :(

I’m in this situation.

We haven’t seen each other since last Friday and aren’t seeing each other for the foreseeable future. It was me who said it first, this evening; but he agrees.

I’ve been weeping about it all day. Not because I can’t bear a short separation but out of fear about him being ok, me being ok, our children.

I just want to give him a hug so badly. BUT it isn’t worth the risk and I’m firm on that.

I won't be seeing "the bloke I'm seeing" for the foreseeable.
We message quite a bit any way as only see each other at the weekends, and voice & video calls now as well.
It's hard, I already miss him, a lot - and until this evening I hadn't actually gone any longer since I last saw him than normal.
But it's a lot easier than missing someone permanently, never being able to see or speak to them again.
I've been through that, and still miss my late-DH in that way. If not seeing someone for a few months reduces the number of people who will never see loved ones again, then so be it.

It’s a long-established relationship, so it’s going to be ok, I know - assuming we both stay well.

I think it would be harder in a newer relationship and I know someone in that position too. They’re staying apart for the moment as well.

Agreed, Chasing.

It sucks but I’m so worried, and taking the safest approach is the only thing that mitigates the fear slightly.

I’m really torn and usually very sensible. I’m an NHS frontline worker and that is making me feel both more and less concerned. He has to continue work too so if we only go to work and see each other then that doesn’t seem much more unacceptable than if we were living together. I too lost my DH almost 3 years ago and I think that is colouring my view in that I can’t imagine not being able to say goodbye and I love you if the worst case scenario happens

If you lived together you wouldn't have a choice, but you don't and each contact you have with each other has the potential for spread through the contact you are also having with others.

Personally I think the guidance is clear, friends or family visits to your house are advised against.

I'm sorry about your DH Izzybuzzybuzzybees, it affects us all differently - I hadn't thought about the "not being able to say goodbye" aspect. I'm just coming up to 3 years too (Sunday).

This suggests contact between family and friends if not symptomatic is still ok for the minute?

I just wouldn’t risk it, @Izzybuzzybuzzybees.

Think of what we were told was OK two weeks ago, one week ago ... Much of that was wrong.

What does “still ok for the minute” mean, anyway? It’s an unnecessary risk.

Mine has told me he's going to the seaside tomorrow because 'sea air is good for you'. I get he's bored and a bit lonely but I feel sad that it's his health (& others)! on the line plus he knows that we won't see each other probably now for what...12 weeks?!

This is me, been with my partner a long time but we don't live together. I live by myself. My parents are late 60s and one has an underlying health issue though they're both in generally good health.

I'm WFH and I'm really struggling with the idea of not properly seeing anyone I give a shit about for months.

My husband and I are in separate houses, he was working away from home when this got serious, due to the nature of the work he will probably have to go again next week, I still have to work. We decided it was best to stay apart and depending on the situation I may not see him for a few months. Luckily in our case we have a friends who moved in together but hadn’t put one house on the market yet (and won’t be for some time now) so are happy to let him stay there.

It’s really difficult. The guidance at the minute seems to be that you can see a friend or family member assuming no underlying health issues and asymptomatic. I’m needed at work, my parents have my children (not ideal) on days I’m at work as not sure what my options are for childcare. I want to see him so badly.

We are now both WFH and not having any other social contact so we will be still seeing each other. Treating our two households as one IYSWIM.

I think if he was still going to London every day or if either of us were seeing other people socially I would have a different stance but hopefully we're being cautious enough in all other areas for this to be ok.

If either of us became ill, we would move under one roof anyway (albeit self quarantine within the house) so the healthy one could care for the other.

Im in this position aswell. Long term relationship but we both have young adult kids at home and parents over 70. Usually spend every weekend together. Decided last weekend would be our last until this is over, was his 50th so we had a special weekend away but that'll have to tide us over for now.

Can't pretend it's going to be easy and this morning it all got to me, what with having to cart all my stuff home from work yesterday to begin WFH on Monday.

Trying to stay upbeat now for the kids despite my pity party this morning. Im glad we have eachother.

I live 200 miles away from my fiancé and at this moment haven’t seen him in a month - he’s a key worker in health services, I’m high risk so it’s likely we won’t see each other for another 3 months.

I live on my own, have no family and no friends in a position to help me. To be honest, I’m more worried about having food for myself and my two cats than my relationship right now

Well, the non -cohabiting couple next door to me are certainly "seeing" each other this evening, if you catch my drift🙄🙄🙄🙄

Good point, I haven't thought of it but I probably should. I wfh, my DC at home with me, my boyfriend spends with me 4-5 nights per week, he physically goes to work and the rest of the time he is at home on his own.
I consider one household as he is mainly with us, he helps with food and would support if any of us got ill, but thinking of it he is the biggest carrier of risk and I probably should chuck him out and not see him for the foreseeable future. But then I am virtually on my own.
What should I do???

Ewwww no WingedHarpy!! Make sure you play a loud ‘round of applause’ sound effect through the wall when they are done!

Opposite here, we don’t live together yet but were starting house hunting. However he’s just moved into mine for the duration as he was otherwise at his Dad’s who is high risk and needs to isolate. It’s really bittersweet to be taking this step for such shitty reasons, and with frayed tempers as we’re both stressed. But I really feel for those who are facing forced separation. This whole thing sucks big time.

I’m treating mine as a friend. Socially distant contact, no physical. It’s hard but necessary. He’s still working outside his home so more potential exposure than I do.

I'm not going to be seeing my partner. We don't live together. He is about 10 miles away but will be working in a retail role. I am socially isolating. It sucks

Glad I found you all. We don’t live together although we’ve been talking about it. My instinct is that this is not the time to do so - I’ve got children and he likes his own space. I think it would put the relationship under a lot of pressure at a time when everyone is under a lot of pressure.
We’re thinking of ways to stay connected - joint book club, watching movies together, podcasts, virtual museum tours, writing letters. All sorts of things we’d do if we were together which we can do apart. Bloody hard, though.

We could have my DP move in with us if he completely worked from home but agree it would be bad timing in the sense of everyone's stress levels. I would only do it if he self isolated completely for two weeks first but I know he would find it very difficult working here with me and the kids 100% of the time. Both options suck to be honest. Can't bear the thought of not seeing him or being held by him for months. I wish I had given him an extra squeeze the last time I saw him, not realising it would the the last for so long

Yes, I know what you mean. Not knowing it was going to be the last time we saw each other makes it kinda difficult. I think we will see each other today and then we can chat about it and decide on a plan. He suggested I live with him when I don’t have the kids but I’m not sure that’s workable either!