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Covid

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Exh/ corona/ access to kids

24 replies

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 12:43

I have a dilemma. My exh has a girlfriend and visits her a few times per week
And stays over. He then has our children a couple of evenings per week and every second weekend. They are still intimate. Am I wrong to think he should not have access to kids or is it ok?

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 20/03/2020 12:46

Unless you are self isolating with symptoms then yes they should go. Presumably you and they are out and about a bit? Talk to him about your concerns, ask what his plans are but if he is a reasonable, responsible parent, they should go, for the moment anyway.

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2020 12:49

I don't think you are wrong.
Life isn't normal at the moment and we should all be doing as much as we can.
We are not seeing my stepchild.
Their mother is in total agreement.
As shitty as it is facetiming will have to be sufficient for now.

Original poster

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 12:50

Ok thanks. They have not been within 5 metres of Another human since last Wednesday. They are not deliberately self
Isolating and neither am I but am
Extremely paranoid . My exh is too as is his gf allegedly. She is working from
Home. He works on a building site with four others.
He is the only person apart from
Me that they have had physical
Contact with since then.

OP posts:

Isthistrueor · 20/03/2020 12:58

Having the same problem here. My exH and his GF work in retail and both stores are still running, he said he’s been vigilant with hand sanitising but they’re both inevitably mixing with multiple people daily, his GF has two DC as well.

I’ve also been keeping my DC in since Wednesday and I feel a bit like sending them there negates the whole social distancing thing.

Hugglespuffed · 20/03/2020 13:01

What do you mean 'they are still intimate'?

Sn0tnose · 20/03/2020 13:02

Why don’t you speak to him and see if he’s willing to just face time for a few weeks for the good of the children. He might only be mixing with his colleagues but who knows what his colleagues are doing?

Original poster

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 13:08

I Meant to say that they are intimate.i know
Of many couples
Who are not since the virus has become
The catastrophe that it is.

OP posts:

Hugglespuffed · 20/03/2020 13:10

Ah I see. I'm just surprised your ex discusses his sex life with you that's all!

Original poster

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 13:12

I asked him if he is maintaining social distancing with her and he said that he wasn't, that they were intimate . Tbh that man couldn't hurt me anymore if he tried!!
Thanks

OP posts:

Wannabangbang · 20/03/2020 13:12

However not nice it is I'm keeping mine away from their dad too as that's what social distancing means. I can't see my mum etc, its just the way it as the moment but we have facetime, Skype, letters emails etc

KnotOnMyWatch · 20/03/2020 13:13

Why do you know that your ex is still intimate with his gf?

What does your ex say? Have you told him your concerns?

KnotOnMyWatch · 20/03/2020 13:13

Sorry X post!

MNHQ

LouMumsnet · 20/03/2020 13:19

We've moved this over to the Coronavirus topic now, @orangleblossom

Dyrne · 20/03/2020 13:20

What?

COVID-19 is sexually transmitted now?

You’re just as likely to catch it lying chastely in bed next to each other in bundling bags, as you are if you’re indulging in a bit of afternoon delight.

I think at this stage it would be incredibly sad if you deprive your children of decent contact with their father at a time when it’s not necessary, especially as it sounds like everyone involved is being sensible with their social distancing in other cases.

Wannabangbang · 20/03/2020 13:22

If anyone is still going about their business as usual ie meeting up with people outside their household they aren't social distancing which puts kids at risk.

He doesn't need to have sex with her just to catch it, just going to her home he could catch it

KnotOnMyWatch · 20/03/2020 13:25

It sounds like the ex is far more likely to give it to gf than the other way round in this situation.

Gf working from home, ex working on building site with other people...

Wannabangbang · 20/03/2020 13:25

That could be right Dryne but it depends how many people the girlfriend is in contact with to. If its just him she's seeing good, but is she still out and about socialising?

My ex dh for example is still working with lots of men all from different areas, so he could potentially get it at any time as all those men have families and mates who go to the pub. Not risking it

Dyrne · 20/03/2020 13:26

Wannabangbang I would argue that being able to see their own father isn’t exactly equivalent to nipping down the pub for a pint because you fancy it.

OP, please try and find some workarounds - can you arrange to go for a walk in the park where you can hand them over to your ex for a bit of contact outside? You realise you are now effectively saying your children cannot even see their own father for the next 3 months at least...

Wannabangbang · 20/03/2020 13:31

And this is why the government needs lock down. It is sad yes but what else can be done we are not supposed to be mixing out of households. Even the parks, all those germs on all the slides, rails, can't go to cafes unless they are empty. I'm in a similar situation but not sure what to do and saftey is paramount. Im sure their dad would rather keep in contact through other means if it means his kids stay safe and coronavirus free.

Original poster

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 13:36

I would never ever do anything to sabotage their relationship with their dad. It would devastate them and him . I'm simply asking for advice on what's best for them.

OP posts:

Dyrne · 20/03/2020 13:37

You notice that’s why I suggested a walk in the park; somewhere outside and not using any equipment. You could even make a game of keeping the social distance: “hey, let’s try and keep this string as tight as possible, don’t let it drop!” You could go to the pond and feed the ducks; put a line midway between you and see who can “win” the most to their side. Doesn’t have to be long, I just think given the official government advice as it stands at the moment it would be a shame to ban everything.

Original poster

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 13:37

His girlfriend has a 16! Year old daughter who has been in regular contact with her boyfriend and friends too.

OP posts:

Original poster

orangleblossom · 20/03/2020 13:38

That walk seems like great advice . It would be a shame if they could not kiss or hug their dad or stay with him.

OP posts:

Dyrne · 20/03/2020 13:42

Most of the restrictions for children revolve around the fact that they are super spreaders; not because of the actual risk to children themselves if they get it.

Obviously you want to try and avoid them getting it as it could be fairly miserable for them, and there’s always a chance it could become worse; but even if you literally stop contact with everyone else, I’d be trying to find workarounds to keep up as much contact with their father as is possible. Like allowing a quick cuddle when they see him, but then he should get them doing something active and fun, helping to keep a bigger distance between them.

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