Am I expecting too much of myself emotionally?

[GeekyGirl42]

Before all of this, I would have said I was fighting against some pretty big challenges - very bad divorce, domestic violence, redundancy, moving house. Most of that in the last 6 months. My mental health was starting to feel a bit brittle. But there was a lot to look forward to - fantastic new job, beautiful new house. I was in the middle of working through some pretty nasty childhood trauma stuff with a therapist. That can temporarily make mental health worse.

Last week I was ill and had a fever for 3 days. I isolated myself and my daughter. We are maintaining very, very strict isolation until her Dad (has MS) collects her in 3 weeks time to spend one last week with her before all of this is over. Will not leave the house at all.

This week I started the new job and have needed to be very patient about getting company laptop - it arrived today. Yesterday my chain collapsed on the house, was due to exchange tomorrow. My daughter has figured out she might not ever see her friends again, as by the time we move, things might still be as they are. She's upset that she didn't know her last day at school with them was going to be the last day, and she's shouting at me about it, frequently. My 70 year old Mum has dementia and cannot understand why she can't have a 70th birthday party next week (she won't accept doing it virtually). No one has told her it's been cancelled - they want me to do it. I feel like I'm taking everyone's toys away.

If I'm not working or dealing with my daughter, I'm in tears, almost constantly. I have a tantrum every morning about getting out of bed - feel like there's no point and nothing up look forward to. I really feel like I'm not coping.

But here's the thing - who is? No one likes this situation. It's hard for everyone. I have a secure(ish) job and working from home isn't an issue. That makes me very lucky.

I'm getting annoyed with myself for getting too much up in my feelings and not doing all the wonderful things people are saying you should be doing - yoga, sort the house, homeschool my daughter, spend quality time with her, all whilst trying to really ace it at work so they don't lay me off.

Should I just be cutting myself some slack? I don't feel that I can talk to my GP about this - normally I'd be straight down there if I felt like this.

OP you sound like you’re handling this remarkably well under the circumstances!!! Yes give yourself some slack, have a little talk to yourself, pat yourself on the back!!

You're doing great tbh

Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job under circumstances that would floor most people.
Be kind to yourself.
How old is your daughter? is she old enough that you can explain that you are human too and sometimes may need her to support you?

Thanks everyone for such supportive messages. I know you are also all going through stuff.

DD is 11. Has seen me cry so many times over the last week. I've reassured her that it's just that a lot has happened and it's bad to hold feelings in all the time. In the end, I showed her a video of an emergency ward in Italy, and I think she understands a lot more now about what we need to do to protect those around this.

I've given up on homeschooling and am replacing it with unschooling. Too much pressure, just going to focus on ensuring she has structure and balance. And I'm now telling my over stressed friends to do the same.

My bestie wouldn't video call the other day because she was "wrecked from crying", so I'm a bit more reassured that crying a lot is normal.

Now I've just got to deal with elderly parents who think self isolation includes daily trips to the garden centre!!

Hoping it's still allowed to go out for a walk in 2 weeks time!! Will be a mad woman walking around in floods of tears I reckon. Really miss seeing outside.

You're doing brilliantly OP. I can relate to some of your current stressors.

I was also undergoing therapy for historical trauma which has now had to be deferred midway through, leaving the metaphorical wounds open and my MH on shaky ground.

Keep on keeping on. You've got this