Please Help!! Brother putting vulnerable Mum at risk??? - Covid19

[mumoffluffs]

Is my brother being totally reckless and putting my mum at risk??

Last weekend we went to my mum's house (brother lives with her and looks after her) and we realised quite quickly they both had no idea how serious the Coronavirus is.

Firstly my brother said how he doesn't watch or read the news anymore at all as it is all "hype" and heavily biased. He had been thinking this before Coronavirus came about. We asked him if he's heard about it and he said he thinks it is mad and can't believe some people are saying they are isolating themselves. He went on to say you have to have "faith" and you can't put your life on hold followed by thinking it was a conspiracy so the Chinese do not become more affluent than they already are (to which I responded saying people want to now go to China as it is now safer than most of the developed world is! They have come out the other end of the virus now).

My mum also didn't think much of the virus, but we did say that as she is now 70, has some breathing difficulties, high sugar and high blood pressure she should be very careful. She has come around slightly and is starting to watch a little bit of news (no need to be obsessive over it but just seeing headlines is useful to know where the county is). She was initially reluctant to cancel a religious event in April and the venue ended up calling and cancelling anyway this week. She has also now been trying to tell my brother to stop going out to London and making unnecessary trips. He is an Artist and when he's not working at home, goes to galleries around London during the week and does lot of cafe hopping / socialising with the public (all of which are totally avoidable and not even mildly essential).

We are worried that my brother could spread the virus to my mum and my husband almost argued with him out of desperation this weekend. The attitude seems to be quite cavalier. We thought we may have made a difference but after seeing my brother's Instagram stories today I've seen him going to cafes, galleries, travelling on the tube etc. He is a bit of a careless and super laidback person at times in normal daily life and I highly doubt he is taking necessary precautions (i.e. washing hands and keeping doorknobs sanitised with all the in's and out's).

We even told him how multiple countries are on lockdown with fines/imprisonment for failure to comply. How older people are having ventilators taken from them in hospital and given to those more likely to survive, etc, etc.

Long winded (sorry) but what can I say to make him realise and stop?????

Can she stay with you?

this is very worrying that some people are never going to get their heads out their back sides.

@Duchessofblandings sorry, I should have mentioned that both me and my husband had a bit of a cough and sore throat the past couple of days and although my mum staying here is an option and we can accommodate her, we decided to self-isolate and not risk it.

Also, I am not sure if we could persuade her to move away from her house and her daily routine. Hoping that if all is well we will try to see what we can do. Any tips on persuading my mum to live here? Beside kidnapping I'm not sure what I can do! She will want to make sure my brother is being looked after as she thinks he isn't great at looking after himself!!

How old is your brother? Does he have capacity. If he does and he’s an adult,
he needs to find somewhere else to stay.

Thanks @Duchessofblandings he is 37 and is a capable adult but just isn't taking things seriously.

I'm at a loss as to how to convince him how serious the situation is, and without doing that I won't be able to convince him to stay elsewhere or pull back on his daily non-essential outings.

Is there anything you would advise me to say to convince him how serious this all is?

Wel no, not really. If he won’t listen to WHO or the UK Chief Medical and Scientific advisers, I don’t know what else to say.

At 37 and with capacity, he’s perfectly capable of looking after himself. He needs to stay somewhere else.

If he won’t listen to your words, will photos work better? I found the pictures of people face down in ICU in Italy really scary.

He’s an artist - maybe pictures will work where words don’t? You could then give brief, factual details and figures after.

That should say arty not artist.

If your brother is responsible in some way for looking after your mum I don't think it's fair for you to tell him how to do it without being prepared to put your money where your mouth is and take over from him.

If you're that bothered, you ought to be suggesting some sort of swap. No one likes a backseat driver, so to speak, do they? The best thing is to get your mum on side and for her to tell him not to do these things for her sake.

@sexisaprotectedcharacteristic I have put my money where my mouth is, I am self-isolating so I can't at the moment, and once done will be trying to persuade my mum to move in

As mentioned to Duchessofblandings - it all depends on if my mum will want to move out and willing to disrupt from her routine

@BreatheAndFocus I may try that, hopefully it will work :) Long as he doesn't think it's propaganda! I've seen those images and it is horrendous :(

All these places he visits will have shut now. He is looking after her, thats fantastic and saves you worrying. You can move in when you have finished your "self isolating"

There is no way he should be seeing your mum. He sounds brain dead.
Boris needs to lock us down because of people like this

We are all disrupting our routine. All of us. And none of us want to. How about that?

If you have kids your mum is safest with your brother. As a pp mentioned all the places your brother goes to will be closed anyway. You mentioned your DB may not wash his hands but as long as your mum does and takes appropriate precautions it’s all good.

Ultimately you need to remember that your mum wants to live with your brother not you. She will find any excuse to protect him so don’t go out attacking him. Give her a couple of bottles of handwash, tell her to wash her hands regularly, and that’s the best you can do.

He’s a moron. I can’t believe there are still dimwits unable to use half a brain cell and see this isn’t a ‘conspiracy’ or a ‘fuss about nothing’. Surely he can see that businesses are closing? Schools are shut? Planes are grounded?

No more advice than what’s been said already though OP. Apart from have your mum at yours after isolating.

Yes he's putting her at risk, by going out doing all these activities alongside poor hygiene he's increasing his chances of catching the virus and then giving it to her. Best plan of action I imagine will be getting your mum to have a word with your brother, say she's read the news and is worried. Hopefully these places will be closed.

Yes he's putting her at risk, by going out doing all these activities alongside poor hygiene he's increasing his chances of catching the virus and then giving it to her. Best plan of action I imagine will be getting your mum to have a word with your brother, say she's read the news and is worried. Hopefully these places will be closed.