Please can somebody help me think straight

[Fucket]

Ok, I have severe asthma and not very well controlled. DH has asthma and it’s mild and controlled, but he gets chest infections too and does need a flu jab.

Our youngest had to go to minor injuries unit 5 days ago because she hurt her leg at preschool. She sucks her thumb and I am in no doubt that the awful cough she now has, and temperature is the Coronavirus she picked up there.

I pulled all kids out of school on Tuesday. So we are already self isolating. The eldest is 7. The middle child has SN and severe separation anxiety.

DH is in a mild panic that we both are going to die. We have life insurance and mirror wills, they will have money and my family (miles away and also in self isolation with symptoms) just no parents.

We have both tended to our youngest tonight because she is ill and scared. We are both going to get ill. Even if it’s just a cold, I could still get quite ill and need hospital treatment.

What should I do now to prepare for when we/my eldest has to call 111/999 for help. She already knows to call 999 if I’m having an asthma attack and I have a piece of paper by the landline with what to say in that scenario. But is that even the right number anymore? I also instruct them to unlock the front door.

Do we need to pool medication for hospital? Do we need to write a list of health conditions for the people who come to us?

Should I pack suitcases and write handover notes for the kids in case they need to go into care, or will they have to leave everything behind? They are probably going to get sick too, but I know they will be ok. They are under 10.

My son will have eleventy billion questions for me in the morning when he realises the virus is here and I am going to get sick. He is very clever and I won’t be able to fool him. I have had to go to hospital before, he knows I get ill often. I want to prepare him, I don’t want to lie to him that he can take his teddy etc if that’s not allowed if he has to go into care for a bit.

Also I think I’m going to write them a letter each for when they are older just in case. If it’s just a cold and we survive then I will happily burn the fucking things later.

Please can someone let me know what they’d do right now in my situation?

I need to go to sleep now (work in the morning) but didn’t want to read and run.

Will do my best to get back to the thread tomorrow, but in the meanwhile would suggest, with all kindness, that everything always seems bleak as hell in the small hours. Please try to get some sleep yourself and with any luck you’ll have some more helpful replies by the morning.

I can't comment on your medical situation OP, but from what you write it sounds like your mind is running away with you, which I totally understand, I think we are all a bit like that right now.

I don't think either you or your DH will die if this is CV. I think it is incredibly unlikely that both you and your DH would die.

Remember that even in the most at risk groups the majority survive. And you are not even in the most at risk group. At this point you should also still get medical support if needed.

But I totally get your fear and I would feel the same. I think just try to calm down and focus on the immediate moment for a while. Do make sure that your oldest knows how to call for help if needed and perhaps where some drinks/snacks are.

I hope someone better equipped to advise comes along. You'll be ok.

Here to hand hold (or elbow bump supportively, or whatever).

Who else is in your life who can help out with the children?

It is unlikely you will both die. It is unlikely. The terror is talking to your DH, but he needs to stop and think and be calm for the sake of your children and you. You need to do the same for him.

1. Write lists if that is helpful to your own sense of preparedness.
2. Pack an emergency bag for each child (and add a list of 'comfort toys etc' that should be added last minute) if that is helpful to you.
3. Questions from children - try to reassure and deflect at this moment, if at all possible.

Tomorrow, when you are rested, things will seem easier. For now, rest. You can't fight off shit if you are rundown yourself.

Think who would help. For instance, I would help almost anyone I knew in your situation, even if I didn't know you that well. My family have no underlying conditions, and I would be willing to help. Who at your children's schools/amongst their friends might help you if you were in need? People really DO want to help right now. Don't be afraid to reach out.

Ps. Hopefully no one will need to attend but just in case yes, I would list any major conditions or medications and leave it accessible, tell your oldest where it is. Not because I think you are at great risk. I am doing the same.

If you are able to have a phone chat with a GP tomorrow perhaps you could get some guidance on your specific needs.

Thank you everyone, for clarity I am high risk I take steroid medication for asthma and have recently recovered from pneumonia.

I will try to get some rest.

Husband panicking is definitely not helping.

hope you get some rest OP
Agree panicking husbands are not relaxing at all!

Asthma is only seen as a fatal issue if untreated or associated with other major diseases, so I would advise you hubby to research and contact docs for advice. You’ll be ok

You are making too many catastrophic assumptions.

I understand that you are scared and are personally at high risk so that is understandable (although there is still no certainty or even probability that you will end up seriously or hospitalised.

The rest of your narrative is incredibly unlikely.

Forget wills and the care system. Even in the worst case scenario, lockdowns would not prevent your children going straight to relatives, but it is so unlikely to come to that.

1. Prepare for the possibility that you need inpatient treatment. I have similar asthma and another chronic condition. Having a packed bag during the winter always makes me feel better somehow.

2. Give your son soothing but honest “Mummy might get ill again but the doctors will help her” answers.

3. Keep lists of diagnoses and prescription medication for each family member somewhere handy like by the phone or in the fridge (always good practice).

4. Maybe channel some energy into a really good wipe round with detail or bleach solution?

You really are in the grip of panic. It’s not as bad as all that

Hope you all are ok and keep going.
Anxiety is always worse at night.
I agree with ArrietyJones: pack a bag for you and DH, make a list of medications, do a good wipe around the house and get some rest. It’s awful time and you have reasons to worry but we’re not at the pick so medical system is not overstretched yet. All these horror pictures are for much bigger numbers and later stages. We might not get to it considering how quickly all soap and sanitizers are disappeared.

Are you in any parents group for you SEN child? People in ours share resources, info, getting together to buy sanitizer and soap, even helping each other with lack of toilet paper. Honestly I felt much better after posting and sharing my concerns.

How’s it going this morning, OP?

Hope you had a peaceful night and things seem a little brighter this morning

Hello everyone, the youngest is now snotty and has a rattle to her cough. She didn’t really sleep. I have a sore throat and ache all over. I told dh I wasn’t going to run around after him or the kids like usual making myself ill. So I spent most of the morning lying in bed, not sleeping but trying to sort things out with work so I can work from home when better.

The kids have not really twigged that the youngest and I are ill. Amazingly young children have zero empathy for sick parents and still expect us to be invincible. I suspect I’d have to have the ambulance at the door again to realise mummy is ill.

Dh stopped flapping and pulled out some hidden reserves. I really scared him last year when I got sick, even a cold can turn on my chest so I have to rest either way. Perhaps it’s the thought of losing me and self isolating on his own with 3 kids that’s putting the fear of god into him.

I did have a good cry at about 4am, I think it was needed and helped actually.

House does need a good clean, but will have to wait until the weekend as we are not overdoing it and running ourselves down.

We are used to self isolating. In the six weeks holidays the kids went nowhere and we stayed home because I was recovering from a bad asthma attack. Dh was working in the city and was gone for 13 hours a day. I just have to cope on my own with them. So they are sort of used to periods of isolation. I think my SN son prefers to be at home than at school anyway.