Lockdown and parental access

[StewPots]

I'm really stressed this evening. Ex H due to have DC from Friday onwards but with lockdown imminent this is going to cause so many issues - he lives in the next county 3 hrs drive away.

So if lockdown is announced with immediate effect over the weekend I won't see my son for god knows how long. But on the other side he won't see his dad either.

My anxiety is on the edge as it is - I have a chronic condition, I may lose my job home etc this is another barrelload of shit I didn't need on top and I don't know what to do. Keep son here with me ( chronic condition requires pain management in hospital during flares and DM is over 70 and staying away... or send him to his dads and not see him for months?!?

Please handhold or help I'm at the end of my rope with this.

Sorry should have expanded - DM has my son regularly so I can rest or go into hospital via ambulance. Daughter here but is frontline healthcare worker so cannot always be here.

Urrgh this is making me feel bad and I've been flaring all week and I can see a hospital visit on the cards thanks to the stress of it all.

Anyone???

Handhold.

Do you think that tough though it would be, he’d be better staying for a period with his dad so you’re not struggling with your health? Who’d have him if you were in hospital?

Well mines not going to ex’s this week

If he doesn’t like it he can take me to court ... oh wait

In France, it looks like separated parents are allowed to do handovers.

It's something I have thought about as well. As I am sure many parents have.

The thought of not seeing DS for ages scares me.

In other countries on lockdown separated parents have been able to collect and drop off their children.

Dss's mum has already been trying to use this virus as another weapon to hit DH with and its a scary time but it could go on for a long time and arrangements that are best for the dc have to be priority

Thank you @AnneLovesGilbert yes I mean it's more practical from my end , and then the worry of childcare in an emergency is removed. DM usually has DS for me as lives across our small town gets here ASAP via taxi.

But that won't be an option because she's 72 :(

But the other side is that Ex H and partner are more than prepared to have him. They also have support should they get infected or anything. They are both fit and well no known risk factors etc

It's just not seeing my son for that long :( but then it's not fair to his dad either.

@chomalungma I did think that surely that would be put in place somehow but is that just if they're in the same town or across county lines? I tried googling but it didn't say anything just Covid stuff in general :(

It’s fucking difficult OP. I’m a step mum and grateful none of us have risk factors but it’s still a big worry. My DSC went back to their mum this evening and I squeezed them tighter than normal because no one knows what the next few days will bring or when we’ll have them home again. FaceTime is invaluable but it’s not the same as a hug.

Have a other handhold! I don’t know what else to do

Handhold. It’s such a scary time, and throwing up so many tricky situations.

My own DD came back from 6 days at her dads yesterday, and it now turns out that he has the virus. We’ve decided that she will stay with me for the next 14 days and all of us will self isolate. Even up until yesterday, I had no idea what we’d do if either household were ill. Things change so quickly OP, I guess you just take decisions day by day, that’s all anyone can do.

In Spain it was ruled today that visits between separated parents are suspended until lockdown is over, probably until after Easter at the earliest. I'd keep him with you if I were you.

@Catsmize that’s so sad, as there obviously isn’t a ‘fair’ way to do this, for all involved.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I really don't know what to do except take it day by day. Ex is meant to pick DS up tomorrow but I don't know.

If we go on full lockdown it's a guessing game as to how much time there is between it being announced to being enforced. And if ex could get him back in time.

I'm in this position with my ds. We share nearly 50/50 custody and he is due to be there until Friday then back with me for the weekend then swap every few days.

Ex has already suggested if any of our houses need to self isolate then DS will have to stay there and be part of self isolation. I'm not having that though, we live 4 streets away, literally a 5 minute walk and if me, ex, his new wife or DS get symptoms we'll self isolate but do the quick walk or drive to each others house to change over as normal.

Just gearing up for ex to start an argument about this and have to fight my corner, might have to go in and literally take DS

It's so so so hard at the moment.

And many many parents and children will be in this situation.

Luckily so far neither household is displaying symptoms. Two weeks I could cope with but then fact that lockdown is going to happen I think, is what is stressing me out most as no one knows what will happen :(

I’d say to anyone in this situation, until things actually happen, you just don’t know how you or your ex will react to lockdown / isolation etc.
Until what happened yesterday, I thought I’d have a massive fight on my hands with my Ex, and that like others, I was prepared to go and physically take DD if necessary.

What actually happened when it came down to it, was a very civilised conversation with him on Tuesday to make plans if things did kick off, then yesterday when it appeared that he does have the virus, it was decided that DD would just stay with me - his decision, which was totally the opposite of what I’d expected and feared.
As it turns out, it sounds like he’s too ill to actually look after DD anyway.

Take each day as it comes.

Yes absolutely and I have just spoken to ex. It will be very much business as usual until otherwise, and he is ready to drop DS back to me at short notice should lockdown be announced imminently so.... play it by ear seems to be the phrase of the moment